Fragile Contents of The Brown Paper Box

The strong wind whistled, making the rainfall seem more heavier than it really was. Lines of lightning traced the night, cloudy sky but offered no advantages of seeing where we were actually being led. The only thing I could see was the girl in front of me but I knew she was just as lost and scared as I was. The creepy man ahead of us only spat out orders in a booming voice that could grab the attention of a crowded room. My feet were killing me as I stepped on pebbles and other hidden things beneath the shallow water we walked through. I couldn’t pace myself because all of us were shackled at the waist by a chain, myself and four other girls. The clinking of the chains kept me focused. Quick images of thin trees whipping in the wind, settled on a muddy slope flashed in and out of view. My mom was the only person not in chains but was being dragged by our captor. I trembled in fear, afraid of not escaping, afraid of not seeing my mom again. After treading through the woods barefoot for what seemed like hours we had finally reached a cabin. A burnt smell filled the atmosphere, unfamiliar to my nostrils. We were greeted by warmth but not comfort. Everyone of us groaned from the pain of our blister ridden feet and lack of energy from all of the walking. “ Let them go you bastard!” My mom screamed out squirming. The lighting was dim but I was able to see everything around me. He punched my mom in the face, immediately knocking her unconscious. I whimpered, not liking what I’d just witnessed. He then carried her limp body up the wooden staircase. “ Ms. Robinson, come back to me.” Anita spoke in her thick british accent. I opened my eyes, not quite satisfied with the outcome. “ I was almost there, why do you wake me up at the most important times!” I snapped, slightly raising my voice. Anita, my psycho therapist jotted something down in the notebook residing in her hand. “ What now?” I questioned, folding my arms and blowing out an exasperated breath. “ I apologize that it couldn’t be longer, Ms. Robinson but I have another patient. We can continue our normal routine next week.” She explained with patience but in a matter-of-fact tone. “ Okay. I’m sorry… It’s just, I’m always so close but never seem to get there.” I explain my frustrations that I didn’t intend to direct toward her. “ It’s okay, dear. I understand.” She said with an empathetic smile owning her face. She handed me a paper as usual with the date of the appointment. We say our goodbyes and I head home. Disinterested in the world around me, only worried about how next week’s appointment could possibly be different from all the other failed ones, I let my mind wonder but I was pulled back into the present as a car had come to a loud screeching sound, stopping to avoid hitting me. I could see the person behind the wheel yelling and shaking his fist in the air, I’m sure calling me every name except the one my mom gave me. I took mental note to watch my surrounding from that point on. I wanted, no I needed something to keep my mind from always traveling back to dark places 24/7. As I walked down the downtown busy street of Milwaukee, I decided to stop at a frozen custard shop. It was my favorite place to go whenever I needed to calm my mind which was almost all the time. I was a regular, all the employees knew me by first name and knew what I wanted each time I walked through the chiming glass doors. Except today, this guy was different. He stood tall, with mystery behind his eyes, all the more alluring; make you want to find out the secrets he’s holding. “ Hi, welcome to Daniel’s frozen custard. My name is Lenny. How may I help you?” He smoothly asked with tall confidence. I would have never guessed he would say Lenny. He looked more like a Frank or a George. “ I’ll have the banana split volcano with extra fudge and extra whip cream.” I said with anticipation laced within every word. He walked away to place the order. “ It’s on the house, Michelle.” Doug said from behind the counter. After stuffing my face, I left fulfilled. Stepping inside the house stole my energy. I strip out of all my outside clothes, leaving it all at the door. I immediately take a much needed hot shower. The water beat against my skin, relieving the stresses of the day but still invited endless memories of my past that had a grip on me. Night fell as I turned from channel to channel. I attempted to watch movies until I fell asleep but was unlucky with that. I had given up and turned the tv off. Throughout the night, I tossed and turned before sleep had finally taken over. The familiar smell of fresh fish grabbed my senses as the sound of streaming water was the only thing that could be heard. I sat on a large boulder near the water as I watched Connor reel in a large Bluegill fish. “ Now that’s what you call a real fish.” He boasted as he unhooked it. I shivered at his decaying smile. He made me wear nothing but one of his flanneled shirts with no shoes and no undergarments. My hair was tied into a neat back ponytail while cherry red lipstick sat on my lips. He would always be in my dream and his smile would be up front and center but I could never make out the features of his face. Back inside the house, after everyone ate and did chores, Connor would