An awful upbringing

This is a story about my life as a child. It may seem awful but all of it is true. Other adults raised like I was need to know they are not alone.

When I was born, my mother said I caused her to lose all of her teeth as a form of iron deficiency. Maybe it was all the drugs she had taken though. By the time I was 5 years old or so, my mother was in and out of the home. Her addiction to drugs ruined my childhood. My father is a great man and I have never seen him do drugs. There was a time my mother got so high on xanax, she stopped a vehicle with my brother, my cousin, and I on a railroad track with a train headed for us. My cousin had to move the vehicle off of the railroad tracks before it killed all of us. My mom's brother was pretty upset about this and yelled at her for it. He had every right to yell at her. Another time she was high, she burnt our whole porch down trying to make shrimp kabobs. She would leave for days at a time and only come home to sleep or get more money for her drug habit.

My 7th birthday. My mom bought me a spongebob tv and vcr. It had the matching remote and all. I loved it but the next day it was gone. We went into the pawn shop 2 days after I got the tv, and it was for sale at the pawn shop. I guess she sold it for more drugs. Any birthday or Christmas card we got with money in it, my mom would keep the money for herself so family members stopped giving us money or anything worth any value. They all knew it would get taken from us and sold for drugs. My dad got fed up with her a few times and left. Every time he left, my mom would bring random guys over to have sex with them. She always told us that one of these new guys was our "new dad". We lived in hotels most of our lives so she would tell us to go to sleep and when she thought we were finally sleeping, she would have sex with these guys in the hotel room we were living in. My brother and I would be awake still so we could hear everything she was doing with these guys. I walked in on her having sex with one of her cousins when i was 7 as well. It was an awful thing to see and its burnt into my memory.

My mom finally got off of drugs when she took 32 xanax at one time and had a heart attack. She was obsessed with spending money so when she couldn't take pills anymore, she started playing bingo. She would spend around two hundred dollars a night at bingo. We never had money because of her spending habit. We also couldn't have nice things because she would sell them to get more money for bingo. The only person allowed to have nice things in the home was her. Everybody else had to deal with old things usually bought from a resale shop.

Fast forward to my first period. My mom would swear on the bible that I got my period because I was having sex. I was 13 years old at the time and sex wasn't on my mind at all. This is when the verbal abuse from her started. She would constantly call me fat and praise how handsome my brother is but only talk about my flaws. She always talked about my crooked teeth and how I had to wear glasses. She hated my figure as well. If I wasn't 98 pounds like she was, then I was fat. She was so skinny because of her previous drug habit. She would always call me a whore because she always thought I was having sex when I wasn't. My brother had a baby at 15 years old and was praised for it but I was called a whore if I thought a boy was cute. My dad worked 16 hours a day so he didn't see all the abuse I went through.

When a new school year came around, my mom sent me to school in old dirty clothes. It was 3rd grade I believe and My aunt bought me new clothes but my mom sold them to get money for bills because she spent all the money on drugs. When I got into 6th grade, my mom would only allow me and my brother to get 5 cheap outfits. We couldn't spend over one hundred dollars. When I got into high school, my mom stopped buying me clothes all together. I had to steal new clothes to go to school in. I had to steal school supplies too.

My mom stopped going to bingo and started going to the bar every night. It's 2021 and my mother is now an alcoholic. I have a 5 month old son and she never wants to see him. The only time she will contact me is to ask if I want to drink. I don't drink much after I had my son. My brother moved 3 hours away from home and he has 3 kids. My mother doesn't go and see them either. Me and my mom don't talk much anymore. She calls me when she needs money or when she needs something in general. All the verbal abuse I got as a child has stuck with me. Now i'm depressed, I have anxiety, and I have self esteem issues. If this has happened to you, you're not alone. Life may seem hard but things definitely get better. Hold you're head up and make your own happiness because nobody else will do it for you.