Growing up with a self centred father

I had the most happiest childhood when my parents were together and my granny visited Australia. He started to become more cold and unloving when he left my mum to marry a younger women who was about 10 years and half younger than him. He was more focused on pleasing a younger lady. Married her overseas and she had a baby with him so quick.

He started forgetting about my mother and me. Moved away from Sydney.Starting his new family and treated this eastern european lady much more nicer than us. He treated this lady like an beautiful swan. Many years later since last year he told me that he was'nt interested in his grandfather ( his dad's father ) because he lived in the UK most of his working life and got married again.His dad and uncle stayed with my father's great grandparents. My father was not interested in his grandfather because he thinked that his grandparents should of minded their older sons a bit better.

Someone told me "it's weird that your dad gets upset over his grandfather leaving the family , when he has done the same thing to you". The hypocrisy is crazy. My great grandfather was like his eldest grandson.

I had no interest supporting my father and pretending to play happy families. I was still upset inside that he loved this lady more than my mother. I was still focusing on my anger for him and i felt hurt. I used to dislike his wife because i was jealous he loved her better and i was struggling to accept that he had more children with her. Not with my mum. He wanted to have another one with my mum a long time ago , but he changed his mind.He did not want to expand the family with her.My mum was in her late 40's when my dad left us.

But it's good that my mum did not have any more children with him because my mum would be a broke single mother managing 2 children or more.Leaving a toxic relationship that was emotionally and verbally abusive.Some fathers do'nt provide suffcient child support for their ex partners or ex wives. Sometimes mothers cannot cover everything for their children under one income as they have to pay house bills and food.

I have a family friend who is a single mother and she relies on her income to feed herself and her teenage children.Her ex husband is a deadbeat dad and the ex husband was controlling. Ex husband did not let her to have any free family time , when he went out of the house and she had to mind the kids alone when they were younger.Her 3 children are so supportive of their mum and they do not want to see him because they do not like his behaviour.She claims that the government is going after him for child support. Poor her , she has to be tight on money and budget it on one income and 3 children living at home.

My father had a legal sepration agreement with my mother. Hence i did not know this until i turned 19 and apparently he refused to pay it for so many years. He was playing the victim and claimed that " his wife was crying because of my mother"The wife needed to stay out of the disagreements.He told me "it was many years ago and things do change".

He always wanted to make up lies about my mother and he said " mother never cooked for me" . My father told me that his grandaunt in ireland told him not to lie and taught him why it's a bad idea. He learnt that lesson as a little boy.But it did not work on him as an adult. Sometimes learning lessons as a little boy does not work out in my father's favour.

I do'nt want to look like i am cold and i have no interest in people . I feel hurt over my dad's actions. I did not mind his other children but the problem was i felt my mother and myself were replaced

.His wife started to boss him around and treat him like a child , telling him what to do with me.Typical bossy leo woman. She is not my mother, She was in the way from managing a peaceful co parenting.relationship.I did not like seeing my dad kissing her in front of me. Am I supposed to pretend to be happy for him? play pretend and happy families?.

My dad abused me physically and emotionally. I will not share the painful child abuse memories because many people will have a mixed opinion on it. Maybe it's stupid idea to say the full story online.

I still have bad dreams and it makes me have terrible anxiety of men. I did not like staying at my fathers very much as I was not okay with my dad being around me and it made my anxeity worse. When a male parent figure abuses you physically , it gives you a mental toll after being forced to see them and stay with them. The phsycial abuse was digusting and i wish my mother took legal action on my behalf as i was an minor at the time.

She did not. Headspace said that i could of reported to child protective services about the physcial child abuse. I was so scared to report it as it will ruin my relationship with him and i knew that my parents would be angry if i did.

It's a struggle to have older generations to have empathy how this memory had an mental toll on me.I struggle to sleep at night and i think about it resulting in bad dreams.

My dad crossed the line one day and it's digusting to talk about my mental health behind my back. Going to the doctors to talk about my problems without my consent and talking about me when i am not there. He made me even more angrier , by emailing my workplace. I was doing work placement for an aged care course but i was withdrawn of the course because i was'nt enjoying it.

The email he sent them indicated that i had ' Aspergers' and i was going to abuse the elderly people physically, so i need to be under supervison apparently.

In my opinion it was a total lie because i would never abuse the elderly people and it made me very upset because it's a serious offense to abuse a elderly person while working in nursing home. It was serious thing to say that i am going to plan it and it's premediated.

I felt upset worrying if people will believe what my dad says. But i cannot control what he says. Worried if people believe in rumors.

Also , you can get fired and they can investigate the abuse. It's an case of serious employee misconduct. I felt really humilated and embarrassed about the lie my dad told them.

Secondly, i found the whole email he sent them funny because he cannot diagnose me and i disagree with him. It was not okay for my dad to say that to an employer , does'nt matter if have it or not. It was an invasion of my privacy because i did not want people to gossip about my mental health and decide whenever i'm autistic or not.

I had a fight with my father and swore at him. He poked his tongue out.The arguement on that night turned out to be so ugly. I have realised in the feuds with my father and my ex housemate, the more they spoke about my problems behind my back when i was'nt present and kept annoying me with ableist microaggressions. The more upset i became and the more harder it was to keep my cool.

My dad kept pushing me to get tested for autism. I did not want do it because i would'nt trust someone who talks ab0ut my issues behind my back and it's defnitely not okay. If they do not respect your privacy and let you allow to decide on your own issues on your own and allow you to go to the doctors alone. Then i would avoid that person and keep your distance.

My dad did not care what I wanted and kept dismissing my feelings. I started seeing him and talking to him less. My mum wanted to stay out of the quarrel but she realized and understood i have a point. After dealing with my ex housemate and my father she agreed that i should deal with my issues on my own terms and decide my identities , not on other people's terms.I decide who I am.

She does not talk to my father anymore , but she attempted to email him and tell him to be nice. Unfortnately, the whole thing backfired on my mother and my father put my mother's emails in spam.

My father is self centred and he dismisses my feelings about the whole thing. I talk to him less and less. My communication is very limited.Sometimes i want to talk to him because he is my dad. But most of the time i want to do nothing with his drama and live my life in peace.

I am happy that my mum understood my point of view because she was so angry with my ex housemate talking about my problems behind my back when i was not there and be present.

I remember watching RHOBH recently and the ladies were talking about Crystal's eating disorder behind her back. Also the same thing happened to Yolanda in 2016. This reminds me of the situation. Sutton said " it's not nice to talk about it when she is not here" in a recent episode.

Please let a person explain their issue it to you , leave them to sort out their issues with professionals alone,if they are adults,Also do not make mean digs or suggestions that are not needed. Also , do not talk about their issues without the person being present.

Also you do not know about their issue because you are not a medical specialist.