A Mothers Love is truly the fuel that enables the normal human being to do the impossible....

A letter to honour my Mother in my lifetime

I thought about this moment many a time, standing at the podium in a crematorium, ready to deliver a speech for our dearest Mother’s loss. You always think that when the time comes, you know what you will say, because your heart will be gushing with pain and grief. You think about remembering your loved one …. But the reality is, that now that I stand here in front of you all, I was not sure what to say… not because I am in shock of my Mothers loss and not because I am saddened, but simply because it doesn’t feel like she has left us. Her presence is everywhere I turn.

Dear Mum,

In this world you came in the form of a Mother, but to me, you were my greatest teacher, I could sit and watch you for hours on end, like a monk would sit and meditate devoting his time to perfect his practice. I would watch you with the earnest eyes of a spiritual student, yearning to see what else I could learn from you. The profound ability for your body to accept pain and suffering like a water off a duck’s back was nothing short of a miracle

For someone who couldn’t speak, your presence, pure soul and playful nature captured the hearts of anyone that met you. You spread love and kindness wherever you went and left a truly remarkable impact on medical professionals by constantly U turning from deaths door and re-writing the medical textbook.

You made my leaning unnecessary and your detachment to this world whilst you were living is the greatest parting gift I have received in this lifetime, reminding me that you are and always will be the epitome of spiritual ascension in my eyes.

I still remember the day that the Carer at the nursing home came to reposition you in bed and because you were unable to balance he rolled you over towards him and you spotted a gap in between his uniform buttons, where the button must have fallen off, and you could see a portion of his bare belly, so you somehow, even though you were left side paralysed, tickled his belly with your little fingers. Despite you lacking mental capacity (according to medical practitioners) and suffering a neurological condition, you shouldn’t have been able to do that. But you had everyone in that room in hysterics. You kept surprising us all in the funniest and most endearing ways.

The greatest lesson you taught me was how to remain courageous during times of pain and suffering and never forget to stay playful.. Your presence trained me like a soldier entering into a losing battle, to care for the vulnerable and sick, and I understand now that my my lifetime of care duties for you were preparing me for deeper soul lessons, saving my little brother from addiction...and therefore death..

And even though it breaks my heart into a thousand pieces to know that I will not be able to hold you, or feel the squeeze of your hand, and your playful wink, I hold comfort that you have left your essence in each one of your children, a wound that I promise will be filled with purpose.

You have left me with a profound gift of peace in my heart, I feel your beautiful presence wherever I go, you are now free to run wild, like a playful child in a forest full of leaves.

As a final note…. You stole my heart the moment I met you in this lifetime, and no one will ever be able to fill that space. I honour and respect you so much as a highly evolved soul and then as my amazing Mother...

xxx