3AM Feels

I honestly, don't know where to begin...from the locked down or from the beginning of my life?

It seems like, I'm living in a movie that has a never-ending drama. My friends that know me very well, they would often say that my life is like a t.v drama. Whenever something happens or an event occurs, is always so dramatic that is unbelieve, they can't phantom that it had actually happened.

But it did and they are what made me who I am today, I am thankful for all the love and support that I have around me, it had shaped me into the person that I am proud of today.

Everyone makes mistakes, the only difference is, do you learn from them or carry on and make the same mistakes and keep on repeating it, asking yourself why? What went wrong?

From a young age, I've always been asking these questions, why me? What did I do wrong? What do I do? How? Help me.

It was painful and difficult to pull myself out of the darkness that consumed me. Every night I would cry myself to sleep, pray that my life would end and end this misery that I was living in.

Noone to trust, no support to rely on, just at 10 years of age and I was facing the harsh life of reality. Being told daily that I was useless, ugly, worthless, brain-dead, emotionally abused and controlled by the person that gave birth to me.

What made it worst was the fact that I had an older sister which I now consider as an outsider and stranger to me, she abandoned me to live in the hell hole of a house.What's worst, she hated me so much that she would find all sorts of ways to make my life a living hell.

I was already living in hell, she only added more fuel to the fire. I kept my silence, forced myself to have no emotions and feelings. To be cold and distance, because the moment I have emotions is when I become weak they win. No matter what they said, I would pretend that it didn't hurt, even if it did, I had no choice if I wanted to survive in this household.

Then my little sister came to the world, it wasn't just me now that I had to protect but her as well. I try to do anything and everything so nothing happened to her, but I couldn't always stay by her and protect her.

For today, we'll stop here. This is only the tip of an iceberg, each week I will upload and go into details, from the past and up to our current time. Each week will be different unless there is a request that you would like a certain part of my life to be updated sooner than later.

Thank you for reading my story, hope you can support me as a creative. I am currently new and hope to expand further, thanks for dropping by.