10 Things I’ve Learned as a Single Parent

“It takes a village.”

That’s the very first piece of advice I

received after finding out I was pregnant. It

was from an elderly woman I had known for

a brief time during my nurse assistant days.

One statement, a small nod, and a stare into

oblivion. She had been someone’s mother

for most of her life. Little did I know how

this phrase would come back around.

1.) I had a short unpaid maternity leave, six weeks to be exact

But I was a lucky part of the 60% of

American workers that were eligible under

The Family and Medical Leave Act, or

FMLA. This meant I had six weeks to bond

with my new baby, set her and myself on a

schedule, and heal physically/emotionally

enough to return to work. It was one of the

most challenging aspects, personally, of

having a newborn.

2.) Parental Guilt is very real, but so is your Love for your Child

Even Supermom/dad will feel this way at

least once on their parenting journey (but

probably way more often). Nine times out

of Ten, it isn’t because you’re a terrible

parent. Both single moms and dads alike

are bound to feel like they work too much,

and cannot spend enough time with their

babies. Your already busy lifestyle can seem

overwhelming (but often times this is a

good sign you’re doing everything right) and

you may find it difficult to maintain

personal hobbies. But you owe it to yourself

to dedicate time daily, weekly, or however

you’d like to split it up, for your own

interests.

3.) Your social life will change, but many of your friends are still there to offer support.

As a single parent, you may often not have

the resources to afford a baby sitter for

every social event you have an interest in. I

had to learn to pick and choose what was

really important to me, and I had to learn

how to accept that life would never really be

“normal” again (not to say it with negative

connotation) and it can be isolating.

There may be times you just need to let

loose for a while. That’s perfectly fine. There

is no shame in asking for a shoulder to lean

on. No one can hold it in forever, and

stressful days happen to us all. Your friends

care for you, and all it takes is a little

reaching out to see that.

4.) The little things will become your biggest moments.

If you’ve never experienced the joy of your

baby calling you with their first words,

you’re in for a treat. I actually cried when

my daughter took her first steps. Her first

birthday party was more exciting to me than

any birthday party I’ve ever had. Every new

sound, reach, or action your child makes is

a call for celebration.

5.) The ways we entertain our families are always changing, but quality time remains just as important.

If you’ve ever witnessed an 18 month old

scroll on a smart phone, you can understand

my bewilderment. I was stacking cans in my

grandmas kitchen, while she cooked, for fun

at that age. But, life is changing every day,

and new times are arriving. It’s important to

take the time to spend regular at home tasks

with your little. Even just enjoying your

meals together, or taking care of chores

together can foster a loving connection, and

a deep sense of family values.

6.) Coparenting in a healthy manner sets a better example than holding on to bitterness.

I understand this may not apply to every

single parents’ situation, as they’re all

unique. But if it is possible to coparent with

your baby, it’s better that relationship

thrives in a healthy manner. All kids want to

see their parents happy and functioning.

Even if there is conflict to be addressed,

concerning the child with it is

counterproductive. Studies show that

consistency is key, and this style of

parenting can still harbor healthy discipline

and sense of self.

7.) Everyone around you will have different advice, but you can take a little bit from all of it.

Ah, yes, the village theory. The term

originates as an African proverb. While it is

true many single parents successfully bring

up their children, it is rarely done entirely

solo. A mix of family and friends will have

an impact on the raising process, just the

same as couples. When your baby is new,

you can expect to hear every wives tale in

the book. Everyone, seems to become an

overnight baby expert. This may seem a

little overboard, but try to listen deeply.

Every silly remedy has a grain of truth to it.

It’s notable to mention that this variety will

help your baby blossom into a very unique

individual, who can empathize with

different types of views.

8.) You’ll feel like you’re becoming your parents.

Or namely whoever raised you. There will

be fun times, and challenging times.

Toddlers are not the biggest fans of the

word “no”. It will be moments like these

where you’ll have a thought, or a reaction to

your baby, that reminds you of your parents

just enough to make you go “woah”. This

feeling can be followed with a feeling of

aging, but do not worry, rather realize this

is you maturing and even learning a thing or

two from your little.

9.) You’ll learn what it feels like to make unconditional sacrifices.

The bond between a baby and its’ parent is

sacred. Often times, parents report the love

they have for their child as unmatched.

They’re prepared to do anything it takes to

help their baby succeed. You’ll learn how to

be selfless at the deepest root of the word.

Australian Chef and Author, Curtis Stone,

once said, “I'm much more selfless and

humble and you're reminded about what

life's really about. You love your kid so

much that you just want to be a brilliant

role model for them. It cleans up your act a

bit”.

10.) You will always be stronger for your struggles.

Being a parent in general can prove to be

difficult, doing it alone is a whole other

ballgame. But parents of all kinds need to

remember to give themselves a pat on the

back once in a while. Every sleepless night,

every sick day, every second of teething or

booboo’s or life lessons, is toughening you.

Your efforts won’t go unnoticed. Your

impact will hit hard, and with every fall,

you’ll learn to rise to the occasion once

more.