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Daddy's Not Home

The journey to find a stranger.

By Nita Published 6 years ago 4 min read

I know I’m not the only person in the world that has a similar story of a father figure being absent in their life. My story wasn’t always like that, my father was in my life up until I was four years old. At that time when I was four, my father wasn’t in a relationship with my mother. He was with a woman named Victoria – this woman couldn’t have kids and as I remember as a child, I really didn’t enjoy my time with her.

My father took my mom to court to get full custody over me. The court granted full custody to my mother and after that I never saw him again. Until two years ago, after I found him on Facebook. Let me just tell you this, I’ve been trying to find my father since I was in middle school. I knew he was a police officer for the city. So I called and tried to find out if he was still an employee. Surprised, he was still an officer- I left about 30 messages for him before he clocked in for work and never one call I received. When my own family members (that knew his whereabouts) wouldn’t even assist. But thank the stars above, I happened to find him online, on Facebook.

After I found his page, I made sure it was truly him before I sent him a message. He had his profile picture of him on vacation with his wife (second marriage) holding a large lizard. On his page under occupation, he placed that he was part of the Baltimore Maryland Police Department. So I sent him a small, quick to the point message. Letting in detail who I was, who I was to him and if he’s interested in knowing me at all then he can freely message me at his earliest convenience.

A couple days later he messaged me, we met in a public place at Barnes & Noble Bookstore. He arrived at the facility and had a large tablet under his arms (I guess just in case he got bored with me I guess ). Once we sat and got the icebreaker out of the way, it was all about him. When we were at the bookstore, he kept showing me pictures of trips, boats and food him and his family experience in my absence. He also showed me (like I actually care about) the kids he took/takes care of since his current marriage to his current wife, Mrs. Veronica.

The only thing he ever asked me to really get to know me was, if I set a date for my wedding. At the time I was engaged to my ex-fiancé (my high school sweetheart) but luckily that didn’t last, but that’s another story. But after that first encounter, we had several other meetings where we played pool, he took me to Delaware to return back a savage car a guy sold me and then stayed with me to get my new car. I’m very grateful for that, but all I want is a simple, father-daughter relationship I longed for my whole life.

So just recently, he reached out to me and said that he wanted to have dinner and catch up on what's new. He went to NYC with his wife and I asked of course if he had a great time and etc. He shared his experience with me and I don’t know how I felt afterwards but I didn’t reply after his response. A week later, my mom calls me and we’re talking about how I’m feeling about the whole situation and I decided to message him cause he never picks up when I call or even when I text his cell phone.

I told him everything and that I want a relationship with him but I’m not forcing myself on someone if they don’t really want it. But it’s okay, so we talked and we went through a lot of back and forth until we agreed to get another paternity test done. All of this has been a learning experience, a learning experience that I wouldn’t wish on an enemy. This is the main reason why me and my sister made it our mission/goal to have a practical family with a mother and father. No child should have to go through trying to find out who are the two people that made them, just to know themselves a little better. But life isn’t always fairytales and rainbows– I never wanted it that way but with my father, yes of course it should.

This story is for all those individuals that don't know/or do know who their father is and feels everyday their absence–you’re not alone. Keep your head up, that’s what I’m trying to do, so he agreed to take the test over. But now I don’t even feel like I should have to go through all that just to make him be a parent.

What do you guys think?


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