Good Luck, Kids

There they go. The next cadre of breeding aged friends, young and filled with optimism after having had their bids on houses in New Jersey and Connecticut accepted. Young Americans ready to stake their claim to their American Dream. We’ve been getting together on Saturday mornings via Zoom for years now — ain’t that a kick in the head? — and also watching as toddlers grew into assertive little people and baby bumps into babies.

About two months ago, two new arrivals began showing up on the Zoom screen. Now they’re old enough to tug Mommy’s hair and ensure she's making sure her microphone is kept muted.

One month ago, the first of the new homeowners began showing up online from what is clearly the basement work room of his new castle. He’s bursting with excitement and pride. Two elementary school age daughters who now have a real backyard of their very own. And just out of range of the camera, a brand new washer and dryer. No more laundromats!

Whenever the new babies show up on the screen there is the requisite round of adoring cooing. And when one Mommy shared the good news about the bid on that house having been approved, I added my (not particularly heartfelt) congratulations.

Bless them all. I hope it works out for them.

Somehow the American Urge to Own a Home is nearly as unstoppable as the biological urge to procreate. Combine the two and stand back, folks, the only thing that’s gonna slow this train down is another train coming from the opposite direction (spoiler alert, I can hear that train’s distant rumble).

Neither bug bit me. I still don’t understand the pull of “family” or why anyone thinks they own anything.

However, I’m housebroken. I was raised to be considerate and polite. When people hold their little darlings up to the camera on Zoom calls, I join the chorus albeit with less enthusiasm. But, hey, I get it. This is the most important stuff there is for most of humanity: The Kids and The Home.

It’s not as if there’s anything they can do to stop that other train that’s barreling towards us by not having their babies or buying their houses. In fact, we might actually be in worse shape if more people were like me.

Think of it. What TF would this world look like if no one wanted to amass wealth and property? What if the only people who had kids were the ones who absolutely adored them? Or how about the state of our society if everyone made a point of living where there was decent public transportation? Here’s a scary thought: what if people stopped buying things they didn’t need? You know, like Christmas presents and new phones or cars every year?

What am I talking about?

No one in God’s Glorious United States of America wants any of that socialist claptrap!

Really, people just want to be left alone to breed and accumulate as much as they possibly can. The problems arise from the lack of limitless resources to allow everyone that shining privilege. And much as it hurts to admit it, folks, we’re up against the wall these days. I don’t like thinking about what those darling little girls being held up to wave at Zoom cameras will find when they hit breeding age themselves.

So I don’t. Most of the time.

I genuinely wish my young friends well and would cop to a heartfelt mea culpa if I thought I could have done anything differently when I was that age that would have eased things now. The fact that I opted to not breed or buy houses or own cars doesn’t really cut it. If I’d become a zealous crusader and devoted my life to derailing the capitalistic and patriarchal systems that indoctrinate people into believing that having kids and owning lots of stuff leads to happiness, well, I guess I too might have had the opportunity to be assassinated.

Instead of warning of dark days ahead, I smile along with everyone else on the Zoom call and wave back at the happy families.

Somebody needs to keep the faith that this thing will sort itself out.

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