Grief: That one small word

Grief.Death.Sadness. These three words stink at any age and most times are connected. I am definitly no newbie to grief and I know the battlefield it takes to recover from these three little words. When examining grief their are 12 actions and 5 stages that occur. When you go through grief you go through the following stages.

1. denial
2. anger
3. bargaining
4. depression
5. acceptance.

The funny things about grief is most the time these stages occur before the person has even passed. Along with the stages the following actions occur shown below which I will discuss further.

1. In order to recover from a love ones passing it requires more than time
2. Grief does not just occur in one place it's universal
3. Shock initiates the mourning process
4. Grief causes depression
5. Grief effects your health negatively
6. Grievers need to know they are not alone
7. You will feel guilty but shouldn't
8. It will also make you feel angry
9. You will feel like all sorts of emotions are coming your way
10. Healing will bring hope
11. You will realize not to take life for granted and it is precious

Now I will begin to tell my story if you looked at me in everyday life say just walking by you might think what does she know about grief. Shes a 22 year old girl who looks like she had a good past and present which is partially true I do have a good life cause I have everything I need but ive had my fairshare of grief. It all started when I was just seven years old. At this age I ended up losing half of my support system: my father, to a brain tumor. I have also lost my fair share of other family members: uncle,grandma,grandpa,animals, along with very close members who technically weren't family but raised me and I was alwayst taught family is more than blood. Finally the last thing that recently occured that deals with my grief is I recently in April lost my mother. Looking back I feel like I have dealt with more grief in my short life than most people. Now I will begin to discuss the stages and areas of grief and how to help deal with this. I will start with the stages and discuss my most recent experience.

Stage 1: Denial

The stage of denial is the first and in my experience can happen before the person even dies. When this happened for me it was when my mother first told me she got diagnosed with cancer. I started crying and I did not want to believe it. I had to get out of this stage quickly though as she started treatments very early. However even though I know it was happening I think one way I was partook in this stage was avoidence of the talking about it and in my mind she was still ok. I however also dealt with this stage after she died and that is what I will discuss of how to get out of this stage. One way I dealt with this after her death is hoping that she would call at any moment. The stage of denial I will say to get out of this just takes time however their is some tips I have to help get out of this. 1. If you have any past voicemails listening to them may help because you get to hear your loved ones voice. 2. Write in a journal or write them letters 3. Talk to them because they can more than likely hear you.

Stage 2: Anger

The next stage of the grief process is anger. In my experience before the death process occur even though it might be wrong your angry at two differant areas: The person and the world. I think you may be mad at the person in my experience because if it something like lung cancer that occured due to a substance you may be mad at the person because if they stopped doing that thing they may still be here. You also feel mad at the world because why the world is making this occur.

Stage 3: Bargaining

Bargaining is the next step and it usually occurs towards the end of the battle and you may say if you can just make this person better ill do anything but with my experience if you have gotten to the point where you have to bargain it might not ever get better but their is still possibly hope.

Stage 4: Depression which can cause the following emotions when thinking about the loved one: Guilt,relief,sadness,loneliness

The next stage is the depression stage. During this stage you will begin to go in a downward spiral which will follow by the following areas. The first thing I have felt is you feel guilt for not doing enough for the person when they were alive or in my position being guilty you werent their when they passed. At the same time you might feel sadness that they are gone but also relief that they are no longer in pain. Finally you might feel lonely because they are know longer here. The one thing I can say is to be around people that love and care about you during this time cause it will help.

Stage 5: Acceptance

The last stage of the grieving process is acceptance and this is when it starts getting better. Once you find acceptance you can begin to truely heal.

Actions Reiterated

In order to recover from a love ones passing it requires more than time but once you begin to heal you will feel hope

From experience the healing process never truely recovers. I close friend of mine told me something that has stuck with me "You never truely get over a love ones passing it just gets easier over time". With that being said for me it has been about 3 months and its much easier. However it took more than time to get me into this space of mind. Some things that also helped me in this process is family members and keeping busy. So if I had one suggestion it would be to keep busy because if you keep busy you have less time to think about the depressing thing. One other thing is once you begin to heal you might start to feel some since of hope because you will realize you can get through anything.

Grief does not just occur in one place it's universal and people need to know their not alone

When you first lose someone no matter how big or small the person is to you, you more than likely will begin to think that noone out their understand truely what you are going through however that could not be more than wrong. Their are many communities and many places you can go to not only share your feelings but also know you are not alone. The first thing I suggest doing is going to either your family or their family because yall share common feelings. Other things I suggest is going to counseling or joining a support group. Recently what helped me alot is reading articles and watching youtube video about people who have lost both parents before they turned the age of 25.

Grief could cause depression and also effects your health negatively

Dealing with the depression and sadness of losing a loved one can cause depression which deals with a negative health aspect. As much as it might seem hard to do I would say continue to particapate in self care. Baths or showers are good because they relax you also if you have a favorite show or book series dive yourself into this because again it is a distraction.

You will realize not to take life for granted and it is precious

The last thing I want to talk about that I realized through dealing with grief is once you begin to heal you will realize that life is precious and don't take your time with anyone for granted because before you know It they will be gone: Cherish every holiday, every birthday, every vacation, every single moment you have with them.

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I hope you enjoyed reading this and I would like to make a disclaimer even though these are just tips everyone experiences grief differant and your experience may be differant.