Cancer is Hard on the Whole Family

Since I wrote about my father I thought I would write about my mother and all the struggles she had to overcome.

My mother was born into a normal middle-class family. She had struggles just like many of us growing up. From the things I heard and the mental illness in the family, my grandma made things hard for her and her sisters growing up.

She got married then had my sister at 19, then my brother at the age of 21. I being the youngest did not come until she was 25. Right after I was born she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Imagine being just 25 years old and having breast cancer. That must of been so scary for her. I am scared of that C word and I'm double her age when she was diagnosed.

Growing up she showed her mental illness to me and my siblings. My father did not see this side of her. I know she had a breast removed and an implant put in after some time. Back in the late 70s and early 80s, people did not know about breast implants like they do today. The implant leaked inside her. Do you know how it feels as a woman, to not have breasts or even just have one breast that is no longer there? I could imagine it must be hard for the things my mother endured to make herself look like a woman. I know my father did not care if she had one breast or no breasts. He just loved my mother for who she was.

She went through surgery to get the implant taken out. She had a hysterectomy and a few other surgeries from what I was told. All in all 7 surgeries, I think a number I remember her mentioning when her mental illness was kicking in saying that her parents never came when she was in the hospital for these surgeries. Either it was her mental illness and she was half asleep, drugged up when her parents came to visit her( they claim they came to see her) or she knows exactly what she is talking about. The only one who knows the truth is my grandparents and my mother on that one. My father worked and he couldn't say for sure, they could of went to see her when he was at work. Already as you see, half her life has been nothing but pain and suffering from cancer, and surgeries. But that not is all she went through. She did beat breast cancer.

I rebelled a lot as a teenager. I did not want to grow up like my parents being drug addicts. Just wish I did not grow up so distant from my mother because of her mental illness. She treated us kids badly so was hard.

She started to have a few good years after that. I would say in her early 40s. She and dad started doing a bit of traveling. Fishing more often, just the two of them. Of course, us kids had lives of our own too and they had a bit more free time to spend with each other and mom not being sick.

In her late 40s, is when things got bad all over for my mother. She was only 47 and diagnosed with skin cancer. This one was so far that there was no coming back from this one. She went through so much more than breast cancer. She had to stay in a hospital for a couple of weeks and that was two hours away. Dad was still working at this time so he could not be there with her every day. When she came home from the hospital, her mental illness kicked in full gear. My father was the only one left in the house to get the full brunt of that. He thought the hospital stay did something to her and I told him no different. I did not want to explain to him she has always been that way.

I tried to stay at the house and help her out for a week, but I could not do it. My mother had just gotten back from being in the hospital and had a hard time walking and taking care of herself. My son was just a baby at this point. I had to stay up with her all night and stay up with my son all day. After a week of barely any sleep, I was too stressed to take care of her. Plus being my mother who was always walking and taking care of herself. I was pushing her to be better faster than she could. I couldn't do it. I had to go home. So hard to see my mother that way. I had been a nursing assistant for years but was much different being your own family.

She only lasted a year before she passed away. I honestly felt she was in a better place. She was finally out of pain.

So between my father and my mother, I did a lot more with my father than with my mother with her being sick most my life. I miss her every day and before she passed away, I made sure she knew how much I loved her.