How 2020 Built Me

As most of you know, COVID started back in February & March. I, like a lot of people though the whole thing was a hoax, or political ploy, honestly, a part of me still does. My whole life started changing before I could crack my next joke about it, when my husband started coughing. That's when shit got real. He coughed for a week, cough syrup & steroid medications didn't help; he just kept getting worst.

Week two came and we decided it was time for Urgent Care. They denied him a COVID test because his fever "wasn't high enough". His oxygen level was low 90's, but any O2 level 90+ is considered normal. Of course, we were sent back home, but this time with a different steroid cough medicine used to treat bronchial infection.

My husband Alex, he was only getting worst. His breathing was getting harder, his cough became a combination of mucus and blood. We were out of options, we had to go to the hospital. So on April 2nd, my twenty-first birthday, I drove him to the hospital. I wasn't allowed inside with him, so we had to say goodbye at the Emergency entrance. I couldn't keep myself together at this point. I was scared, I was sad, angry that it had gotten this bad, but terrified that it would be the last time I saw my husband, my bestfriend, and my daughters hero.

I waited in the parking lot for almost an hour, panic calling my parents because I did not know what was going on, or how to even cope with the feelings I was having. Around the hour mark is when Alex called me, I felt relieved because I assumed he was waiting at the entrance for me to pick him up; but it was no where near a "come pick me up" conversation. Alex was calling me to tell me how much he loved me, because he was being put on a ventilator. In this moment, my whole life flashed before my eyes. I did not have one without him in it. I had our 2 year old baby who was absolute in love with him, I mean, how do you tell your TWO year old child, their daddy isn't coming home for a while, or maybe even at all. I was terrified because it had been him & I since the beginning, but now I had to do it alone.

Two days after Alex was vented, I received the phone call that stated he was positive for COVID. This meant, I had to self quarantine, and I was also advised the safest option would be to have Aubrie, my daughter, stay with a family member; of course looking at her best interest, she did. I was alone for two weeks. Any human contact was through video chats & facetimes. I was on the phone with nurses every shift change and mid-shift so I could get multiple updates on Alex's condition. Almost immediately my depression and anxiety kicked in. I couldn't sleep, barely could eat, I began having auditory hallucinations; I was not in a good mental state to be alone, but I had to be okay for Alex and Aubrie.

Between the constant back and fourth with nurses & patient care, and facetime with Alex before bed every night, I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. Then one day during week 2, the nurse told me he was being taken off the ventilator. It changed my whole mind set. I was ready to talk to him, to hear his voice instead of just listening to old videos. That same day, I found out she had lied to me. As it turned out, the ventilator was he only thing keeping Alex alive, and now his Kidney's were failing. Yes, I know you're probably thinking "COVID can attack your Kidney's?!". It can attack multiple organ systems, the virus is a killer.

Eventually, Aubrie came home, this helped me a lot because she kept my mind occupied. I became more open to Christianity, so I started working on my relationship with God. When I tell you God is good, I mean GOD is GOOD. The third week, and Alex's lungs improved tremendously. They started lowering his paralytic (the medicine used to keep him comfortable), and soon enough, he was pretty coherent. Finally, this Angel of a doctor decided to try to take him off the ventilator. And she did successfully. I got a call telling me he was off the vent, and to give him a little bit of time to become aware of what was going on, and they would facetime me.

Aubrie and I facetimed Alex, and when I saw him, it was like the first time we had met. After 2 months of rehabilitation, I got to bring Alex home. This was the harder part because I was working fulltime from home, being a mom fulltime, and being his caregiver fulltime. I'm glad I stuck it out though, because I didn't realize how much I needed this experience later on.

Fast forward to now: Alex made a full recovery from COVID, Aubrie has excelled in MANY things, but just when we thought our life was getting back to normal..... Well.. Check out my next story to see what happened next.