The City

If I told you who I actually was and that all these "stories" that were about to be told were real live home truths, you wouldn't believe me and you would most likely be about to hit the back button to find something more raunchy to fulfil your vocabulary appetite.

Truth is I am a nobody so to speak, I don't come from wealthy family, nor did I inherit any special talents to aid me through the horrors of adolescence. I come from a dead end town, went to a below average public school and like most of us I have had to work my ass off for fuck all, to get fuck noes where!

So here's one from my more cooked times...

You may be wondering if I am talking about my career as a Chef. Wrong! You could not be more wrong. The first time I was ever introduced to the wonderful & mystical world of illegal substances was quite a while ago , I would have roughly been around 5 or 6. Obviously I wasn't getting off my face at that age however my responsible, respected father was! I still get flash backs when I swell Wrigley's Spearmint Gum with a hint of weed. A family day outing usually meant "we're off to the beach"& consisted of my mum not attending as she worked as often as she could to escape my dad, my older sister & myself. My memory cuts out a lot from those days - but I vividly remember jumping in my dads old Hilux Ute & almost instantly being hit by a bong cloud, followed by those pesky headaches. This is no self help, pity me story. Its just a snippet that may make even the saddest of souls smile. Its just me falling off the bandwagon of topic again. My dad has been a chronic smoker from the age of 10 - imagine the smokers cough. I am getting off track I do that often, thanks to all the tremendous stress my brain has endured during many drug fuelled adventures.

From back then to now, scratch that lets go back a few...

Still a teenager I had uprooted my entire life ( which wasn't much), threw it all in a bag & jumped on the first flight out of here! This isn't like most stories that have the happy ending but I will say most of the time things did just "work out". I dived straight into life in my new City, this didn't fill the empty spaces of loneliness I had found. Due to this I was driven to what most millennials use to guide us through the awkwardness of meeting & maintaining relationships throughout our teenage & adult life. Social Media!

Yep Fuck up #1.

Another interesting fact to the "but why" some of you may have. Being hotboxed at the beach with my dad was one of the last memories I made with my dad before the selfish prick abandoned his family to chase the lifestyle of a fuckboy! ( EW. your like 50) In other words Daddy Issues ALERT!

Now what was I saying, lonely ,daddy issues, oh that's right Social Media. I turned to the aisles of bad choices & wrong decisions. I was that lonely I was striking up conversations with people I went to school with yet never actually had that much to do with. Majority of us have been there at one point, don't lie. One conversation led to another with another & before I knew it I was sucked in, sucked in just like how I used to suck my tummy in at the swimming carnival - (ughh) fucking hated those events! Well knock me on the head and call me a prowler, I was head over heels, smitten as a kitten, fanny flutters and all - that boy had got me!

I had 1 other boyfriend before this & I was 13 years old. So safe to say my experience was zilch! He saw me coming a mile away. We spoke everyday & every night. We spoke of everything from whips and chains to life and the reason why and all the in-between. Eventually these sweet worded conversations turned into him convincing me to jump back on a plane to be with him. And you guessed it I agreed! Idiot I know well I know now.

Walking off the plane through the airport, my hands were so sweaty!! I was excited & nervous & scared all at the same time. There he was with our mutual friend. As I approached he opened his arms and they swallowed me, there it was - The excitement & Thrill.

We walked back to the car and made irrelevant small talk, me still questioning what the actual fuck was I doing here.

I was greeted by my mates mum & her boyfriend - who were later arrested for murder. The good parts are coming...

I was starting to feel more at ease as we were accompanied by adults whom I thought were responsible. How innocent I actually was back then still surprises me. Showered with anything and all things shiny to a rebel teenager, I felt on top of the world! Little did I know how grungy the next week panned out.

Going for a shower was when I first started to realised I was in a world that I had never been before. It was filthy, I mean hadn't been cleaned - like ever! Dirty needles & spoons on the floor where they had been discarded. Empty pharmaceutical sheets alongside empty baggies, basically shit everywhere! I needed a fricken tetnis shot more than anything! Going to sleep was daunting as hell. There was 6 of us in a small room all on thin mattresses on the floor. That's right on top of all the dirt & grime. I didn't know where to look, 1 direction was old mates getting it on & the other was dried up pools of blood. Where is the guy I had travelled all this was to see - in the next room shooting up downers.

The picture I'm painting probably has you wondering what I was doing there, with those people. I saw what not everyone can see, I looked past the surface, ignored all the warning flags and saw someone that wanted to be saved! And there I was delivered by yours truly, willing & ready to fix I'll your problems & ignore all of mine. Over the years I have really mastered the art of enabling, Its a working progress I say.

As the days went by I was still blindly going along with whatever I was doing - which was not enabling but being taken advantage of & used...but hey it was fun. Whilst on one of many walks as that was our main way of transport - nothing beats a foot falcon, but maybe your fold falcon. Haha off track again! I was warned by old mates to be very careful and aware as I may get kidnapped by some people that I later found out were owed quite a bit of money. I think all of this was so foreign to me that I never took any of it as serious as I should - but did you die? NO! I fucking lived. I was actually starting to form friendships that I still have with a few of these people to this day.

A phone call, a confession & the pact of secrecy.

The granny flat that I had been staying at, the boys home was raided, News reporters flooded the front yard while investigators & forensics started the search. The house was taped off as a crime scene & we were moved to a location direct from the Police station. My mates mum & boyfriend were gone for hours, the boys I remembered rocked back and forth with faces so white you would think they had seen a ghost. I had so ay questions as you could imagine and was given (1) answer - Do Not Ask Questions!

Don't ask questions, this wild mind - never! I gently pressed the topic and with success. My heart sank, the dried blood stains were not from someone tripping over and stubbing their toe. It was taped off as a crime scene cause that's exactly what it was A Murder Scene. I felt so much for the boys whose home this heinous act happened which they witnessed.

Isn't bad timing a bitch!

There is a snippet, if you want to continue reading this memoir - TELL ME!