Connecting with Biological Relatives
Sometimes it's better not to know.
I was adopted at 19 weeks old. For 24 years I was wondering about what could have possibly happened in those 19 weeks that made me so unwanted. My Bio parents were married when I was born so what could have happened. I grew up in a very happy family but I always wondered what happened. By the time I was 13 I made up my fairytale of what could have happened and that was okay. When I turned 19 I wanted to look up my biological parents.
My adopted family was always open about my adoption so I knew their names already and my mom was ready to help me. My mom always answered all of the questions that I had But I didn't think that she knew the whole story. I am very thankful that I have the family that I do have and my mom always knew this. I always knew I was adopted it wasn't some kind of mystery. I was adopted into a Jewish family and they all had dark hair and eyes. I was the only blonde and blue eyes person there. I was lucky that my family was always open because I have friends who found out when they were much older, in their 20s, and that broke them. Something they were so sure of, changed in an instant.
So I started to look it took a long time almost 5 years to find them. I found out that I am the eldest daughter. My Biological full brother was also adopted. I'm honestly not sure if it hurt me more when I found out he existed or that he was only 11 months younger than me. I was not upset that my brother existed it was more about what I did not know. I was raised 24 years thinking it was just me but it wasn't. I think I always knew that I had a brother. I recently found some old classwork from when I was 6 talking about my brother. Thinking about it now it kind of freaks me out. DidIi know deep down? I always thought that I was an older sister. When I found out more about my biological parents I felt like throwing up. My adopted mom said she could see it on my face it was rough. I was very overwhelmed with the information that I had. I went through the information with my mom and she said what she knew and what she didn't know. Her heart hurt with me. My mom told me that my biological grandmother told her that I would have died if I stayed with my biological parents. Finding out that information hurt.
Over time I realized that me wanting to find out about my biological parents was less important. It was more important to me that I paid attention to the family that I do have, that now extends to my biological brother. My family is not something that I would change. It matters that I was adopted, it changed me and it changed my family. Adoption is trauma no matter what the circumstances are someone is going to be traumatized. I am not sure if knowing more about my biological parents is going to change my life that much. Honestly knowing more about my biological parents doesn't change the fact that I was abandoned now I know a little bit more about them and what I did learn was not the best.It's okay that I was not wanted at first but I am now and it is so much better than I thought it would be.