Why I Am Always So Calm; How & WHY You Should Too

I don’t know why I was that way. One word against myself or my decisions or belief and I would yell like a hungry lion. Ohh wait, lions don’t yell.

Not only that, I would get angry at myself or even at intangible things like my chair if it doesn’t move while I am trying with all my force. I would say things I didn’t mean, hurt people with my words while thinking that no one can talk to me like that, try to be dominating, or get frustrated about intangible things for not behaving as I wanted.

I cannot exactly pinpoint why I was that way. But I wasn’t like that since the start and I am definitely not like that now. Something changed me for a while.

I am way more calm than I used to be. In fact, I am so calm that to get any reaction from me, one might have to try extra hard. Not that I have become a robot. No. I feel more than ever but I don’t react to everything.

If you are someone who is tired of getting angry about everything, feeling frustrated for no exact reason, and seeing the people around getting hurt then let’s see how you can become more calm without beating yourself up.

1. The Magical Hug:

It was during lockdown when I read my first book, ‘The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari’ by Robin Sharma and since then I started believing that books choose us.

A little backstory, my college was about to end when I (and the world) was stuck at home due to Covid-19. I was supposed to get a job and I didn’t know what was I passionate about. Besides, at my home, I didn’t have my personal room so I was sharing a room with my mother. In short, I didn’t have my personal space to cry or feel any emotion.

The lack of personal space, and the career tension made me even more pathetic. But then I read ‘The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari’ and I changed in a way I didn’t expect.

How?

Well, just as I shared, I stored a lot of things in my heart which made me feel heavier. In simple words, I overworked myself and overburdened myself. There was a time when I would feel stressed and anxious without any reason. And I believe, that’s the key reason for our anger.

You have stored so much in your heart that it feels like you are drowning and no one can even see it. And in such a case, all you need is a comforting hug. Someone who can hug you so tightly that even if for a second you feel lighter. Like some of the weight from your chest is being lifted.

Not everyone has that someone. I didn’t. But when I read this book, I felt like the author is speaking to me directly. Telling me that I am not alone.

There was one thing that stuck with me from the book and it was, you are responsible for your emotions. Yelling at others or throwing things wouldn’t make things better magically. You need to come to the center with your emotions.

How can you do that?

Whenever you feel angry at anyone, take a minute before you say anything. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and let it all go. Let go of your need to be powerful or superior. Let go of your need to control everything. The longer you hold onto things, the more it will hurt and that hurt will into anger.

So, instead of ignoring your emotions and letting them store in your heart, focus on what you can do to change your mood. Don’t throw your garbage at others. Empty your heart. Throw away the things that are holding you back.

2. Become More Empathetic & Kind:

I know that you have heard this more than a thousand times but the best remedy of anger is empathy.

And I believe that since your anger is stored in your heart, you should become empathetic and kind towards yourself first.

See yourself as if you are looking at a child. A beautiful innocent child who is overburdened by the world to handle it all. Look at this child and ask yourself, does this child really deserve my ignorance?

The world is not going to comfort you. You have to do that for yourself. You don’t deserve your own ignorance. You don’t need to store your emotions inside your heart just to make others feel comfortable. Feel all your emotions even if that takes being alone for a while. Look at yourself with the eyes of love, kindness, and empathy as if you are looking at a cute child who needs your attention.

Kids cannot take care of themselves. They need the guidance of adults, right? Consider yourself that guardian for the child inside you. Don’t ignore that child and don’t let him/her do anything alone. Don’t let the child in you become overburdened to a point where everything can trigger them. Pay attention. Be observant of your feelings. And comfort yourself whenever needed and say to yourself that everything will be fine.

It’s your duty to take care of yourself. Don’t get angry at others for not behaving the way you wanted.

3. Be Better:

I became my dream version in the same environment that was suffocating me.

How?

Well, after accepting that I am responsible for my emotions and no one is coming to rescue me, I realized that I am angry at myself for not building the life I wanted.

I was angry because I was just complaining about things rather than doing anything to improve them. The anger I was feeling was at myself for making my life worse. So, what did I do instead?

I started my own Instagram page with absolutely zero followers. I knew that I want to do something. I just didn’t know what. So, I started sharing the simple lessons that I was learning from books. Then? Well, it took me 2 years to reach 98k followers but the journey was fulfilling.

With every comment, like, and post, I gained my confidence back. I started feeling that there is something to look forward to. I started reading more. I networked with a lot of influencers and all of it became so exciting that my anger flew into thin air.

And I would suggest you to do the same as well. Sometimes, we are angry at ourselves for not doing anything that our heart craves. Maybe you want to take a road trip or learn something new or start a small business or plan more dinner dates with your partner. But you are not doing any of it because you are too lazy or whatever your reason is.

When we don’t do what we think can improve our lives, we become angry at ourselves. We start hating ourselves a little for not building the life we deserve.

So, do what it takes to move forward. You don’t have to achieve everything at once. But the start is important. What you do think you hate in your life? Is it your job? or your room walls? or the way you dress or how your skin looks at the moment? Whatever it is, complaining about it wouldn’t change anything and your deeper inner self knows that. If you hate something about your life, change it. Improve it, give it a makeover. But don’t stay where you are because that will make you bitter.

So choose, do you want to stay bitter or do you want to become better? The choice is in your hands.

Conclusion:

I hope this article helps you in some ways. I have tried to give the solution to every possible reason for your anger. Now, I hope you take action to become calm like a cucumber.