A Whiskey Lullaby

Lets rewind and be kids again. Back before most of our favorite people existed. Before the heart felt it's first sting. Before we knew that sunsets could be unbearable. Or how tomorrow really never is promised. Lets rewind so it doesn't hurt so bad. When a breath of fresh air was everywhere. When sunrises were beautiful. When things were whole. How beautiful it was to step outside and love all that existed. So clear... and sunny. Nature so vivid, alive, and clear. The noise of life never sounded so beautiful. Now we are here, where the clouds always linger. And the sound of life is no longer joyful...

I remember what it was like to be a kid. Growing up, I was never warned of having my heart broke. When I was a young girl, before my teenage years, I remember seeing my dad cry after he lost one of his friends to an electrical accident. I could never understand his pain, or even imagine it. My heart was still brand new. No scratches. No dents. As life moved forward, the older I got, the more my heart went through the chaos of life. I was fourteen years old when my heart felt it's first sting. That good ol' puppy love. It was a short and sweet relationship that never had the chance to grow, but it sure did sting. When I was 26 years old, I swear my heart felt it's last, but constant sting. That year, the sound of life was no longer joyful, and the clouds always lingered.

Life is a story. Everyone has one. Moments. Events. Experiences. People. They can all help shape your existence and form a path in life. The scary part about it all is that we are blind to it. We take chances and risks. You have control over your story, you can write your book however you want to. But there will always be forks in the road, dead ends, and other things that happen that are out of your control, that could lead your story off into the unknown abyss. You can sill figure out a way through it, but it'll change your existence. In my story, I had to fight hard for love that seemed to be star-crossed. I found a love that was deep and impossible to define in words, but was impeded by the stars. I lost to this battle five years ago. A battle that has stripped me of all that I used to be, and left my soul empty. Here I am, a damaged soul.

I met my star-crossed lover during my sophomore year in high school. I was 16 years old, a punk rock skater girl who had just gotten my heart broke for the second time in my life. It was the month of May, spring time, school was coming to an end. One afternoon after the last bell of school rang, I was walking to my car, and I noticed a pocket sized piece of notebook paper under my windshield wiper. I took it off and unfolded it to read, "Hit me up sometime - D-Loc." I thought.... who is D-Loc?! On the bottom of the piece of paper it had a phone number, ***-9999. I also thought it was strange to have a phone number with the last four digits the same. I actually thought it was a prank. Someone is messing with me. I got in my car and tucked the note in my console. I forgot about it after that.

A couple days went by, as I'm walking to my car after school, I again notice another pocket sized piece of notebook paper under my windshield wiper. I took it off and unfolded it again to read, "Call me, ***-9999, D-Loc." I shook my head as I got in my car, and tucked it away in the console with the other one. Maybe I'll call it later just to see who answers. The doubt was really high though, I hate to be played a fool, and I hate being someones prank.

The last week of school was here. I remember I parked my car in the parking lost this time, instead of on the side of the road, just in case the potential prankster comes back. As I'm walking to my car after school, I see it in the distance. A white piece of paper flapping in the wind, trying to escape the hold of my windshield wiper. At this point, I feel like someones watching me. Someone is sitting off somewhere watching how I would react to it. I took the piece of paper out from under my windshield and tucked it in my pants pocket, got in my car and drove off. I about had enough of this. I decided that it was time to call this number and figure out who it belongs to.

.... To be continued