Children rebellious and disobedient?

Many parents feel that their children are rebellious and disobedient they are right, it is for his good, but the child just does not listen, but also with their own against, do not know that your way of education will determine the child will inevitably rebel.

Why? Because most parents have been using "negative education".

What is denial education? The parents do not believe in their children, more focus on the child's shortcomings or deficiencies, and then ask the child to correct, them to achieve the purpose of making the child good.

For example, when parents see that you are addicted to mobile games, they will criticize the child and ask the child not to play, and then for example, when parents see that the child is procrastinating in writing homework, parents will again criticize the child and ask the child not to procrastinate and hurry to write. Is this the way most parents educate their children? This is the "negative education".

Don't look at the majority of people who are used to "negative education", but this way of education is very difficult to win the cooperation of children because this kind of education is "parent-centered".

"Parent-centered Negative Education

When we say "XX-centered", we mean "XX", for "XX". For example, if we say "leadership-centered", then we are to serve the leadership, everything should be considered first so that the leadership is comfortable; if we say "people-centered", then we are to serve the people, everything in the interests of the people as the main so that The people are comfortable.

Now that we understand this, let's look at negative education, is it "child-centered" or "parent-centered"?

It is "parent-centered". If it is "child-centered", parents should not criticize and blame their children, or even reprimand them. Does it make the child happy? Not.

But parents' anger, criticism, and scolding will make parents happy because when parents get angry and angry, the negative emotions in their hearts are released, and of course, they become relatively happy and healthy.

Therefore, negative education is parent-centered and serves the parents, and the first consideration is the interests of the parents, and the parents will educate their children as they feel comfortable.

Since negative education is not "child-centered", the effect of education will be greatly reduced. The primary purpose of "negative education" is not for the sake of the child, and you still expect such an educational approach to achieve good educational results.

Negative education is indeed rewarded by children's rebellion and opposition to their parents, and children oppose whatever their parents say. Because children feel that their parents are thinking for themselves and not for them, why should they cooperate with them?

Therefore, if parents want to win their children's cooperation and educate them better, they must give up this "parent-centered" negative education and adopt "child-centered" affirmative parenting.

"Child-centered affirmative parenting

Affirmative parenting is based on parents trusting their children and believing that they are good, so parents focus more on their children's strengths and stimulate their children's positive instincts through affirmative praise and commendation, allowing them to spontaneously become better and better.

Why is affirmative parenting "child-centered"?

Because affirmative parenting requires parents to serve the child by helping the child to address obstacles to motivation, rather than criticizing the child from a moral high ground and demanding that the child change.

In our affirmative parenting view, the child has no problems and has the instinct to be positive and strive for excellence. The reason why a child exhibits bad behavior or problems is not due to the child's subjective factors, but due to other objective factors such as the environment. Therefore, parents do not need to criticize and blame their children, and there is no need to do so. Parents need to identify these obstacles and help their children to solve them, and then their children will naturally show their good side.

This is why affirmative parenting places higher demands on parents, requiring them to spend a lot of time learning about the laws of child development and psychology, as well as spending a lot of time observing their children and analyzing their behavior. Only then can parents identify the factors that hinder their children's growth and help them remove obstacles to help their children grow.

Simply put, affirmative parenting is comfortable for the child because the child only needs to follow his or her natural development; it is painful for the parent because the parent needs to guide the child's nature to be released in the right way.

Affirmative parenting is based on child-centeredness, which means that it is easier to win the child's cooperation and ensure better educational results.

Conclusion

Comparing "Negative Parenting" and "Affirmative Parenting", their fundamental starting point is different, and this ultimately determines the different approaches parents take in educating their children, and ultimately the results are very different.

"Negative parenting" determines that parents must adopt a negative approach to education because it is necessary to deny the child's shortcomings, and problems, and to correct the child, so it must be denied. The child does not like to be denied, so it becomes inevitable to fight against the rebellion. To ensure the effectiveness of education, parents must take strong control measures, so the criticism of scolding also becomes inevitable.

Our "affirmative parenting" believes in the child, and believes that the child's problems are mainly caused by other objective factors, so parents do not need to criticize and blame the child, but more affirmative praise for the child. In the face of the parents' affirmative praise, the child will not have to confront the parents, and will not rebel, then the parents can better achieve their educational purposes.