An honest account of Motherhood during Lockdown

Like many parents our children have spent a lot more time confined within the family home this year. In fact as I write this our county is in tier three and as my child is not yet school age I made the decision to keep him at home and not send him to nursery. Yes… clearly I am a little mad.

But, there is a good reason for this. Firstly, I suffer with slight asthma and whilst it is only mild the thought of a virus attacking my chest really doesn’t sound all that pleasant. Secondly, I’m scared. As a parent my sole job is to protect my child. If that means that our house turns into his nursery school temporarily for several weeks and I am run ragged then so be it. I am prepared to make that sacrifice all the while I can.

I’m not going to lie to you. It is bloody hard work. I am not trained as a nursery school or early years teacher. Honestly I have a new admiration for them, because if all this has taught me anything it’s that they have the patience of absolute saints. And I only have one child to contend with.

Don’t get me wrong, having the extra family time has been an absolute dream. Especially before our little baby starts school next year and time becomes much more limited and much more precious. However, as an adult trying to understand what is going on in a four year olds head well… it’s a minefield I am yet to crack.

I mean he gets frustrated, angry, grouchy at the slightest thing and then switches to happy mode at the click of your fingers. It’s like whiplash for my brain and my brain is slowly deteriorating under the pressure.

Life has certainly changed from what it was a year ago and I am not sure I am enjoying the new way of life. My body feels mentally and physically drained. But, isn’t that supposed to be the norm now anyway? I mean if you’re not feeling like this then people assume you’re not working hard enough. Such is the modern and western world we live in. So if no one else will say it then I will. It’s shit, with a capital SHIT. Don’t get me wrong. I love my child more than anything (I wouldn’t put my mind and body through this for just anyone). I think I have definitely proved my love this year alone.

I’m completely running on empty, having eczema flare ups on my face and feel like my body might just completely give up most of the time. Life in lockdown is hard. Especially for parents with young children who are still learning and don’t understand why they can’t have play dates or simply go to the park.

Children don’t understand why they can’t touch and feel things whilst out of the house, after all this is one of the ways that they learn about the world around them. And it’s not just the children who suffer but the parents. Parent and child groups are just as important to the parents as they are for the children. From a parents point of view having other parents to chat to can save you from feeling alone in your parenting space. Parents going through the same stuff become your support system and lockdown has taken that away from all of us.

Life in lockdown has had its ups and its downs. It’s had its amazing moments and it’s had its dark moments. None of which are set to end anytime soon.

The only way we can do this is to take every day as it comes. Your goal today is just to get through today. Take one step at a time and continue to breathe. Take a calming breath and stay connected with family and friends.

We are not alone in this.

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Charlotte Fay is a writer and Poet from Kent, UK. You can find her on Instagram: @charlofay and her poetry books (Soul Insights & I’ve just had a baby) are available from Amazon in paperback and ebook.