Toxic Relationships Have Been Removed From My Life Part 1

I searched up the term "freedom" on the Wikipedia website while doing research for this piece, expecting to discover some grandiose definition. "Freedom is viewed as either having the ability to act or change without limitation or have the power and resources to realise one's goal," I discovered instead. The article then uses a Norman Rockwell painting named "Four Freedoms" to highlight the four basic freedoms that the US fought for during WWII: freedom of speech, freedom of worship, freedom from want, and freedom from fear.

To that, I'd like to make my own contribution in the form of this short article: Freedom from Toxic Relationships.

I was born into a hazardous atmosphere, which had an impact on me even before I was born. My parents had four children before me, but there was a ten- to sixteen-year age difference between me and any of them. I was thought to be a mistake from the moment I was born, and I was abused even in my mother's pregnancy. My mother did not believe in abortion, yet it felt OK to her to starve herself for days at a time when pregnant with me, with consequences that I am still struggling with 53 years later.

Growing up was no different; while my parents finally accepted me as their own because they had no choice, my four siblings did not. They all blamed me for my mother's health problems, despite the fact that I knew she was unwell before I was born. My brother was sad because he was no longer the only male, and my sister was upset because she was no longer the youngest, all of which they carried into adulthood, and some of which they still carry to this day.

They all moved away within a year of their other in the late 1970s, and none of them ever returned. During that period, I only saw my brother maybe six times before he died, and each time he displayed such utter hate towards me that I didn't want to be near him.

My wonderful siblings "volunteered" me to care after my parents when I reached 16 because my sister was out of the home and both of my parents were quite unwell. I assumed it would last 2 - 3 years because my mother was already in her 60s and unwell, so I figured it would be over. But those two to three years evolved into 23. My mother's poison never fully went away throughout that period, and I was informed that she was my mother and that I had to live with her toxic conduct. [Yes, Valarie, she was my mother, and I was pretty much the only one who was "willing" to deal with her for any length of time.]

I assumed that when my mother died, the poisonous atmosphere would be over, but even on her deathbed, my mother was so toxic to me that it still haunts me 16 years later. Whereas most individuals spend their final hours making apologies or making a dramatic confession, she spent her final hour just reaffirming all of the toxic things she said to me throughout my life in one hour of power. But, surely, when she died, that was the end of it? You are completely incorrect.

My oldest sister and brother (who was still living at the time) had watched one too many old movies where someone dies and someone else mysteriously receives millions, if not billions of money, and they didn't want me to be a part of it. They didn't have millions or billions of dollars, and they rapidly discovered that they couldn't even sell the property at a loss unless they paid off certain debts. Aunt Karma paid a visit, because guess what, I was still not a part of it,But, at 37, I'd finally be able to go on with my life and leave the toxicity of the prior years in the past, right? Right? My brother was still alive and a factor for another five years, but two of the other sisters I no longer affiliated with, leaving me with only one sister, the oldest, the one I associated with the most, who, unbeknownst to me, was on her way to becoming the most poisonous person of the group. and I didn't want to be.