choose one of us to dance with to some jazz music from his collection that he only touched when he was drunk. Waaaake uuuup… Waaaake uuuup… It’s tiiiime tooooo get your day started, Michelllllle! I quickly rolled out of bed, crashing to the floor with a loud thud, startled by the obnoxious sound that I decided would be a good idea to record myself while drunk to wake me up everyday. I reached toward the nightstand, slamming my hand onto the cell phone to relieve my ears of the annoying sound. After doing my daily morning routine in the bathroom, I decided to go for a walk to clear my mind. I had decided two days prior that I wanted to find a job to occupy my time being that I never had to work nor ever wanted to until I realized one day that when I was busy, there was no room for thoughts of my past to haunt me, aside from the fact that Anita had suggested that I try staying busy. I knew downtown was the main area that was always hiring, so that was my main target. I wandered the area until I bumped into Lenny, causing him to drop his latte and single papers. “ I’m so, so sorry about that.” I apologized, bending with urgency to collect the scattered papers. He said it was okay but I knew better. “ I can get you another latte, Lenny.” I more so stated rather than asking. We waltzed into the mini starbucks immediately finding an empty table near the window at the back of the shop. “ So, where was you in a hurry to that made you bump right into me?” Lenny asked with amusement in his eyes. His eyes sparkled but hid a darkness behind them that sent shivers down my spine. “ I was actually looking for a job.” I answered, straight to the point. “ You from around here?” He asked, trying to start small talk. “ I am. Born and raised.” I said proudly. “ What kind of job are you looking for and what experience do you have?” He asked all at once. I lost my wording for a quick moment, slightly nervous, feeling as if I was on an interview all of a sudden. “ I- I’m willing to give any job a try and I don’t have any work experience.” I admitted the last part in almost a whisper. I never felt embarrassed to not have worked until that moment. “ It’s a good thing you bumped into me afterall, huh. I was just about to place these last posters up.” He mentioned as he handed me a piece of paper that read ‘Help Wanted’ in bold letters with a broom and dustpan settled beneath it. There was also a number next to the name Pat. “ Just give her a call anytime if you’re interested.” Lenny said as I studied the paper. “ Do you know her? Is she nice?” I asked in one breath, wanting an idea of how my possible employer might be. “ She’s nice… Strict but very caring.” He assured with sincerity registered in his eyes. We chatted a little while longer before we said our goodbyes and parted ways. Back in the comfort of home, I took my meds to calm down before dialing Pat’s number. “ Hello.” The soft, muffled voice echoed on the other end after three rings. A moment of silence passed before I spoke. “ Hi, Pat. My name is Michelle and I saw that you needed help with cleaning and I’m interested.” The conversation lasted five minutes as she explained all the things that needed to be done. There was no interview that needed to be conducted, it was almost like she had expected my call. I was set to meet her the following day at her cabin, several miles off of highway I-95. I wasn’t sure how I’d get there everyday being that I had a fear of driving as of two years ago after being in a car crash. The following day, I arrived earlier than the agreed time. An elder lady, looking to be no older than her late sixties or early seventies welcomed me. She wore a white shirt with a large sunflower in the middle paired with dark blue jeans. “ You’re early darling but that’s fine, we can get started right away. Just have a seat over there and I’ll be right back.” She said while pointing at the brown corduroy couch that sat near the fireplace. Something about the place seemed so familiar, I just couldn’t place it. “ Are you a coffee drinker or tea drinker?” Pat asked. “ Oh, thank you but I don’t drink neither one.” I answered. She smiled before disappearing behind the wooden double doors. She returned moments later with a paper in her hand. I thought I’d have to sign it but instead she read from it, telling me about the place and about my responsibilities. I started the same day. My uniform was the standard black and white, unattractive dress. She handed it to me and I wore the shoes I showed up in. The cabin was so full of life, rich in the carefully picked vibrant colors that made it so picture perfect. The atmosphere was calming, warm, and welcoming. The beautiful surrounding wood was polished and seemingly freshly dusted. Pat toured me around the house. As I walked up the staircase, images of the one from my memories flashed before my eyes. There were three rooms upstairs and two downstairs. There were two bathrooms and an out-house toilet. The kitchen had an old western setting. After cleaning, I changed back into my regular clothes and said my see you later before walking out the door. Outside on the porch, laid a brown paper box with no information from the sender and none for the recipient. I curiously stared at it before deciding to pick it up and take it into the cabin, handing