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Dear Officer,

Where were you?

By Aria Amanda KreuzPublished 3 years ago 16 min read
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Dear Officer,
Photo by R.D. Smith on Unsplash

Dear Officer,

I met your family recently. They all speak very highly of you. But what I want to know is, where were you?

You spent decades serving as an officer of the law but I only met you once, why is that? Where were you? I met you in the middle of the night. I was naked, you brought me out a t-shirt to wear.

There was an active shooter in the alley of our house so we fled in the middle of the night to your house. I suppose the fact that you were a police officer made my mom think your house would be a safe option.

Why is that the only time I met you? Why was your daughter not capable of knowing that she had a naked 1st or 2nd grader in the car? Why was I even naked? We'll get back to that, but that reminds me....

Where were you?

When your daughter got pregnant at 14, why did you choose to leave your family? Not only did you leave your family, you literally adopted a new family. Why is that? Was your real family not good enough for you?

Speaking of real family, I found your family online through genealogy work I've gotten into. We share the same DNA but I don't know who they are and they don't know who I am; one even going so far as to say it's like my siblings and I didn't exist. He had no idea how right he was.

You would be proud to know they are just as rejecting of us as you were.

The thing is, we did exist. We still exist.

Actually, I met you one other time. I almost blocked it from my memory. I took my mom to see you in the hospital before you died. I'm sure you didn't know who I was, heck my mom didn't even know who I was, I just somehow ended up having to be the one to take her to see you.

You didn't speak to me or even ask who I was, you just kept looking over at me with evil in your eyes. Luckily I'm protected by the light so you were not able to lash out any harsh words directed at me.

Mom mentioned something about your other two children and you said you didn't "give a rat's ass" and clearly, you did not. We all got the memo. You were loud and clear about that, but why?

It's not like you took off to live in seclusion because you just couldn't handle family responsibilities, you literally took on a new family. It makes no sense, why? Did you need someone else to abuse? Did you abuse them like you did your first family? I heard stories of you beating your first son. They seem to be doing well in life though, your adopted children that is. I just don't know why you couldn't make that same effort with us to help ensure we had a chance in life.

We just wanted a chance. Most people take interest in their children and grandchildren and make an effort to ensure they have a successful and fulfilling life especially when they themselves are enjoying a successful and fulfilling life. But you guys outcasted us and that soaked through to all areas of our lives nearly crippling ALL of my siblings and myself. The rejection and abuse and horrific nature of it all are all burned into our souls and it never ever leaves.

Something about your own flesh and blood rejecting you makes the world reject you as well.

I went to your funeral. I'm not really sure why I went to be honest with you. I found it very interesting how there was nothing but good to be said about you. You served the public for decades as an officer of the law but you could not be there for your own family. Why is that? You still had a relationship with our mom, your daughter. Why not her children? Heck, they almost had me convinced that you were a good person.

Let's go back, back to when your 14-year-old daughter started giving birth to her five children, 1974. Let me say that again, five children. If you guys hated so much that your daughter had a baby at 14 perhaps you all should have made a concerted effort to prevent four more from being born, I don't know just a thought. Don't worry I take accountability for my own existence because none of you ever did.

Apparently stepping away was what was best for everyone and not one single person on earth was concerned about what was best for five children who were brought into the world under terrible circumstances. Even when CPS would show up to try to help they would be intercepted by grandmother in the driveway preventing them from helping us. God forbid she be publicly humiliated by her hateful abusive family of which she was the worst offender.

Why was your daughter so evil? Where did she get that from? Was it you? Was it grandmother? What am I missing? I've convinced myself that early on she slipped into a different reality, the only kind she was able to survive in so I don't hold any anger. She once said to her sister (your youngest daughter) AND my sister (her own child) do y'all remember when I had those five imaginary kids. Clearly she was not tapped into this reality.

Your daughter created five human beings then systematically destroyed them all. Where were you when this was happening? It had to have come from somewhere, I don't know maybe people really can be born rotten. That's the only bad thing grandmother ever said about you by the way. It was actually in reference to her children being rotten like their father. They are in fact rotten but I know you can't take full credit for that.

Grandmother may be the only human being that shares our DNA that allowed us to be in her presence but I blame her the most. So, don't think I don't know it was both of you. Also, our father's side of the family was just as terrible as you guys with one slight exception. You knew that though, you hated the slug that got your daughter pregnant.

