It’s Mine Now!

Well, Simon, here we are alone once again. No one is here to stop us from committing any type of mayhem we wish to. Yes, mayhem seems to be our middle name, doesn’t it? I remember when we were young and always getting scolded for being somewhere we weren’t supposed to be, or taking something that didn’t belong to us. There are so many tales we could tell.

There was the time Mr. Jackson from the corner store accused us of taking his shop keys. It was sooo much fun watching him and his wife scour their shop for over an hour looking for, “those damn keys I know that kid stole.” He was so sure we stole them he even called the police. I wish I had a camera available when the cops found his keys tucked safely away in his coat pocket, which was hanging in the back room.

His expression was priceless. The look was a mixture of frustration because I wasn’t the culprit that caused him all this grief, and befuddlement. After all, he had no idea how the keys had gotten there originally. The police laughed, making light of the situation, then instructed the shopkeeper to shake my hand and apologize. Naturally, I smiled and said some meaningless reassuring phrase, and walked out.

What Mr. Jackson and the police didn’t know was I stole the keys, unlocked the back door to the storage room, and helped myself to a few goodies. When I got what I wanted stashed away, I went back through the breakroom, dropped the keys in his coat pocket, and rejoined you at the front of the store. No one ever figured it out. That was our first caper together.

Since our first job, we have been a busy pair of thieves. Life has been good to us as we globe-hopped from country to country, becoming wealthier while meeting new and interesting people and ripping them off. There have been a few close calls, but we have always prevailed. Now, my friend, it’s time for a change.

Oh, no, we’re not giving up the clandestine world of the thief. I could never do that. We are merely adjusting our methods to fit our ages and lifestyles. What are we going to do? We are about to become famous authors. Are you attempting to laugh, or are you complaining? You know it’s something I’ve always wanted to do, so why not start today?

Yes, I know you’ve seen some of my scribblings in the past, and ‘not impressed’ is more than an understatement, and I agree. I admit I’m not Mark Twain or even Steven King, but I have no intention of doing the actual writing. That is much too time-consuming. We are going to write the way we have done everything in our lives—we are going to steal people’s stories. How is this possible? Let me explain.

I recently found a website called Vocal. It is overflowing with talented authors vying for a coveted Top Story or a contest win. The beauty of this plan is I can be a hit in any genre. Just for some examples, I could steal from JBez, Lamar Wiggins, Dana Crandell, Mike Singleton, and occasionally Mother Combs and Celia in Underland if I’m looking for mystery or thriller. If I want to claim to have written a sci-fi or fantasy, my choices would go again to Celia in Underland and Donna Fox. Music reviews are Kendel Defoe’s preview. For informative and fun writing, there is Donna Renee and Jay Kantor. My first choice in the poetry category has to be Pernoste and Dahl. Should my fancy shift to the Middle Ages, Matthew Fromm is my obvious target. Dharrsheene is my #1 for dark and macabre. There is so much opportunity and not nearly enough time to mention everyone, let alone plagiarize their work.

My first target is Tina D’Angelo. Her bawdy stories involving tawdry affairs and murder will surely catch the reader’s attention. Besides, representing us as a female author may confuse anyone attempting to track us down.

So, what do you say, Simon? Are you ready to join me in this new venture? I’ll take your content purring as a yes!

(I wrote this in response to a comment from Tina D'Angelo about one of her stories being copied and posted on Vocal under someone else's name.)