stop worrying about being pretty

At some point in her life, every girl longs to be pretty. Or she longs to be considered pretty. Or she longs for someone to say she is pretty. It’s just what the world has bluntly inferred (if you can bluntly infer something), that a girl should be.

I am a high school educator who has spent countless hours talking to students about identity and worth. So much of that word pretty runs through their mouths: "She's prettier than me..." or "I'm not pretty" or worse than that, "I just don't feel pretty."

Somewhere, somehow we have told our girls that there is this "pretty" factor they need to live up to, to fabricate, to hold, in order to be worthy of dating, worthy of befriending, worthy of succeeding.

Somewhere, somehow the vision of Maria dancing around the set of West Side Story singing "I feel pretty" has caused countless girls to associate their figures and facial structure with the weight of their worth.

When I was a little girl, I loved playing with Barbies. I loved dressing them up in glittery skirts and pink high heels, brushing their long blonde hair, imagining first dates and dances. Barbie had the perfect life – a dream house, a convertible, and a chiseled body. Every curve complimented her colorful over the top wardrobe, her make-up was completely on fleek, and her eyes? The color of the bluest sea.

And whether we like it or not, speak it or not, believe it or not, those counterfeit curves have become a staple stereotype for the definition of beauty.

And even though all the models we see in magazines, on television, and in movies are doctored up, photoshopped, faked, and altered to fit that stereotype, we continue to try and attain it.

Whether subconsciously or consciously, most of the girls I meet are haunted by the Barbie body. When they look in the mirror, they don’t see who they really are. They see fat rolls and bad skin. They see too big, too small, too tall, too short. And although Barbie’s curves are manufactured, her face is tattooed and painted, and her legs in real life would create an imbalance that would send her toppling to the ground, we continue to try and attain it.

Pretty.

But here’s the deal, friends. This is what I found when I searched the definition of “pretty”:

pret-ty

adjective: attractive in a delicate way without being truly beautiful or handsome.

noun: an attractive thing, typically a pleasing but unnecessary accessory

verb: to make pretty or attractive

This only shores up what I’m getting ready to write about being pretty. Just look at the official definition, kids.

Pretty, when used with other words as an adjective, means attractive in a “delicate” way, but WITHOUT being TRULY beautiful or handsome.

Who defines delicate?

Who defines TRULY beautiful or handsome?

Who even decides that?

But as a NOUN – it means attractive — but an UNNECESSARY ACCESSORY.

So, a “pretty” is something to accessorize? With something else? Not by itself?

And it’s unnecessary.

And THIS is what we aspire to be called? To be considered?

To be?

And then, the grand finale. The verb. You have to “make” pretty. “Make” attractive. So to achieve the noun part, which means attractive, you become an UNNECESSARY addition.

This is the actual dictionary definition of pretty. And we want to be that?

Although we may not have defined pretty that way ourselves while growing up, the truth of what pretty is, what pretty expects, and what pretty wants is an expectation of ourselves that is —

unnecessary.

Pretty is completely and utterly an unnecessary ACCESSORY to what really matters and WHO you are. Because who you want to be is the ADVERB definition —

adverb: to a moderately high degree

Pretty kind.

Pretty loyal.

Pretty honest.

Pretty smart.

Pretty helpful.

Pretty determined.

Pretty capable.

Pretty amazing.

Pretty brave.

Pretty altruistic.

You see, you don’t have to be perfect. Well, you can’t. Because no one is. But to a moderately high degree you can be pretty ___________. And you can —

…pretty much IGNORE all the things SCREAMING at you to be pretty.

Because PRETTY isn’t what you want anyway. What you want is to have worth.

And baby, you’ve already got that - and so much more.