Coping With Death During The Pandemic

Death never comes at a good time.

A pandemic is the worst time to lose a loved one. Everyone is advised not to travel and gather, no matter the occasion.

Many people have lost loved ones due to COVID-19, and the worst part is that the living is not advised to mourn together due to social distancing precautions.

I never expected to lose a loved one during the Pandemic — and the craziest thing is that it wasn’t even from the virus. It was a natural death, but the death of a loved one who isn’t coming back.

Losing My Grandfather

Up until now, I had never lost a loved relative that is so close to me. This morning I lost my grandfather to death of natural cause, and my heart hurts like hell.

My brother walked into my room and broke the news to me, and all my siblings and I gathered downstairs with my parents. We hopped into a phone call with my extended family, and they told us the news.

My grandfather asked my grandma to take him to the hospital because he didn’t feel well. The next thing we know is that he needed ambulatory assistance. Paramedics administered CPR for nearly forty minutes, but he never came back.

Part of me is at peace, knowing that my grandmother was by his side, fighting to save his life right by the paramedics. If I could change the situation, I’d be in the same state and drive over to him to feel like I gave him a better chance.

He was only 79 years old. I thought he had more time. I’m absolutely crushed.

This Holiday Season Will Be a Sad One

It breaks my heart that December and January are supposed to be the happiest and most cheerful times. Losing my grandpa feels like being stabbed in the heart and falling into a dark hole.

My grandfather and I bonded over the military. He served thirty years in the Army and retired as a Command Sergeant Major. The Vietnam War stories he told me inspired me so much. He led an entire platoon through the dangerous jungles and got all of his men back home safely.

Now, my family is faced with a huge challenge. Do we risk our health and travel for the funeral?

I’d feel wrong not to go there, pay my respects, and say goodbye one last time. It had been over a year since I said goodbye before my deployment. I need to see him, but I have to risk my health. That sucks.

Dealing With Regret

There is so much that I wish I could have said.

I wanted to film a YouTube video of my grandfather telling his Vietnam stories, but I never got around to it. He always looked forward to our phone calls, but I didn’t reach out to him as much as I would have liked to.

As I go through old family vlogs and photographs, I bawl my eyes and cry tears of joy. My grandfather had such a huge impact on me, and I wish I had the chance to tell him all of the reasons I looked up to him and saw him as a role model.

The only way that the pain will go away is by going through all five stages of grief.

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

These five emotions can strike you at any time, and it doesn’t have to happen in any order. You can circle back and fall into a loop of these stages. As a cliche, the only thing that will truly heal your pain is time.

Give Yourself Time to Grieve

It’s so important to give yourself time to grieve over a loved one. After I heard the news, my family comforted me. Then my girlfriend comforted me. I thought I was ready to get back to work, but I couldn’t do it.

You have to absorb all of the pain and heartbreak when it strikes. There’s no point in trying to work through the flood of emotions. You’re bound to make more mistakes and be unfocused.

After four hours of the news, I was in denial of his death and tried to tell myself that I was fine, and I could carry on trading stocks and creating content. That didn’t work out very well, and that’s when I decided to take a break and cry.

Final Thoughts

We can never prepare for someone’s death.

Every passing of a loved one hurts the same as the next. It isn’t possible to get numb to the feelings. It sucks losing a loved one — especially during a Pandemic.

Cry and let it all out.

It’s okay not to be okay.