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Will We Ever Feel Satisfied?

with ourselves, with others, with our life?

By ChantelPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
Will We Ever Feel Satisfied?
Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash

Calculating how much I earn a year, and I only make 500/week.

Do I work hard to earn it, not really.

Is it a stressful job? No.

Do I enjoy it? Not necessarily, but it's so easy I can't complain.

I feel like I really only work 20 hours a week.


I know I wouldn't be able to afford a home or even an apartment out here.

And that makes me sad. The minimum for a house is 1 million- maybe it makes more sense for me to just invest. Fuck a house.

I need a high paying job ! I make 40k but after taxes it is more like 28k.

Plus my side jobs only add like 7k. so 35k?

That is NOTHING :( At least it feels that way when I have goals of investing. I would love to invest and get 500k, but I haven't even hit my 1ook mark.

Everything feels impossible at the moment. I feel defeated and depressed.

I don't want to spend money because I feel like I barely have any.

But staying inside is also depressing. I also have investment goals but that shit is hard to do when I just feel like I don't have enough.


It's like- I complain about not having enough when there really are broke people out there. At least I am able to save 2,000 a month and not have that splurged on rent.


New goals:

Reach 117! That is 9 pounds lighter than my current weight.

Apparently that is the ideal weight for someone of my height and age to be at.

I am currently at 126. After I hit that weight, the goal is just to maintain it and I should be able to get there by December.

We are going to try to get TONED!

I may eventually invest in some weights altho I prefer the gym.

I also would like to earn at least 750 a week to make 3000 a month. Seriously tho 5,000 would be a dream.

I should be able to hit 95k by the end of December and 100k by the time I turn 23. We are out here slowly but surely making progress and I am here for it!

This isn't just to look good but to be healthier for future Dom. I have to put the work in now so it will be easier for her to maintain it. I have also started taking the women a day pill!!


Seeing my old university friends struggling sucks. She really said that she had a negative balance 137.00 in her bank account- here I was complaining about not hitting 100k.

Sometimes I forget to be thankful for what I have. Okay, a lot of the times.


I like being single. I like when I am in a caring partnership as well.

But lately I've been loving being single more.

I like being able to have the bed and space to myself.

I like having alone time.

I like making my own schedule without having to coordinate with someone else.

I like going on vacation without having the need or feeling that I need to be in constant communication with someone to feel good.

I like that I can make goals without anyones judgement.

Partners just judge us way too hard and I don't like necessarily how judgy I become in a relationship.

I nit-pick on the small things and the thought of being stuck with someone would be too much. At the same time, if I felt we didn't spend enough time together, I would've been upset too.

When I have a partner, I am constantly having to think of them and expect the same in return. And that just is too much for me to handle any time soon.

At this moment I like being selfish.

I'm literally working all of the time- and I am okay with it for the sole reason that I know I can use that money to go book a spontaneous trip to Las Vegas for my friends birthday. (which I did do)


No one can comment how I spend my time or my money. If I was in a relationship, I'd be concerned about their money because how the spend it now is possibly how it would be if I married someone. And I'm not ready to be upset and controlling of someone else with those serious matters and arguing about money.

I like working remote for the freedom that I have with my schedule.

If I had that other fun Urban Events Job, I would never have a weekend to myself. I could never leave if I chose to- so maybe in a way, this outcome was for the best.

And sometimes I actually hate having to be social. I didn't realize it, but I do LOL. Like with the farmer's market- I would prefer to not.

I am so excited for Washington DC as well! I'm satisfied at the moment with making at least 4,000 a month. Which I can make if this person decides they want me as their personal assistant for 500/week.

And the additional income I get from nannying and odd jobs help a lot as well.

I feel confident that I can make my 100k goal at least by sometime next year and that makes me happy. It gives me a sense that I can succeed in goals that I make for myself, and maybe if I chose, I could retire earlier.

Or at least have the freedom to follow and try various jobs and experiences.

On top of getting my finances together, I am focusing on my fitness and attempting to lose 8 pounds! I want to be around 120-117lb. Which according to the tests, is a normal weight for someone of my height.

Walking at least 10k steps a day (with the help of fitbit), and making an effort to workout for strength training.

So many goals! And I got my teeth straight and am maintaining good hygiene :)

I'm proud of myself. You can achieve anything you set your mind to.


About the Creator


I range from social justice issues to sexuality articles, all depends on my mood.

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