4 Ways to Help Your Parents from a Distance

A parent-child relationship is one of the most evolving and versatile relationships we, as humans, are ever going to have.

Our parents are there to teach us, help us, and guide us in the right direction as we grow up. They’re there to take all of our lashing out in our teens, and there as silent support as we take our first steps toward adulthood.

But as they get older, this relationship enters some uncharted waters, where they might need more help than they can offer us. And if you don’t live near them, or just can’t be there a lot, it’s probably going to feel overwhelming, challenging, and a bit heartbreaking.

So, what are your options and how do you tackle this new situation? Here are four ways to help your parents out, even from a distance.

Accept what has changed

The first thing that both you and your parents will need to adapt to is the change in the relationship.

Your parents will always want to be the caregivers, and getting used to the fact that you are now there to help them can be very difficult for them—especially if they’re the type that struggles with asking for help from anyone.

The best thing you can do in this situation is to openly discuss everything. Tell them how you feel, and ask them to open up about their own feelings of getting older and increasingly needing to rely on you.

That way, you will all be on the same page, and be able to take the new circumstances in your stride.

Ensure their safety

You will worry about your parents’ safety while you’re away, which is perfectly natural.

One of the things you can do to ease your mind is to get to know their neighbors and ask them to keep an eye on things. They don’t have to be stopping by and reporting to you every day, but an occasional glance across the street could be a welcome relief.

Another thing you should do is install a medical alert system in your parents’ home. Knowing that there’s a reliable and professional system in case of an emergency, will certainly help you sleep better too.

If they’re faced with certain medical issues, make sure the home accommodates any special needs they might have. Adapt the bathroom and kitchen, see what you can do about stairs, and so on.

Establish regular check-ins

Agree on a time when you will chat—be it via phone, Skype, FaceTime, or any other app you prefer and find easy to use. This will not only ensure you stay in touch and a part of each other’s lives, but if they fail to answer a call, you’ll know something is up and can act accordingly.

Ask them to text you every day, let’s say in the evening after dinner, so you know they’re all right and don’t have to wonder where they are and how they’re doing.

You don’t have to be solely responsible and the only one to keep constant track. You can involve different family members—make sure they check in with your parents and send a quick thumbs-up into a joint group on Facebook or another chat app, so you’re all kept in the loop.

Set up an emergency plan

If an emergency does arise—and let’s hope it never will—you need to have a plan in place.

Be ready to leave at a moment’s notice, if you’re the one who has to get there momentarily. Pack a bag, and have a list ready of all the people you need to notify. In a panicky and stressful situation, you can easily forget something important, so having such a list can come in very handy.

Make sure every family member has their own role and knows what it is: who is flying to your parents, who is alerting the rest of the family, is there a cash fund readily available to handle the situation, which doctors and hospitals are you going to, etc.

Watching our parents get older is a scary experience. We are so used to them being the strong and responsible ones that we have trouble adapting to this newfound complexity in the parent-child relationship. However, with a bit of effort and planning, you can be ready to tackle any hurdle, and step into your own role as caregiver.