Black Book DoubleCross

I make a hard right onto an old back road. I drive deep into the woods. The moon is bright, so I cut my headlights and drive another half mile. “Shit”…I barely avoid 3 deer running through the woods

I park under some trees. I hop out the truck grab my bag and toss it over my shoulder. The map shows I’m a quarter mile away. The woods are dark but the moon will be my flashlight..

I see my destination up ahead, I get low, then I slowly crawl up to the back of the house gate, I hear noise, splashing. I peek through the gate. Somebody in the got dam pool. Shit, I thought everybody would be asleep, who swims at 2 am. I wait, it’s 2:40am, and I need to finish my business before the sun comes up.

They just went inside, I quickly get my big ass over the gate. I creep around the pool to look inside. The one in the pool he’s my target. I pull my cold steel 38 special out. I adjust my gloves and ski mask, he never even bother to lock the patio. I startle him coming out the kitchen, his mouth is full, he can’t even scream.

The glimmer of my gun catches his eye, he’s frozen and naked as a new born baby. It took all my willpower to stay composed and not accidently shoot him in the ass.

I grab him and jam the barrel into his temple. “I won’t hurt you just show me the safe. He points to a painting, pulls it off the wall and opens the safe. Good he’s cooperating, not wanting him to endure any further humiliation I reach for a blanket off the couch. Uncertain of what I’m seeing out the corner of my eye but it looks like a naked guy with a gun.

He fires, I fire back, he misses I don’t. He collapses, “Please don’t let me die.” “Shit, you should have listened.” “I’ll give you anything, my little black book in my safe is worth millions.

I step over his naked ass and grab everything in the safe. He coughs up blood, I can’t save him even if I wanted too.

His last breath, “The book is worth miiiii…..” I know somebody heard the gunfire. I back track and get the hell out. I stay low until I get deep into the woods. The moonlight is still bright I see my truck. I jump in, I see flashing red and blue lights far off through the trees.

I start the truck with the lights off, I back up and slowly drive ahead. A hundred feet more and I’ll gun it all the way home. I start turning the steering wheel to freedom.

Before I can take another breath the glass in my driver’s side window shatters. Felt like the truck was hit by lighting, I stomp on my brakes, I already know it’s not lighting. This shit has happened many times, you can never prepare for it. Of all the got dam times for it to happen now.

I hit a fuckin deer, a big buck. I jump out, the got dam deer has a broken neck. He’s squirming, making noise and kicking the shit out my truck. If this wasn’t the unluckiest shit in the world I would be excited because he’s a good looking, big SOB.

I pull out my shotgun, I point it at the center of his head. I feel sorry for the dam deer it’s suffering, I can’t shoot it. The police would be on my ass like flies on shit. I quickly check the truck, nothings busted, radiators good, no oil leaks, the driver’s door is the only damage.

The sun will be up soon, I hop in my truck, I pull up to the road to make my turn again. I’m starting to believe I’m a cursed SOB, about 2 miles out I see flashing red lights coming towards me. There’s no way that trooper didn’t see my lights, will he stop or keep going.

Its 4:00 am he must wonder what the hell anyone is doing in these got dam woods. “Shit,” I put my head down wanting to give up, the moonlight illuminates my shirt just enough. Talk about shit hitting the fan, well the shit just crushed the fan. To my disbelief, my shirt is covered in the naked boy’s blood. My brain kicks into panic mode, I pull out to the main road shift the truck in reverse and do a got dam K turn. I pull back onto the dirt road, scurry out of my truck over to the dam deer that’s twitching and kicking like crazy.

Not the best idea but I straddle the deer and wrap my skinny arms around his big ass neck. He froze for a moment, he knew I was trying to help. With all the strength in my body I choked the last bit of life out the big old buck. I’m pretty much an animal lover I felt bad choking that defenseless deer. I imagined naked ass shooting at me when the deer twitched harder. I wouldn’t be in this shit storm if he would have listened.

As sure as shit stanks, the trooper pulls up just like I knew he would. I’m busy loading big old buck into the back of the truck, everything but my face covered in deer blood. The trooper shines his flashlight out his passenger window.

“What’s going on here?” “Good morning officer just loading my big old buck into the truck, just bagged him not even 20 minutes ago.” “That’s a good looking buck there.”

“Yes sir, he is I can’t wait to see him on my wall.”

“You need some help loading him into the truck.”

