DON'T TELL YOUR CHILD THIS!

Have your parents ever told you something that to this day still hurts every time you think about it? Our words have a lot more power than we realize, even if we don't always realize it. In relationships between family members, this is even more crucial. Investigations of kid brain research have shown that the manner in which our folks converse with us turns into the manner in which we figure out how to converse with ourselves. Therefore, even as adults, the manner in which parents communicate with their children may have significant effects on their self-perception, self-esteem, and emotional attachment to other people.

8 Things You Shouldn't Say To Your Child

So, the following are eight of the most harming things a parent can tell their kid:

1) "What's wrong with you?" It can be challenging to even be a parent if your child's personality frequently clashes with your own. However, it is essential to always keep our temper under control and avoid letting our rage take over, regardless of how frustrated we may become. If you ask your child what's wrong because they don't share your interests or behave in a certain way, it will only hurt their self-esteem and make them question their own sense of worth.

2) "I don't have time for you right now". We as a whole realize that dealing with a youngster is no simple undertaking, even with a co parent around. Additionally, juggling a full-time job can be overwhelming. When you have to choose between your work life and your family life, it's important to prioritize your priorities. Don't just tell your child that you don't have time for them or that you can't deal with them right now if you really have to choose the former over the latter at times. Clarify it for them in a manner that won't make them feel terrible and make it dependent upon them later or way. If you don't, they'll start to feel abandoned and alone.

3) "I wish you were more like this". Parents should never compare their children to their siblings or classmates, just as we should not compare ourselves to others. This not only makes them feel insecure, competitive, and jealous, but it also makes them think you don't like them enough and that the love you have for them needs to be earned. Saying, "Why can't you be more like your straight A friend?" is an example. gives them the impression that you care less about them than you do about their grades, which brings us to the next point.

4) "You're a disappointment to me". You must be able to give your child the confidence to make their own mistakes and learn from them if you want them to develop into a person and bring you along for the ride. Don't just say, "You are such a disappointment to me" to criticize them for failing on occasion. But instead urge them to attempt once more by consoling them that it's OK to bomb in some cases and that you'll continuously show up for them regardless of anything else.

5) "Why didn't you?". Similar to the previous point, if you ask your child why they didn't get into this particular college, score higher on the SATs, make the starting team, or win a competition, it only makes them feel worse about themselves, especially since they tried so hard to please you. Because your words made them feel like nothing they do can ever be good enough for you, it can hurt their self-esteem and turn them into neurotic perfectionists who constantly beat themselves up over every little mistake.

6) "Since I said as much." Numerous negative effects on a child can result from an authoritarian parenting style, which entails being extremely strict, controlling, and expecting children to follow the rules you have established without any discussion or compromise. While others become more aggressive, defiant, reckless, and deceptive, some children develop low self-esteem and become socially inept, withdrawn, and dependent. In either case, simply insisting that your child submit to your will because you told them to and because you are the parent in this situation will instill a great deal of resentment and conflict in your relationship.

7) "What are people going to say?". Did your child approach you as a member of the LGBTQ+ community or get a fight call from the principal's office? Do they struggle to make friends or consistently drop out of school? It must have been difficult for them to tell you because they were worried about how you would react, if you didn't already know. However, inquiring, "What are individuals going to think?" Or on the other hand, "What does that say regarding me as a parent?" gives them the impression that you only care about what other people think of them and that you see them as a source of embarrassment for the family.

8) "I'm leaving and never coming back". Last but by no means least. When you start to notice that your child is becoming increasingly ungrateful for everything you do for them, you might be tempted, in the heat of the moment, to utter threats of running away and never returning. However, rather than saying something that will hurt them for years to come, it is preferable to keep your cool and control your emotions. After all, despite the fact that we might not have been aware of it at the time, threats like these are made with the intention of causing harm to your child and scaring them into listening to you or acting, as you say. Additionally, this kind of emotional blackmail can make their attachment to you and others unstable and insecure as they grow up.

So, do any of these things resonate with you? Are you a parent trying to figure out what not to do when raising your child, or are you still trying to recover from hurtful words spoken by another parent? Even if you're neither of these things, it's still important for us to be more aware of how we treat other people and the impact our words can have on them. "Be careful with your words," is a saying. They were once said to be forgiven only, but never forgotten. Did you see this as insightful? Comment below and don't forget to like and share it with friends who might benefit from reading it as well.

References:

Burnett, P. C., & McCrindle, A. R. (1999). The Relationship Between Significant Others’ Positive and Negative Statements, Self-Talk, and Self-Esteem. Child Study Journal, 29(1), 39-39.

Colonnesi, C., Draijer, E. M., Jan JM Stams, G., Van der Bruggen, C. O., Bögels, S. M., & Noom, M. J. (2011). The relation between insecure attachment and child anxiety: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 40(4), 630-645.

Jadon, P. S., & Tripathi, S. (2017). Effect of authoritarian parenting style on self esteem of the child: A systematic review. International Journal of Advance Research and Innovative Ideas in Education, 3(3), 909-913.

Note: This article is not professional advice but a general guidance. Always listen to your intuition and always do what is right for you.