Echoes of Laughter in the Halls of Grief

Grieving Gone Wild

About a year ago, my father died. Six months earlier, my children’s father – my ex-husband – passed away. Fifteen months before him, I lost my mother. Amidst these profound losses, I also grieved for the passing of my four beloved Brittanys and four cherished chickens, each of them an integral part of my life, each departure adding another layer to my sorrow. Nine years ago, the pattern of loss began when I witnessed a young woman's death right before my eyes. Death, it seems, has been a constant.

An ocean of grief surrounds me. As I struggle to keep my head above water, the shore occasionally appears within reach, promising solid ground and respite. Yet, like being caught in a relentless riptide, I find myself pulled back into the depths, struggling to find footing again.

I have been processing my grief – not a linear thing, particularly when you’re in one stage of grief over the death of your mother when you are hit with the unexpected death of my children’s father – he had only turned 56 a month earlier. So, the grief is layered.

Books That Get It When Nobody Else Does

Lately, I find myself naturally gravitating toward books on grief. Each one offers a glimpse into another person's experience with loss, and there's something unexpectedly comforting in that. It’s as though we're all part of this unspoken community of grief, even though none of us chose to be here.

These books sort of found their way to me, one after another as if they sensed I needed them. They’re not just stories; they feel like quiet companions who understand the journey, giving me solace in those moments when the rest of the world doesn’t seem to get it.

Learning to Smile Through The Tears

Recently, on the first anniversary of my father’s death, I chose something that would purposely be about death. I wasn’t feeling well that day. I sat on the couch working on a puzzle and listened to a short Audible Original recording called Sorry For Your Loss. I was attracted to the artwork on the cover and read that it was performed and written by Michael Cruz Kayne, a comedy writer for the Late Show with Stephen Colbert.

That’s all I knew – other than I knew it would be about death, but from the little I read, it also promised to make me laugh. Kanye has turned a personal tragic loss into a poignant discussion about death. I laughed and cried. I listened and agreed with him as he discussed how our culture has a problem when it comes to death. Everyone dies. It's the one thing we all, no matter what, have in common.

When something horrible has happened to someone, you don't want to like, you know, assuming that that wound is healing, you don't wanna be the person who opens that wound up again. So I understand that aspect of it. I think the other aspect of it is terror. I think that people don't want to reckon with the idea of, like, sort of bottomless sadness.

- Michael Cruz Kanye

This is a must-listen for everyone. I was fascinated listening to Kanye talk about how our society doesn’t like to discuss death. Doctors view it as a failure at times, or so it seems, as opposed to a natural part of life. We all experience death and grief at some point in our lives. As humans, death is a part of life, and we can’t escape it, yet science and medicine try all the time.

Kanye talks about his theory of how modern medical advancements and the sanitization of death experiences can create a sense of isolation from the natural process of dying. This lack of familiarity breeds fear and discomfort when confronted with mortality.

When It Takes a Village Mourning in the Modern Maze

In simpler times, communities had established rituals and support systems for dealing with death. These practices helped individuals and families navigate grief. Kanye discusses how our society emphasizes individualism and control over our lives. This doesn’t jibe with death, which is inherently uncontrollable and impersonal. This clash leads to denial, avoidance, and difficulty in accepting loss.

Unfortunately, the funeral industry and related businesses can sometimes treat death like a product to be sold rather than a sacred and profound human experience. This further disconnects people from the emotional reality of loss and exacerbates feelings of alienation.

I wish I had had some ritual to like guide me through like the, you know, Shiva or something that's like, it would've taken me much faster to that concept of “You are not alone in this.” If there had been a ritual to participate in that made me feel like, “Oh, right, I'm gonna now say every day this prayer that has been said over every single Jew who has ever died in the history of time.” It doesn't allow you to believe you are alone, right? I think something like that could have helped me, but I didn't know how to avail myself of that at that time.

- Michael Cruz Kanye

Kanye acknowledges the complexities of these issues and recognizes that individuals and cultures cope with death in diverse ways.

I don’t want to say too much more about the discussion – I don’t want to blow the experience for potential listeners. He also does a highly recommended podcast called The Good Cry, which I plan to listen to.

Signing off from the Grief Channel

I give Sorry For Your Loss by Michael Cruz Kanye a well-deserved 5-star rating. In this book, Kanye tackles one of life's most challenging subjects with a masterful balance of humor and stark reality. His approach is direct yet thoughtful, weaving real-life experiences with a lightness that makes the topic approachable and deeply relatable. Kanye's skill in blending the somber theme of loss with an undercurrent of humor is refreshing and speaks to the heart of the human experience. This book is a must-read for anyone seeking a genuine and poignant exploration of grief, illuminated by moments of unexpected levity.