Your kids aren't just rotten, they are full-blown evil. Mom's gone now, MS gave her an out of ever taking responsibility for her choices and actions. Your other two children swindled grandmother out of everything her father left ensuring that none of us could ever have anything from "their" family. People that aren't even DNA related are enjoying the fruits of the labor our ancestors meant for all of us. Most of them are only related by marriage. Everyone and their children and their children have and will benefit from what our great grandfather left behind except for us five children specifically. Our final f you from that side of the family.

So, you weren't the only one that treated us worse than trash. You weren't the only one who rejected us. You weren't the only one putting us in whatever corner they could find where we were to shut the f up or get our faces beat in.

1975, your mom passed away. Where were you? Had your choices been too much for her to bear? The weight of the world on her shoulders from the shame of your choices. She was only 57. Grandmother's mom passed away at just 60 the year before, 1974. Did you guys literally kill your mothers with your bs? You're shown as the father of the child you adopted that same year.

You couldn't clean up your own mess but you went to clean up the mess of another woman? Why? But what does that really mean? You were already having an affair before your 14-year-old daughter got pregnant and that isn't what broke your family up, you were? You and grandmother were still verifiably together at the time.

Through genealogy work, I can tell that you guys moved when my mom got pregnant, presumably to escape the embarrassment of it all. You guys were glorified in an article as this perfect family, everyone's age included except for mom's since she was off stationed with her husband but was still a child.

Shortly after you guys are back in the tiny town where our nightmare began.

1978, your youngest daughter, the last one left when you abandoned your family is aged 15. She gets raped by an intruder that came in to get my sister. Your daughter and your toddler and infant granddaughters were literally raped by a murderer squatting in a shack in the woods behind grandmothers.

What your daughter didn't know was that this wasn't the first time he was there. It happened to my sister and I repeatedly. My sister got the worst of it because she can remember the most. Me, I have permanent internal damage and irreparable psychological torture. My sister can't drink enough alcohol to get my screams out of the corners of her soul echoing to her brain with no way to let it go but I'm letting you go. I'm releasing us from you.

Maybe my aunt did know, it seems like we were probably dumped with her quite often in that house of horrors because she was the only kid left around. She was the youngest of your children, our mom's sister. I'll never know, she is just as rotten as you and is incapable of actually caring for another human being. Our mother certainly wasn't around.

Where were you? You had to have known about the rape. You were an officer and it was in YOUR jurisdiction and it was YOUR daughter. You let your daughter get raped and then you in short order are in cahoots with grandmother to sweep it under the rug because after all, you guys didn't need the embarrassment.

Because that's what is so important right? Forget your daughter who got raped by a murderer. Your images and your careers were more important to you than your own child. A human being. You swore to uphold the law and you did the worst thing a police officer could do to their own child. If he hadn't been arrested pretty quickly for the confirmed murder he committed he would have killed your daughter and we would have been viciously raped and tortured for who knows how long.

Or even worse, did you cause the abuse that happened to us? Did you know about it? Is that why it happened to us? You were a cop, grandmother was a news reporter, did he target us because she was writing about the rapes happening in town, or did he target us because you were a cop? You knew he was the suspect in the murder of another young girl. Why would you cover up that he raped your daughter? Things don't add up but you probably thought you'd never be questioned about it.

Early 80's, where were you?

Where were you when your five grandchildren that lived less than 2 miles from you were abandoned and starving? You got to eat food every day, your adopted children got to eat food every day. Your son who lived on the same driveway as we did got to eat food every day. Grandmother who lived next door to us got to eat food every day. Grandmother's family on her mother's side that lived on the same property got to eat food every day. Everyone in our great granddaddy's side of the family that lived on the same property as where we were dumped and isolated got to eat food but not us.

Nope, not us, everyone was good enough to have food but not us.

It's not like we were living in a community drenched in poverty. We were living on a huge chunk of land, set aside in a house of a relative that died left to fend for ourselves while our wealthy families in all directions lived on the same property or within 30 miles of us.

Let me guess you couldn't possibly have heard of a string of break-ins happening in YOUR jurisdiction where food was the main item being taken. It never once occurred to you that your mentally challenged self-centered daughter who hasn't been seen in God knows how long might have abandoned her kids and now they're robbing houses for food to survive? Who else in that teeny tiny town would be robbing houses for food? It was not a highly-populated area nor was it a high-crime area. It's not like we lived in New York or Chicago where we could get lost in the crowd easily.

We were intentionally cast aside and starved and it still shatters my soul. Why did no one ever care how we were doing? Why did no one ever check on us?

Our Great-Granddaddy knew we took food from his house, he was the only one who never punished us for it. He knew what was happening, he was just too old by that point to be able to help us anymore. He did all he could do with the disaster that you and grandmother and your children dumped on him.

