Divide and Conquer

Never in a million eons would I think I would be writing about what I am writing about, nor did I ever in a million decades thought I would be writing in in the location and circumstances, my current life is in. As so many say though, it is what it is, only thing is, I don't know what it is. I have ideas and assumptions, but I won't claim to know what it is when, people say, it is what it is, if I don't know what it is.

Before you click away due to that paragraph having tons of fluff and boredom. After all what you read that has I statements are based on true events. It has twists and turns that my creative brain couldn't even come up with, or else I would of been a freelancer long ago. What I am beginning to talk about is interesting, wouldn't you want to know why or how a girl born in a town of 2700 people, got to the point where people you never thought would know you exist, well do.

How? I actually ask myself that still, its still all very blurry and unknown things that I don't do well with, considering all the factors, lack of everything, time, effort, ect... ect...

I hope to write my journey as its been, for me and what I have experienced, because it's nothing like some half breads I had to disown and as the saga continues, you will understand why.

This I know for sure, the world as I know it now is a dark, cruel one and enjoys watching me, and others waste away, while rubbing in our face something that they took me from when a time of someone who had some common sense should of been there.

Instead of thinking about where certain people actually are suppose to be, they act like it's a. " Whatever you like" situation, is not where I am, when sure, maybe it is, but not for me. Why take me from my families residence, from a place I was actually ready for the next phase of, only to put on the face, (where I was just taken from I asked them to protect me from this exact bullshit, but if someone wants to they will and when they don't, they won't, period. Anyways this face is put on and I'm suppose to suffer through, something I already have multiple times, the only purpose in this world as of now from who they are trying to get me to see (my father) is me, but enjoys having me see that it will cater to a fraud, to the one who harasses me often, threaten my life ect ect...to anyone and everyone in the ways I need, but me. From different states to different sides of town now apparently, someone will pull me backwards, put on a face that will try to remind me of someone, but their actions clearly prove not my father. Then divide me from my one outlet, as if they are trying to get me to kill myself like they told me to in summer 2020 just in a more subliminal way, but obvious when you speak subliminally or have common sense to be honest.

I get treated as if my happiness doesn't matter, even though the wrong ones have the means to go to the places that has been shown, anyone can be at,(even me) especially me, the one who brought this all to life, but I am not able to, this was all brought on by accident. I made a call in October 2016, from an institution that was trying to change who I was as a person, I had a melt down for goodness sake, not a psychotic break! Well that phone call made with nothing but good intentions from me, bad intention on the other end, ended up getting me out of the institution, but ruining my life. I didn't belong in that place, nor did I deserve to be there,(kinda like here) I do know my own life and could of gotten away with shooting the piece of shit that threaten my life more than once and doesn't belong on my fathers property, I'm not a killer and that melt down showed that, and I am ok with that, actually.

Any longer at that institution and I may of had crazy eyes and no one wants that. (well I don't) well that call got me out of the institution I got transferred to, I could of waited in the first one until the truth prevailed, but not the one I was dragged to, it was embarrassing, as well as the person who would come there was. Therefore I called who I was shown in the first institution was an option, my father.

Well it did get me out of that place on October 17th 2016, but that was not who I was shown only 3 weeks prior, nor was it someone I didn't even want to be around and it wasn't my father, but it looked like him enough to get my acting on and get ME the fuck out of that place.

What follows, well lets just say if I could have seen the pain the last 5 years has caused the wrong people, and only seems to help the ones that truly don't deserve it, I would have pulled the trigger in self defense that day, Sept 4th 2016. After all, I am not with anyone I didn't pull that trigger for, only with all of the behaviors on how it even came to that!

Too many lives have been affected and of course my angel with the lighter leash is dead, my every day friend that helped me not have to think of things I have no control over. The truth (whatever it is) no on will tell me, but where I got dragged to, there nothing to do but think about things that are out of my control, things about my father, maybe heaven sent things and things that trust me, no one wants me thinking about, but my ride or die sisters for 13 years, well the sister I was everyday friends with, who made it seem like life was able to move on and I didn't need or even wanted to look behind, now I won't meet anyone new, it will just be this ex who is a loser loser as a different person who will be temporary with bad intentions I'm sure. I am done with temporary people, after seeing these weird chicks intentions ever since my type of person life was taken, I will not meet anyone new, it will just be the same old thing looking different, male female, it doesn't even matter.

