Cheers to Love!

As I sit here typing my heart out on what was once a white plain sheet of paper, I cannot help to think back to April 20, 2021. This day I Cheered to my mother’s gracefulness but wept at the fact that I lost my mentor, my shield, my best friend, and my love.

As I remember having spent the day with my momma dukes in the hospital ICU. I could not help but feel saddened by the fact that I was going to lose my mother. It all happened so fast that I still cannot catch my breath. My whole life has changed. However, the biggest part of moving forward without my momma dukes is that I will miss the valuable wisdom that she taught me about life, love, family, faith, death, and how a mother will move mountains and sacrifice herself for the sake of her children. Let me explain.

My mother Gloria Arroyo is the embodiment of what a #BOSSMOM represents. My mother was a pillar in my life from the time that she rescued me from my abusive father until the last day that she surrendered her spirit to her God, with grace and humility. My mother Gloria was a survivor of domestic abuse. Abandoned by her mother at a young age and left to fend for herself in a predominantly male-dominated culture. She survived. I learned how to persevere from her struggles.

My mother Gloria survived life’s obstacles with a memorable smile on her face. Most importantly she went out on her own terms when ALS made its crutching presence into our lives. ALS was inflexible to my mother’s body, muscles, and voice at the end however, my mother chose to stand and not to fall victim. She stood in faith. I learned how to believe.

While it took something so rare such as ALS to break my mother down physically, she still did not surrender to ALS. Rather, my mother, Gloria ended on her own terms, and even when the tubing was placed in her mouth when her hands were strapped to the hospital bed, and when she could not move her feet or speak, my mother’s big beautiful brown eyes and gentle mocha hands spoke words so clear that ALS never stood a chance in silencing her voice. My mother gave me her life, her love, her all! I learned how not to take life for granted.

I remember when I was little a girl, I would always walk beside my mother gripping her skirt for dear life everywhere we went. I remember being so scared to walk through the school doors, cheeks red, crying for safety, and screaming for my mother’s help. My mother, a single mother, raising three kids on her own never gave up on life. She never gave up on me. She learned the English language coming from Puerto Rico at a young age not knowing how things were going to work out. She worked hard to feed her three kids. She even made the ultimate sacrifice and left her job a few times just to sit with me in school.

I also remember my teenage years, which were troubling times for me, but my mother never gave up hope that I would find my way. She knew that her sacrifices would eventually pay off. They did. However, finding my way was not easy. I broke her heart by making wrong decisions. But you see my momma dukes knew things that I didn’t even know. She knew that her love and faith would always pull me back to the right place. Guess what? It did. My mother was patient, and she knew just how to comfort and support me enough to get me back on track. I learned that family is where the heart resides.

I remember when I had my first child, my mother being ecstatic for her first granddaughter. I’ll never forget the words she told me when I said, “I don’t know what I am going to do.” My mother said to me, “As long as I am alive, you and that baby will never have a want or need.” My mother was right. I learned how to show my daughter the same love my mother showed me.

I also remember telling my mother that I wasn’t sure if I was ready to go to college after dropping out from Highschool. She supported me and told me that if she did it when she came to Philadelphia, I could do the same. I remember graduating from Community College of Philadelphia. She was proud of me. I learned to stay strong and believe in myself.

I also remember graduating from the University of Pennsylvania. Something that was never expected. My mother was high-spirited and knew that I would reach a grand achievement before I did. You see. My mother never left me. She never doubted me. She walked in every single door with me. She waited for me. She cared for me and my child. She stood in faith for her family. I learned that faith is all you need

However, just recently having graduated in May 2021 from the University of Pennsylvania again with my master’s degree. This time wasn’t the same. While my mother wasn’t there with me physically, she was there spiritually. Because our connection is stronger than skin and bones my mother’s sacrifices have not gone in vain. This is what I mean about my mother open-heartedly making the ultimate sacrifice. My mother knew that for me to continue to move on and be a stronger woman, a stronger mother, a stronger student, a strong being as she was, she needed to depart this life for me to grab the torch that she has kept lit for her family to keep the legacy of her wisdom going.

What my mother Gloria, ultimately left me with is that I have all of the tools to live a blessed and complete life rather than an empty and bitter one. She also left me with the lesson that I should never give up even when sickness wants to overpower, or challenges want to knock me down. I have learned that I have the power to say who, say when, and say how I want to live out the rest of my days.

With these life lessons, I will never forget what my mother would tell me all of the time when I was feeling unsure, insecure, and doubtful about who and where I fit in this world. She would say, “Como el elefante siempre con la cabeza en alto, mirando hacia el futuro, sin mirar nunca hacia abajo o hacia el pasado.” Meaning, “Like the elephant always with its head held high, looking towards the future, never looking down or to the past!” My mother gave me her love, her life, her all.

Now, that I walk through the doors of life on my own, I know that my mother has given me the most valuable education that I could never attain at an Ivy League University. She taught me to be silent just enough to listen. She taught me to walk away when the enemy tries to challenge me. She taught me to humble myself and be kind to others even if they do not always respond to me in the same way. Most importantly, she taught me to put God first, respect and love myself, and everything will fall into place.

While my heart is still grieving and yearning for just one more touch or a glimpse of her big smile, I know that her wisdom and her presence remain embedded in my memory, heart, and spirit. The most valuable thing that I learned from my experience while caring for my mother during her fight with ALS is to never lose my voice even when things are uncontrollable, hard, or scary. With this said, I chose to stand in honor of my mother by #VOICINGUP and not falling to empty glasses.

MISS ME-BUT LET ME GO