it over to Pat. “ Thank you dear.” She said in the sweetest tone. “ I found it sitting outside the door on the front porch. I figured you wouldn’t want it sitting out all night.” I explained. I then left, wanting to get home to take a shower. I wondered, who would send a box without a return address. A week passed by quickly and before I knew it, I was up for another session with my therapist. I sat in the cushioned chair in the lobby looking through an Essence magazine. The receptionist spoke from behind the glass window between us, letting me know that Anita was ready to see me. I walked into the room, meeting a pleasant Anita. “ Hello, Michelle. How was your week?” Anita asked with a smile plastered on her face. “ It was great, actually.” I honestly answered. “ I started working to keep busy as you suggested before.” I continued. I made myself comfortable by laying on the lub seat that we normally used. Anita glanced through the papers in her hands before we started. “ That’s great, what do you do at your new job?” Anita asked as she rolled her office chair near me. “ I’m a maid or housekeeper, whichever you prefer to call me. I clean Monday through Friday.” I explained in a nonchalant tone. “ Oh, okay. Has it been helping at all?” She probed. I sat quietly for a second or two before answering as I thought back. “ Yeah, it have. I still get some thoughts because I work at a cabin and it reminds me of things but, I feel welcome.” I answered. The truth is, I liked it there because it reminded me of that dreadful day but not in a way that angered me; in a way that brought familiarity of the last time I’d seen and spoke to my mom. “ Oh, I see. How did you hear about this job, Michelle?” She asked. “ I met a guy at you know, my favorite spot… Daniel’s frozen Custard.” I admitted. “ He told me that Pat was hiring. He gave me her info and I used it. I needed the distraction.” I finished. She wrote a few things on paper. “ Okay. I want you to relax yourself.” She said, shifting to that professional demeanor, and leaving the everyday friend one behind. “ I need a sedative, Anita. I won’t be able to relax without it.” I complained. “ I will give you a muscle relaxer and not a sedative.” She subtly corrected me. “ Same difference.” I croaked back while rolling my eyes. As the muscle relaxer kicked in I could feel my entire body begin to relax. Anita obviously could tell as well. “ Okay, Michelle. I want you to follow my voice. Think about that dark place where everything is just an arm length away. Let yourself feel how you felt that day that keeps replaying in your head. Try not to let anything slip through your fingers, grab onto the time, grab on to every detail that you can. Walk deeper, taste, breathe, and listen.” Her voice faded as the loud sound of water took over. Tree branches were being carried by the flowing water. The familiar smell of burning wood played at my nostrils. Muffled screams telling me to run carried in the wind. I was sweating although it was cold outside. I was filled with panic, feeling my heart rate rise and fall as I worked hard to steady my breaths as my mom taught me whenever I was having a panic attack. “ I love you, Michelle.” I could hear my mom’s voice say aloud as if she was right beside me. I was suddenly in the river with Connor’s hand around my throat. My arms flailed as I kicked my legs, struggling to take as many breaths as I could before Connor would forcefully submerge my head beneath the water again. I could feel him being tugged away which made him grab me tighter. Suddenly I opened my eyes to Anita standing over me. Tears instantly filled my eyes as I tried to close them again to go back. “ Michelle, I’m sorry for interrupting but you were screaming. It’s going to be okay.” She said as she reached to hug me. I cried into her shoulder, not quite ready to end the session. We sat for a little while as I explained what had occurred while I was in a trance. I left there feeling more lost than I’d felt before stepping through the doors. I headed to work, it was the only logical thing I could do. Pat kept a key under the welcome mat that sat outside the front door that I used to let myself in. The same paper brown box that I’d given to her days ago was sitting on the couch near the fireplace. I sat on the opposite side of the couch filled with more curiosity than before. Pat then walked from the kitchen with a cup of coffee in her hand. “ Is everything okay, Michelle?” She asked with concern laced in her voice. I nodded my head, no. She stared at me as my eyes looked back and forth between her and the unopened box. A smile played at her lips. “ Do you want to look inside, Michelle?” She asked, completely surprising me. “ Uh, no, no… Sorry for staring. It was rude.” I denied with an apology. “ It wasn’t rude. It’s yours sweetheart. You can open it.” She insisted. I stared in disbelief. Without Pat moving, the paper brown box was closer to me, in fact it was right beside me as Pat occupied the spot on the couch that it was on before. “ Go ahead, Michelle. You’ll never know until you know.” She said. I felt like her words had a deeper meaning than the surface would let be explored. I stared at the box, picking it up and examining it. It was very light as if there was nothing inside. It