My friend and myself had a pact that was never suppose to happen and I would of never expected her to take her life if I took mine first, we just knew we clicked so well that living without each other really, truly sucks. Well we made it through so many things, clearly just words we were speaking, since neither one of us expected to die. However, in August 2016, my life was threaten and who knows, whoever thinks its OK to approach anyone like that, let alone someone they are trying to be a father to, well lets just say, Whaaaaaaat?? Imagine this organized criminals hear what we are saying, has no idea where or how the person that died in Jan. 2017 got into my life or why she was in my life, thought, OK what if this is my chance to get rid of who he threaten (ME) as well as the witness to everything, things some people still don't think I know. Well the ones desperate to replace someone to another that doesn't even exist in reality as that person, they chose wrong again, but still to kill when they weren't shot at seems iffy to me. This puppet of someone with fingers sometimes, but reality she's missing quite a few fingers, believed I was that weak, and would kill myself after my friend did, she (whoever she and he are) thought kill the witness, the one that can make the persons life we are trying to conquer and the one who makes her smile all just go away, she or they must have thought kill 2 birds with one stone right? That should solve everything we never should of done in the first place but still wont stop doing. Why should I have to deal with the consequences of those people who do not have common sense, period. After all, family doesn't do anything that this journey I will take you through, over time, until my PTSD is triggered on purpose the moment I show any progress, its just backwards again, just know if I stop telling my journey, I didn't stop, I was stopped and may need help, if you know me and are reading this.

I will end this segment with this

Word to the wise, if your struggling in any way, and the people around you just watch you struggle and maybe enjoy it, make you struggle more and can't even have a genuine conversation to help you out of the dark space in your brain that needs consistency and relaxing, you need to leave when you can, they are not your people. Just go, because if they will watch you enter a pattern of someone they claimed died, RUN! That's my current situation, always a situation, wonder why??

Sadly during my, no lie... darkest days to date, I ended up in a situation that I never thought ever would turn out like it has. After taking away my room at my fathers, they go out of their way, to rub in my face, what they organized. What simple minds don't even think I know, I do notice whats happening, after years and I mean at least 5-12 years of the same pattern and the same result no matter what I do, who wouldn't notice, at this point if one cannot see what they are doing after doing it for many years, that's crazy to me. I will always be a step ahead of the people who have been doing this since 2008 and have divided and conquered, I heard again yesterday, I have been divided from the people who have common sense, instead of acting stupid and ignorant.







This person I am currently being forced t0o be around sadly is a danger to society indeed, when you say something and your brain suddenly believes it, like they don't have that voice in the back of their minds that knows they are lying, nope, delusional people say things and to them that how it is, try to challenge them and it will only wear you out. It's these kind of people who decide to negatively effect others lives for literally no reason, that has made me stop believing in many things, after my friend, my angel, and the person I thought we could partner up and do this thing called life, is showing me he sucks, but also wont lift the wall between me and my everyday. You know those ones who always are in your corner, no sneaky dumb drama shit, just that one who has your back no matter what, every single person I have had like this has been divided from me and their lack of effort and care shows we may have been conquered, that's all i see recently and nothing changes, I got taken from her bed, only because someone trying to replace her to the boyfriend she had at the time, wanna play games, since they treat me like I ain't shit and now I have the same thought process before, lets just say those 2 or more deserve each other, but my herissness, is no longer available and some are showing it. Well he dragged me back into it, (because the money is needed that I come with, but cant even let me be me) when you take away someones will to live, that means you cannot leech a penny off them ever again in any legal way, there is no he said she said, there is no consent, its straight stealing. exploiting and a little hostage like, when you keep someone from their own life who has earned every dime and everything that isn't money, and would CHOOSE to be around the ones who at least share my own exploiting with me. I'm way aware and thats really all, they could of at least got in the will to live, instead they like to how does it feel 23 years after something. I made it clear what I wanted, with any hope, karma, anything, since he dragged me back, devalued me and more, maybe I will once again believe in one of 2 things, the justice system, or kind people, people of principle who wont stand for what these same people have done many times, when all I called on was a mutual. undying and unconditional love, that lets me be me.

To be Continued.

P>S all above 6ft, I'm all set on you, because I know where I am and you should of already been here.... and were so mad at me for living with someone who was there for me when your hateful ass wasn't, you allowed that ape thing to mess up my mental health, this is the second time for my mental health and its not my choice to be here, but it is everyone the same in here to do what they do...