Gone in a moment

It is a stroke of fortune if you have yet to experience the heart-wrenching reality I am about to discuss. Unfortunately, at some point in our lives, we are confronted with it. When that moment arrives, it tears us apart, leaving us questioning why we invest so much in building a life that can be snatched away in an instant.

For several years now, I have been spared the pain of loss. However, the memories of my grandmother's visit during Christmas linger with a tinge of sadness. We engaged in numerous enjoyable activities, exploring new experiences together. At 90 years old, I was always aware that one day she would no longer be by my side. But my grandmother, in my mind, seemed eternally old. Some of my earliest recollections involve accompanying her to the hospital, where she underwent various treatments, possibly even a hysterectomy. Her health remained a concern for about a decade, but little did I know that it was just the beginning of a prolonged journey. It was only after 35 years that she passed away.

During our delightful Christmas together, on her final day with me, she casually mentioned having a sore throat. I didn't think much of it at the time. Why would I? She packed her belongings, and the next day, my then-partner and I accompanied her back to her home.

Less than 24 hours later, I received a call informing me that my grandmother had been admitted to the hospital, with suspicions of having the flu. However, the truth likely entailed a more serious condition. Although a death certificate provided an explanation for her passing, the events leading up to it remained somewhat uncertain. When I spoke to her on the phone, she sounded like herself, albeit a bit hoarse. She expected to undergo treatment and be released later that day. But within 24 hours of her admission, something changed. A neighbor later revealed that it was as if a light had gone out within her. She no longer showed concern for her beloved dog, a constant companion that occupied her thoughts. Meanwhile, 150 miles away, every time I called the hospital for an update, the response was always a nonchalant "She's fine." However, she was not fine; she was slipping away. This is the sorrowful reality of our medical system. They engage in conversations that seem reassuring but offer little insight into the true nature of the situation. They attempt to maintain calmness, yet possess a greater understanding of the unfolding circumstances. Eventually, the story concludes with her passing. Over time, I pieced together the fragments, constructing a puzzle in my mind. I recalled her refusal to use public toilets during the final weeks of her life. One night, she moved from the bathroom to a bedroom in a peculiar manner. Concerned, I asked if she was okay, and she casually responded, "Oh, I'm hemorrhaging." I inquired further, and she explained that occasionally, if she delayed going to the bathroom, she would lose a significant amount of blood. She appeared unperturbed by this fact, perhaps sensing that the end was near.

So, why am I recounting this story? It may seem like old news, considering my grandmother passed away in 2015. I have had ample time to come to terms with the loss. However, a recent encounter with an ex-partner brought forth the narrative of her father's sudden and unexpected demise. From caring for children one day, he tragically succumbed to strep infection, which swiftly developed into sepsis, resulting in complete organ failure. Reflect on this: within 28 hours, he transitioned from being at home with his loved ones to experiencing a harrowing, unpleasant death, hopefully spared from witnessing his own deterioration.

It is unfathomable to think that a mere sore throat can lead to death within a day. How many times do we experience a sore throat throughout the year? How often do we feel under the weather? How frequently do our loved ones express similar discomfort, while we casually dismiss their concerns?

You see, I have arrived at a crucial point. Death can arrive suddenly, like flicking a switch. One moment, the people who matter most, whom we often take for granted, are here with us. The next moment, they are gone. The tragic and unexplained nature of their departure lingers in our hearts for the remainder of our days. Though we may forget them on certain occasions, they will invariably resurface in our thoughts throughout life. It could be triggered by engaging in activities they loved, watching their favorite movie, or revisiting shared memories. A song, a particular food, a drink, a swim at the beach, or even the simple act of seeking refuge from the rain while gazing through a window—all these experiences intertwine with the presence of our departed loved ones. They were there with us at some point during our lives. Therefore, let us gather the people we love, even when they occasionally frustrate us, and convey our love to them. Allow them to reciprocate that love. In the blink of an eye, a lifetime's worth of effort can be taken away. Treasure those fleeting moments, cherish your own life, and appreciate the lives of those around you.