The moonlight is hidden behind some clouds, my ass is facing the trooper while I load big buck. He never sees the warm piss flowing down the front of my pants when he asked me that.

“Oh no officer much obliged but I think I got it.”

“Ok…You know you’re only supposed to hunt during daylight hours.”

“Yes sir officer, I know, I been tracking him for days, when I saw him this morning I couldn’t lose him again.”

“I can understand not letting something get away, enjoy your buck.”

“Thank you officer enjoy your day.”

I stood still in my warm piss soaked pants for several minutes to be sure the trooper disappeared down the dark stretch of highway. I’m positive I would have shit stains to go along with my piss stains had he gotten out of the car. The big old buck stared at me if he was alive he would be giggling now. He would also be thankful for what I did.

What a strange ass night, I killed a man I didn’t want to and I killed a deer I had to. First time I ever choked a deer to death. Nobody will believe it, not sure I do.

I was working on the factory line when my supervisor told me to report to HR. My ass goes to itching whenever something bad is about to happen, I should have trusted my ass. I walked into the door way, she never looked up. “Hello Eddie, have a seat.” My ass went to itching like a got dam beaver gnawing on a piece of hickory. She had a cold stare, “Do you value your job.”

“Of course, I’m very happy here.”

“Background check shows you served jail time.

“I’m sorry I didn’t put that on my application.”

“Do you value your job?”

“I would do anything to keep my job.”

“Good.”

She gave me a note to meet her at a diner 40 miles out of town. She counted out $20,000 without blinking. Gave me half and said the other half is mine after I kill her husband. I didn’t care what she wanted done. It’s been 3 months now no one is the wiser. She told me to meet her at the dinner I’ve been here 45 minutes. The sun was starting to settle, she pulled up. I jumped in her car to collect my money.

Before I could reach my hand out, she stuck a 45 in my ribs. I’m guessing it’s the same one the naked fired at me. She wanted me to produce a little black book. In all the commotion I never checked to see what I pulled out the safe. After fighting with big buck I was exhausted and paranoid the police would pull up any minute, that same trooper.

We waited until it was completely dark she thought it best no one saw us together. She peeled out the parking lot like a bat out of hell. I figure anyone with no emotion wanting their husband dead might be a little off.

She drove like a seasoned race car driver, my truck is fast but on the open highway she left me standing still. I pulled up to the house 10 minutes after her.

I jumped out the truck, “What kind of car is that?”

She replied, “I despise anything slow, it’s a 93 Viper.”

“Yeah, I thought that’s what it was.”

“Can I check the hood?”

“No, I’m in a hurry.”

“It won’t take a minute, your stuff is on the table, the door is unlocked.”

She tossed the keys, I pop the hood and drool over the camshaft, v12 with power to spare.

Ten minutes go by she comes out waving the 45, gesturing for me to come inside.

“Where is my little black book?”

“I don’t have it.”

Before I can blink, the bullet shatters my collarbone

“Are you crazy!!”

“Yes.” She pulls the trigger with a grin.

The bullet plows through my right leg.

I plead for my life, like naked boy.

“No more, it’s in my locker at work.”

“I had to kill you, the book is worth a $100 Million and you may have wanted some of my money. My husband the investment banker has 50 accounts worldwide, all in my name. I discovered last week he was planning my death. I could not see his girlfriend spending my money

“I’m not like you I was never going to kill your husband.”

“Aww be sure and tell him when you see him.”

I reserve my strength, I hate her for recruiting me for putting my balls in a vice, I could have told her to go to hell and quit to be alive.

She storms out, my heartbeat slowing I strain to hear her car speed out the driveway to hear the rubber burn the asphalt.

Shit, I chuckle it hurts but well worth it. I’m waist deep in the shit now and I’m almost dead.

I laugh some more, it hurts more but I will die with a smile, a big ass grin will be frozen on my got dam dead body.

I’m not a religious man, if heaven and hell exist I’m probably going to hell, I giggle and slowly drift off, my last breath I smile knowing I’ll see that psychotic ass women soon.

You see, while checking her sports car out guilt consumed me, she had to pay we both did. So I cut her break lines I can clearly see her mean ass going off the cliff. If by some chance that crazy bitch survives the car accident she will eventually die broke

Because the little black book is not in my locker at work. I admit it I wasn’t as smart as her to figure out what the numbers meant but I knew they were important.

So I took the little black book and wrapped it in three zip lock bags and happily stuffed it up big old buck’s ass in my freezer. Not so dumb after all.

The End.