Before Us

I tried to wipe the blood off, draining a new bottle of Merlot into the sink. I couldn't think of him anymore.

He was in everything, and I couldn't escape his smile. The look on his face when I brought home tickets to see the newest superhero movie drained from my hippocampus.

Staring at a pool of blood, I felt like I was in another lifetime. I killed my date. My romanatic escapade is over with.

If I could erase that first time we ever danced, I would crumple it into a million pieces. I would tear the pages from the contagious laughter he let out when I spilled that glass of glistening merlot onto my dress in a pure druken glee.

Trash overflowed in the studio, but everything was silent. The birds stopped singing, and the mirror looked worse across the room. I had his rings stuffed deep into the drain.

When I thought about my crime, I shrugged at the urgency of calling the police. Instead, I sunk into this mattress a million times, wondering when my life was going to stop repeating itself. I was endlessly folding into the comforter and into the chairs of my studio. Nothing was getting better, and I had no one but the man I lost.

The photobooth picture of us displayed on my desk made me roll my eyes in disgust.

"Even though I wanted to be a tree higher than the canopy, I was forced to bend underneath the leaves. But you were the sky, and you watered me anyway."

His poems were always nonsensical. Secretely degrading, but pretty enough to fool you into thinking you were special.

The apartment at 2314 Blight Lane held me captive beneath its dented doors, its peeling paint, and its abundance of lonely tenants. I stared out into the city skyline to see nothing but low hanging clouds and fog that cut through the world like knives.

In case you're wondering why I killed my first date, the answer is simple: He lied to me and I was annoyed.

Before us, there were a lot of happy memories in being single. We each danced to the rythym of our own lives, and we tried on the clothes we always admired. No one else's opinions influenced us, and we cherished the way our faces lit up to the compliments of strangers.

But when we met, the story of two souls became entagled. Elias and I could never lose sight of each other, and we made room for the space we took up in each other's lives.

Looking at a bracelet lined with bright red hearts, I thought of our first tender meeting.

"You should watch where you're going, laces."

"Huh?" UMPH.

My forehead smacked into a lampost that lined the front of the court building. Alarmed, I turned to my right to see a tall man, dressed to the nines, with sleek black hair.

"Ha, I told you. Tie your shoes next time. I'm Elias."

"What a stupid way to introduce yourself."

Rubbing my forehead, I began to walk away from this pathetic circus act of a man and go up the concrete stairs to the courthouse.

"Wait! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. I tried to warn you. But hey, wait, uhm, where are you headed?"

"Is that any of your business? I have to go ice the lump on my head, thanks."

His laugh echoed into the city. "Oh COME ON!! You seem sweet, can I take you out to make up for it? How about dinner tonight at the carnaval?"

I didn't know what to think. He was charming, and I was alone. Every man that winked at me didn't give off the same confidence he did. I liked his tie, his jawline, and his dumb comments. I guess I will do this.

"Fine, tonight at seven. I will meet you there"

"You're the best, laces."

From day one, I became known as laces. The untied shoes and my hurried pace to the courthouse for disputing a driving ticket. The lump on my forehead really never left.

We did go to the carnaval that night, and the lights that hung from the ceiling were thrilled to see us meet. We talked and laughed for hours, sipping that infamous merlot. It was expensive, but we shared the world. Elias was charming, comedic, and invigorating. I wanted him to engluf me in the same waves of personality he possessed.

Our dates continued after that night, as we danced in city bars under a 2 am clock. We took photos of our adventures, the coffee dates, and the aqaurium visits. Elias made me forget what the world was like when I was alone, when I didn't trust men.

Countless movie nights, games, drinks, and laughter filled a year. I felt like I was watching some slice of life anime, where the main characters succeeded in their cheesy love story. They got the girl, and everything was serene in the end.

"I'll see you tomorrow at 9, my love."

"I can't wait. Love you so much."

I turned to the horizon and was prepared to spend the day shopping.

What I didn't expect was to bump into Elias later that day.

Elias was wandering around the grocery store, picking out some of my favorite snacks. Our minds thought alike. We were visiting the same store, to get each other some food, completely unexpected.

I was ecstatic, and wanted to surprise him somehow. That is, until I saw a woman appear from nowhere out of a nearby aisle. As I watched in the distance, she wrapped her arm around his and they laughed the same way we do.

Elias looked at her so intensely, and they seemed so happy together. If you didn't know our story, you would've assumed that they had been married for years.

I knew that life was disappointing, but I thought I beat it. I thought Elias had shown me what love was like.

Elias was someone I wanted to hold tight. But now, I shared him. I thought of confronting him, but turned down the embarrassment.

Surprisingly, I decided to proceed with our dinner date. Never in my life was I as disappointed as I was at this very moment. Every failed date never amounted to the searing hot tears that fell on my walk home from the store.

When he arrived, I had a full meal prepared. Chicken, mashed potatoes, greens, and the classic merlot from our first date. I carefully prepped the table with white candles, flowers, and a love letter. He was to bring the same.

Every time we made a fancy dinner for each other, he brought a handwritten letter that detailed everything he loved about me. So I tried my best to write all of the things that made me feel alive when he was with me.

Elias arrived on time as usual for the date, and we sat staring into each other's eyes for a few minutes. I loved him so much, and I knew he did too. So if he couldn't choose me, then I would choose me.

I got up to get some ice from the freezer, and left Elias facing away from the kitchen. Thinking of the pain from the store, I remembered everything he had done. Who he was, and how he shattered my image of love in one swing. Pulling out a shiny culinary knife, I headed back slowly to the table.

Without any hesitation, I had killed Elias. He slumped to the ground, and drowned in a pool of his own regret. Not a word left his mouth before he had gone, and I proceeded to eat my dinner while he laid on the gray carpet of the dining room setup. I took off his jewelry, and I removed the letter from his back pocket.

Now that I sit here beside him, I realize he is gone. There is not much I can do to fix this. Until I remember the letter he was going to give me.

Unfolding the yellow note, I began to read:

"Dear Laces,

I am sorry that I am not the man I could be. I know you and I are bound forever.

I have cherished every last hour and second in your presence.

But I have to admit...I need to carry on life alone. I miss what I had before I was taken. I miss seeing the ladies, but I didn't want to disappoint you.

I met someone 5 months back. She is beautiful. I realized I want to end this and confess what I did.

However, I think I will need you out of my life first."

Sorry for the trouble, Emmie".

Love, Elias

When I tried to move his body, my blood stained fingers couldn't bear to move him more than a couple feet. That is, until I heard something shift in his jacket.

Ramaging around, I finally pulled out a small hand gun.

Walking myself to the courthouse again, I thought of what I had seen. The letter he was going to give me was was my own final goodbye. Maybe we were crazy for each other after all.