Who punishes children for stealing food from their house but never wonders why they would be stealing food? That actually has left more psychological damage than getting raped by a murderer in the woods as a baby believe it or not. It takes an immense amount of evil for dozens of people to intentionally and knowingly let children get starved, sexually abused, beaten, heads shaved, isolated, and abandoned.

This was YOUR family, WHERE WERE YOU, officer?

Did you think grandmother was taking care of things? Yeah, because that worked out so well for you and your children, right? Maybe you're the one that made her that way but I blame her the most. She has never and will never take any responsibility but neither did you. I have never been treated worse by any other human being on earth than I have by that woman. She has this mythical sort of unblemished record in life just like the rest of you. But why? Was all of your hate so strong for 5 tiny children that you just turned into monsters to us specifically or were you already monsters?

You didn't seem like monsters in the eyes of anyone else. There are a few who know but not many, you guys were good at hiding it. By all appearances, you guys were all privileged, taken care of, supported and loved; why did it stop with us? It didn't stop with us it skipped over and eliminated us completely. How can anyone hate innocent children so much? How can anyone be alive and not care about their children or grandchildren?

When mom died members of your family said asinine stuff like "cherish the memories". What planet have they been living on? You guys ALL had a relationship with our mom but you did not have one with us. What is the reason for that? Where were you? Where were all of you? Did you ever even ask my mother where her 5 children were when you'd see her?

Did anyone even ask where the 5 children were when EVERYONE on all sides of the family went to family reunions? I remember going to one but mostly there are just pictures of EVERYONE on all sides of our family EVERYWHERE at family reunions EXCEPT FOR US FIVE KIDS! Grandmother actually looked my brother in the face once and said she just came back from a family reunion as if he wasn't her family. She hates us worse than you did. Thank you for leaving us with her wrath that should have been spewed onto you, not us.

What memories was I supposed to cherish? The beatings? The starvation? The abandonment? The head shavings? Getting my hair cut with a knife and my sister fearing that YOUR DAUGHTER was about to kill me? Having a big fiasco at school because our "grandfather" on the other side gave my sister pornography to send to school.

Oh yeah, by the way, the baby raper wasn't the only one who raped and molested us as children. Our mom knew, she would put peroxide on our private parts, there's no reason for that unless there was knowledge that something was happening. I also have permanent internal damage from being raped as a baby which means I most definitely had external injuries. But none of you geniuses could figure that out.

You were probably long gone by then, I mean you lived right down the road but you didn't have time for things like your daughter and granddaughters getting raped; you were too busy being a police officer- even a chief of police. Honestly, beyond disturbing.

What did we do to deserve to be isolated, abandoned, cast aside, abused in every way possible and treated like dirt until the very end of your life?

I don't even know what this is supposed to accomplish besides completely releasing you and your family and all the curses bestowed upon us because of you so that I can move forward and attempt to live. Not just survive, I'm done surviving, I am declaring it's time for me to live, for all of my siblings and I to really live. I'm cutting us free from you.

We did exist, we do exist and we did NOT deserve what you all did to us.

I've lived enough to know that your soul needs me to release this and to set you free from suffering the same unbearable pain you left us in. Maybe this all happened so that we all could break the ties of pain and suffering from the world starting with our own family line but I'm breaking off and creating a life of nothing but light and love for me and my family, there will be no ties to darkness. You are released from my journey because you were never there to begin with.

Where were you?

I don't need to know anymore because it doesn't matter. Maybe we all chose this life and these roles for the evolution of our souls but the roles are done and I'm letting you go. I never had you to begin with but I'm letting you go. Your roles as abuser and abandoner and betrayer are done. My role as a victim is done.

I'm releasing my anger with you.

I'm releasing my disappointment with you.

I'm releasing my embarrassment that I came from you.

I'm releasing all ties to you.

You did what you did, it is what it is and I will never get answers and that's okay now.

Nothing from you will be transferred to me or my children or my siblings or my nieces and nephews. We will never allow our grandchildren to endure the horrific things that you allowed to happen to yours. I hope you treated the public you served as an officer of the law better than your own flesh and blood.

We are free from any evil passed down, I'm cutting the final cord.

Yours is the first I'm cutting. There are no more ties and we are no longer connected to you.

Sincerely,

Your Granddaughter You Never Knew

guilty
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About the Creator

Aria Amanda Kreuz

Unleashing my soul through writing and also love entering vocal contests! Definitely not a sole and/or professional writer.

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