Don't let your "hindsight" ruin your child's life

I knew you would have problems, you just won't change, how did I raise you such a troublemaking and unproductive child?

"I don't know what you think, you have to learn this profession, and now you can't find a job, I told you long ago that you should learn XX major, otherwise it will not be reduced to this situation!"

......

This tendency to think that you knew something would happen is called "hindsight bias", or as the saying goes, "hindsight is wise".

Such parents are subconsciously shirking their responsibilities, and often remember or speak of their "foresight" only after something has happened, which does not help the problem.

Family education plays a vital role for children, children in the process of growing up not only in school education but also in family education, parents often become the first teacher of their children, and their own words and actions are a subtle influence on the development of children.

Parents who shirk their responsibilities and lack parenting style will also bring far-reaching effects on their children: 1.

1. Boredom and rebellion

The child is packing his school bag in a panic, looking for his textbooks and homework, and the parent keeps shouting: "Hurry up! Hurry up! Almost late", and some parents do not forget to say: "I knew you would be like this ......"

From the children's point of view, they also want to become better people, also do not want to let their parents down, when parents indiscriminately, up criticize them, they will also be very sad in their hearts and will feel that parents do not trust them, and thus lose the confidence and courage to act, the heart will also become closed because of the fear of being scolded

Every time they make a mistake, their parents' words seem to be mockery, not only useless but also a very big blow.

Over time, the child will be bored with the parent's "afterthought" performance, and even very disgusted, and finally began to appear rebellious, for the parent's words and control performance more and more resistant, want to break free.

2, selfish, avoid responsibility

When child fails to finish something or makes a mistake, the first time will not feel that it is caused by themselves but will give themselves excuses.

For example, homework can not finish, will say that the teacher set too much; unsatisfactory results will say that the test questions are too difficult, and friends in conflict will say that the other party's character is too bad, and so on.....

In life, parents treat their children differently, when the child makes a mistake, taunting and harsh criticism of education, will make the child will be in a state of fear, that in front of the parents lost the sense of existence and trust, and then choose to immerse themselves in the world, in the long run, the child will develop everything self-centered, no one can intervene and hurt the selfish character

Children may choose excuses or reasons simply because they don't want to see their parents disappointed in their performance and don't want to hear their parents' strict words, but everyone is not perfect, and even parents who are adults can hardly avoid justice in everything and pay for their mistakes every time.

If parents always use their ideas to evaluate their children's behavior, especially when the child makes the mistake to sneer at him, in this situation, the child will lack the experience of success, but also do not get encouragement and correct guidance will produce a sense of powerlessness, will feel that waiting for him is always a failure and parental dissatisfaction, over time, the child faced with problems, the first reaction is to avoid, deny their own mistakes, unwilling to Take responsibility.

Parents who do not take responsibility cannot raise responsible children, and parents, as their children's guides, should avoid the effects of their own "hindsight" on their children.

So how should we do it?

The German philosopher Jaspers said: True education is to use one tree to shake another tree, to use one cloud to push another cloud, to use one soul to awaken another soul.

Parents must learn to lead by example

Some time ago, a boy in Suqian, Jiangsu Province, because of his greed splashed a bottle of ink from his home upstairs, resulting in all the downstairs tenants suffering, and the parents' approach was praised by the whole network, called "textbook level".

First, the child's mother took him home to apologize, followed by the mother cleaning all the clothes that had been spilled, the father cleaning up the wall, and letting the child watch themselves clean up in the sun.

The child watched his parents take responsibility for their mistakes throughout the process and also learned what the cost of the mistake was. Not only can he learn the courage and responsibility of his parents to take the initiative, but he will also appreciate the importance of taking responsibility for his future growth.

Wise parents should not only help their children recognize their mistakes, but also set an example, guide their children to think through their mistakes and avoid making them again, not sneer at their children's mistakes, and not educate them with hindsight.

Be more patient with your child

Doing something wrong, whether or not the child is aware of it, whether or not there are negative emotions, parental complaints, or blame can only make the child's emotions mix, in the face of mistakes, if the child is not afraid, parents are not angry, we can easily solve the problem in a pleasant, the child can also grow up in a happy.

Do you remember the news that a 9-year-old boy in Chongqing stole two thousand dollars from his grandmother to buy handicraft equipment and was punished by his parents for picking up scraps to "pay off the debt"?

The boy because of his playfulness, stole the money to buy game equipment, parents know after being very angry, the first reaction is to hate to beat him, but after work at home, after calmly thinking, thinks beating also can not solve the actual problem, decided to change a disciplinary way, let the child work, let him experience to earn money, know that money is not easy, so there is to the community to pick up scrap, to residents home A scene of collecting scrap ......

In the face of children's mistakes, parents did not violently punish, nor intimidate education, but change the way of education, with a patient way to teach him to bear the fault, with practical action to make up, and for the child, perhaps not the concept of money, after the error occurred, the face of such a situation will be afraid, when he saw his parents are facing with themselves, will also add a lot of courage and confidence, and slowly learn to They will learn to take responsibility for themselves.

Children's problems largely originate from the family, if parents themselves are unable to have good behavior and conduct, children will not have a benign long-term development, at the same time, parents also assume an important role in the education process, the responsibility for their shoulders is also different from others, which reflects the importance of family education.

Educating children is not an easy task, and as parents, we are in the process of learning and figuring out how to do everything perfectly, but we are making progress every day.