Families logo

Family Is Everything

How to come together in the face of adversity ?

By FredPublished 3 months ago 4 min read
Family Is Everything
Photo by Rajiv Perera on Unsplash

Growing up, my brother and i had the kind of relationship that could rival a stormy sea. We clashed more often than we connected, and our disagreements went on for hours and echoed throught the walls of our chidlhood home , for everybody to hear. It wasn't that we didn't care for each other, it was just that we couldn't seem to see eye to eye on anything. Was it maybe due to our indivual desire to assert and identity ourself withing the family dynamic ? Perhaps prove who's the alpha male ?

As we entered adulthood, the distance between us grew like a rift. We both pursued different paths, developed unique and different interests, and built separate lives. Both of use acting like our lives was okay, acting like the other didn't need to be in it. Like we were each self sufficient. The occasional phone call became a rare occurrence, and family reunions felt more like an obligation than a joyous celebration. The faint connection that we once had all those years ago , nowhere to be found, as if forever lost in the bermuda triangle.

You know how life has a way of throwing curveballs at you, when you least expect it ? Well Facts, it's true ! I received a call from my mom telling me my father had just passed away. I won't go into details of how i felt and acted. That story is for another day ...

By Tom Pumford on Unsplash

During difficult times, people often come together to support and comfort one another. I would say that tragedy has a way of gathering people together. My family needed me during that crisis, and it was when i flew back to join them , that i realised the importance of mending that big rift between us, specially with my brother. Our mother and sister needed us to step up during those challenging times. You know, family isn't just a word to be thrown around like nothing , without backing it; it holds a crucial meaning. It's a lifeline that connects us through those hardships, whether we like it or not we got to show up when it matters !

I reached out to my brother, not with accusations or blame nor rehash the past, but with a genuine desire to understand him better. One of us had to be the bigger man, put his pride aside and make the first move for the sake of the family. Even though I was the younger brother, I chose to take that first step and reach out to him. We met for coffee, choosing a neutral ground where the weight of our history could be set aside for a moment. I was nervous, unsure of how he would react, but I knew that I had to try.

We started by reminiscing about our shared childhood, the fun we had together as kids before our relationship took a turn for the worst. Time spent with our common friends from the neighborhood and more importantly with our dear departed father, who was the glue that kept us all together like atoms and molecules. While talking tears started running down my cheeks without my knowledge. I felt sadness and joy at the same time, and a sense of loss. Our conversation, which started as a trip down memory lane, really hit me to my core and soul, but eventually opened the door to conversations about the present and future plans. We talked about our dreams, fears, and the challenges we faced individually everyday. Throughout that conversation, i got to see a different side of my brother, and got to know him again as if meeting for the first time. And i believe the feeling was mutual, because i could see the surprise, sadness and joy in his eyes. And i felt a kind of approuval as well as if through his eyes, his soul was acknowledging the grown up man i had become, telling me " wow brother i believe in you and trust that you'll make your own decisions and walk your own path".

Slowly we began rebuilding our relationship. It wasn't about erasing the past but acknowledging it and choosing to move forward. We learned to appreciate our differences, realizing that they added depth to our connection rather than driving us apart. Instead of focusing on what tore us apart, we celebrated the opportunity to build something new.

Obviously old habits die hard, and the ghosts of past disagreements occasionally resurface in our conversations. But it would not affect us as it did before, because we are no longer those kids full of pride and arrogance who didn't know better. Now we are grown-ups who went through challenges and a common loss, and have come to know that family is a constant work in progress, and mending takes time, patience, understanding of one another , and a willingness to let go of past issues.

By Mayur Gala on Unsplash

Today, my brother and I have a relationship that's far from perfect but genuine and evolving. We've learned to appreciate each other and be there when it truly matters. We came to understand that family isn't just about having the same blood running through our veins, but also choosing to be there for each other, no matter what. And more importantly, we were both happy to see a big smile on our mother's face, who i believe deep down was hoping and praying for that fateful day her boys would finally bury the hatchet and reconcile.



immediate familysiblingsparentshow togriefextended familychildrenadvice

About the Creator

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights


There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.