divorced parents

I grew up in a household of 5 people. Me, my 2 sisters, mom and dad. My mom and dad would fight a lot. I remember one time playing in my sisters room and my mom came in, crying. She said that she was going to go to her mom. 2 hours from our house. I didn’t know exactly what was going on since I was around 8 years old I think. But I didn’t want her to leave so I started crying. Just like my sister. Eventually my mom just went to our neighbors but forgot her bag so came back and took us with her to her mom. This wasn’t going to be the first time. After this they started fighting even more. Then my mom would go upstairs crying. I remember always writing her a letter. Don’t remember what I would write but I do know I always tried to make her happy.

the divorce At some point my mom even started saying ‘someday I will leave him’ so we already knew that they someday will be divorced. And we were right. Around Christmas of 2016 my parents got in a really big fight. Screaming at each other, throwing things. My mom told us that that the moment was she 100% knew she was going to get a divorce. 6 months later announced it. They were officially getting a divorce. After that my mom stayed living in the same house to look for a house and take care of the documents for the divorce. It took almost 2 years until she got a house.

the process My oldest sister was already moved out for almost 3 years. So the whole moving process was just my mom, sister and i. my dad still lives in the house I grew up in. we go there 1 week then a week at moms and then dad again. Like that. Every week packing all the bags and living for a week and all over again. Every. Week. Yes it drives you insane. We’ve been living like that for a year and a half now and it still is hard. That will probably never change.

My mom sometimes still talks bad about my dad. While she was the person that didn’t want this divorce to get bad. But it did. And because of that you have the pressure of picking sides. That can make everything worse.

expectations People always think like ‘divorced parents, oh it’s not that bad. You get more birthday gifts. Go on vacation more frequently, more attention.’ And the people saying that are people that don’t even have divorced parents. I don’t even care about those things. I would rather have a happy family where I can feel good with. Instead I’m 24/7 in my room to avoid shit talking about my other parent.

the feeling of never finding love. Let’s face it. Most people with divorced parents feel like they will never find love? maybe don’t even want to get married to avoid the whole shebang. Because they saw what went down there. You should know that you are not your parents. Not them and not their mistakes. My mom knew that the relationship of her and my father was not good but she thought that after the marriage everything would get better. I know now that I will never make that mistake. Because I saw how that ends. 2 people that hate each other with 3 kids that have to go through their shit. And that never did me good. So I don’t want my kids to experience that.