The System Is Broken

After months of back and forth as well as $37,000 in legal fees, I was finally granted a divorce on February 16, 2022 with full physical custody of my children and I thought that I would be able to start moving on with my life. Man was I wrong.

My ex-husband was indicted on the Domestic Violence charge in March of 2022, yes you read that right, over a year after the abuse and arrest, he was indicted and yet we still have no set court date.

Things continued to decline, as he violated our custody agreement multiple times and my children began to receive the brunt of everything. On April 18, 2022, my boys spent Spring Break with their father and upon their return, the things that they told involving drug use, alcohol use, and abuse me concerned me greatly, so I started reaching out for help. I contacted Beaufort County DSS to try and see what options were available and after telling the intake person what had been happening, I was told that a case was being opened.

On May 1, 2022 I picked up my children at the Bluffton Police Station after they had spent the weekend with their father. My 4-year-old son got into the car with a busted lip and a fingerprint bruise on his backside which was the result of the physical abuse that he endured while he was with his father. I contacted DSS who instructed me to make a police report and schedule a doctor’s appointment, both of which I did. Now remember, from April 18th to May 1st I had not met with anyone from DSS and had only spoken with them on the phone, no one had spoken with my children and nothing had been done. This provided a week and a half when something could have been done but ultimately ended up with my son being physically harmed again.

May 3, 2022 was the first time anyone with DSS spoke to my children or came to my home. My children again and in great detail described everything that has happened to them not only the physical abuse, but this conversation also included things that they were subjected to while in the care of their father. This is now the third time they had to re-live the trauma. I was told that DSS would be going to their father’s home on May 5, 2022 and by 12:30 pm that day they were still unable to locate him. Out of fear for my children, I went and picked them up from school and took them somewhere safe not knowing how their father would react once he knew that DSS was now involved. After picking up my children and getting them to a safe space I headed back to work where I passed my ex-husband going the opposite direction down May River Road. He turned around on May River Road and proceeded to chase me down that road, onto Buck Island Road, across Bluffton Parkway, back onto Buck Island Road and up to the gate where I work. I called 911 and was begging for someone to get to me because I did not know what he was going to do, not to mention he thought I had the boys with me so chasing me would have been putting the boys in danger because of him once again. A police report was filed, and the traffic cameras were pulled documenting his actions and everything was sent into the solicitor’s office since this action was a violation of his bond restrictions. As I sit here writing this now in July, nothing has been done in-regard-to this bond violation.

After they were able to meet with him at his home, I was told that nothing was found within his home when DSS went in even though my children, in great detail, provided locations and information about multiple firearms and illegal items. After further research, it was found that not only did they “not find anything” but that the police never even went into his home even though they had all of this information. Also remember that as a County Employee within the EMS system, he has a radio, which is always on and provided him with knowledge of the police and DSS coming to his home the minute that the call went out. Having this knowledge afforded him plenty of time to remove any of the items my children stated were in the home. However, having the knowledge that day was not necessary since the case workers father is a Bluffton Firefighter who works with my ex-husband.

On May 6, 2022 I went to the Beaufort County Magistrate Court in Bluffton and tried to get a restraining order, now that he violated his bond and so that we were protected but I was denied because I have full physical custody of the boys and anything regarding them has to go through family court. I tried to get an emergency hearing through Family Court to protect the boys but because the divorce was already settled and signed by the judge, and DSS was still investigating and not providing a recommendation at the time, I was told that my only option would be to file for an emergency hearing, requesting a Guardian ad litem to start an investigation. Doing this would ultimately resulting in re-opening the entire case that I just spent $37,000 on. In order to do this, I was facing another $30,000 - $60,000 in legal fees. Please remember that I am a victim, my children are victims, but I, as a single mother working full time to make ends meet and provide my children with the life they deserve, would have to find $30,000 - $60,000 with only the hope for a change and prayer that it does not backfire on me due to the “good ole boy” system and him being an employee of the county which has already shown that they do not care about the victims of their employees.

Due to the fact that my children provided details of illegal substances in conjunction with their father we were all required to take drug tests, which was perfectly fine, however, he was provided 30-days to take this test even though at this point we were already 26 days from the last reported use and providing another 30-days meant that as long as he did not do any substances during that time, the testing would come back clean. Now knowing the direct connection to my ex-husband, I know why this amount of time was provided.

During this time, my youngest son was having a very hard time and was very scared. This caused behavior issues at daycare and at home. He was extremely fearful of his father getting him, to the point that he would ask the front office team to check the doors and watch for his dad’s truck. This fear and anxiety resulted in me having to leave work on 5 different occasions over a two-week span to pick him up because he did not feel safe.

The boys were scheduled for a Forensic Interview on May 27, 2022 and during that time, due to the court ordered visitation schedule, I had to continue to send my children to be with their father even though they were begging me not to go, telling everyone that they are scared, telling all of the right people their story and still nothing was being done to protect them. If I did not send them, I was at risk of being in contempt of court. All of these people who were able to go home and go to bed at night while I was getting asked questions like “Mommy, why does no one care enough about us to help us” or “Mommy, why does everyone act like what daddy did to us is ok” from my 8 year old.

Part 3 coming soon!