pique my interest as to why would there be a box sent to my place of work, for me? The only three people besides myself that knew I worked was Anita, Lenny, and Pat. The paper brown box, thin and rectangular in shape. Wrapped in nothing and easy to open. I stared, thinking of what could be in the lightweight box. It didn’t take long before I had given in to temptation. I ripped the top half off, not carefully but rushed and intentional. There were photos of things that only I knew about my life, things that only I experienced, things that no one else knew about. There were pictures of the cabin that I worked in but it looked a little different. There were pictures of me as a kid with four other girls. There were pictures of us chained, pictures of a man. “ Oh. My. God.” I gasped as I read the back of the picture that read Connor. He stood tall, wearing a flanneled black and white long sleeve shirt. His hair was salt and pepper, laying on his head slick. His deep brown eyes had an emptiness in them as he stared at the camera. Although it was dark, I noticed there was no flash from the camera. He wasn’t easy on the eyes at all, looking as if he held a forever frown. His face was cleanly shaven, no traces of a growing beard. His pointed nose flared as if the air wreaked. He had smoker lines and crows feet contouring his face. His chin was long and pointed, giving a clear view of his sharp, defined jawline. Photos of the terror on my mom’s face, photos of the cabin up and down stairs, photos of me screaming as my mom pushed me to run. I started getting dizzy as tears began blurring my vision while looking at the photos. I stood to my feet, dropping each photo to the suddenly creaking floor. All of them landed face side up, revealing each and every detail of that day; details I remembered and some that had been forgotten but became as clear as day once I looked at the pictures. I looked up to see Pat. She had become far away. “ Do you remember now?” She said in a silvery voice. I started to hyperventilate. “ Take slow, deep breaths. Inhale through your nose and exhale out of your mouth.” She instructed the same directions my mom had given me long ago. I listened, inhaling then exhaling until everything started becoming clear again. Pat was no longer in my presence and the house began to appear differently through my eyes. The cabin’s vibrant color turned bleak, depressing. The colors were dull and full of dust as if I’d never cleaned the house before. I looked down at my clothes only to see that I was wearing my regular clothes instead of a uniform. Spider webs clung to almost every corner of the place. The place was littered with trash coving almost every inch of the floors. Graffiti ravished the walls, countertops, and pictures. I walked toward the fire place with my eyes trained on one photo in particular. Pat stood next to an older guy, assuming him to be her husband while Lenny stood at the end with a smile on his face. They wore clothes of the old time, like they would on the tv show of Marshall Dillon; the cowboy days. Their background consisted of the very cabin I stood in, when the grass was much greener. They looked like a happy family. I turned around, hearing the floor creak. Nothing was there, not even the paper brown box that I had just opened. I sat on the floor feeling as if the rug had been snatched from beneath me. I sat there with my knees to my chest and my face buried in my hands for a while until I could get myself together. I didn’t want to accept what was so clearly in front of my eyes. I caught the bus to Daniel’s Frozen Custard to look for Lenny. I briskly entered the shop loudly asking for Lenny when I made it to the counter. “ Is Lenny hear? Where’s Lenny at, Carmen?” I asked the girl that usually worked the weekends. “ Lenny?” She questioned, furrowing her eyebrows. “ Yeah, Lenny! He was here last week when I came here. We sat at that table… He just started working here not too long ago.” I explained, hoping that she would remember. “ There’s nobody by the name of Lenny who works here?” She said in a confused tone. I stormed out, running home without stopping. I stayed there all week, contemplating on what I should say to my therapist. Wednesday morning snuck up faster than expected. I sat in the lobby, awaiting to be called as I adjusted my already neat clothing. Anita warmly welcomed me as usual. I sat on the lub seat as she sat in her chair that was already pulled into place being that thirty minutes before my appointment, she had another patient. We did the small talk before she instructed me to lay down. I did as she said. “You know, we don’t have to do this. I remember everything.” I informed her. A surprised expression traced her face. I then explained everything that transpired and how my job played a role. She stayed quiet, intently listening and writing word for word. The same day, I lead a search party to the cabin where they searched. They found human remains, the old chains, and clothes. They found everything except, Connor there. He was found two weeks later, teaching at an all girls school. Everyday I am thankful and now I know that there is always a deeper meaning to things that seem as though they don’t make sense on the surface. Look deeper. Seek understanding and find your peace.