Ever Expanding Imagination

All my life I have been the center of attention. It was made apparent to me at an early age that I was a star whether I wanted to be or not. I was just always the topic of discussion of my Shreveport, Louisiana community. From speaking in the congregation at the age of 7, to being the only African in Caddo Parish Middle Magnet’s production of Little Women it’s safe to say that I have grown accustomed to existing within my own light. Or have I ?

Throughout the years I have developed a sort of method acting defense mechanism to the society I found myself in. Growing up a Queer Black butterfly in the Deep South region of the United States I was made aware at an early age that there had not been a space carved out for me in the vastness of this civilization. Aspects of my being were highly examined, hyper analyzed and over-policed. As a consequence of the marginalization of my natural being I felt on a direct level from the community around me, I began to adjust to suit the comfortability of those around me. I became rather versed in mask work, pulling out whichever mask proved most appropriate for the setting. For so many years I would offset my energy and assimilate to those around me. I wore masks for so long that my own reflection grew hazy. I was not sure of who exactly I was. I came to understand that I was not as fond of acting as I thought I was. In reality I wore the characters I portrayed as force fields to protect my ego from being disparaged by others. For that reason I am not currently acting. Instead I have embarked on a journey with no end destination in mind. At this moment in my life nothing is more liberating to my soul than cosmically liberated exploration. Cosmically liberated exploration is my reality, my fantasy and my ever expanding universe.

During my time at Booker T. Washington High School for the Performing and Visual Arts I was blessed with a community dedicated to the collective advancement of our tribe. Still I felt a sense of competition. The danger of an educational curriculum geared towards the arts is that unlike most academics there is not a “right” way to create art. For art is merely the individual’s expression of their reckoning with the universe they find themselves in. To compare art is to say that one individual should take on the light of the nearest star differently than another. Comparing art is counterproductive for us as a human society as it goes against the natural demand of our existence. All human beings are individually molded. We all come from varying walks of life, differing cultural traditions and ancestral endowed abilities. As a result of the concrete factors we are produced from we are bestowed with arguably the greatest asset of our society , perspective. Perspective is the truth we gather from the fact of existence. For example, say Elena, the elderly woman with abasia in your community suddenly gets up out of her wheelchair and burst into a sprint after 26 years of being immobile. The fact of the situation is that the woman is running. Now, depending on the perspectives of the witnesses we speculate on the truth of why this miracle has taken place. A devout Christian may say that is was work of the Holy Spirit, a devout Muslim May say that it was other than allah and someone who credits all things to science may have a more logical explanation to the miracle that has transpired. However the one truth that remains valid is that the undeniable event took place in real space and time.

Perspective offers all of us a new route to take in order to reach the same conclusion. Ever heard the saying “There is more than one way to skin a fish?” or “A million roads can all lead to the same destination.” ? I believe wholeheartedly that the more I allow myself to surrender the all the perspectives around me instead of trying to be “correct” the more universally aware I will be.

I say this to say that I have found a safe haven in my creation. Cosmically liberated creation that is. I no longer look outwards for validation. I understand that my creations, like myself, are never done. I embrace that I am a work in progress. As I venture out and explore my being through unfamiliar mediums I find that I am gathering the shattered pieces of my spirit. Living a life of cosmically liberated exploration carves out the space for me society so long denied me. Living a life of cosmically liberated exploration is my refuge from the darkness that clouds the history books of my society. By following my own light I set myself free. By following my own light , I give myself room to breathe.