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Why I Changed My Name

Goodbye Laura-Jasmin and hello Rosie-J

By Rosie J. SargentPublished 12 months ago Updated 12 months ago 9 min read
16
May 2018 - Pound House, New Forest, taken by Miss Laura Sexton.

Hello, my lovelies. I hope you are well and keeping safe out there. My name is Rosie, and I recently changed my name. I'm about to get rather personal. This article features abuse and death so please proceed with caution. Also a few swears so sorry nan, grandad, dad and everyone else in our massively complicated family tree.

Grab yourself a cuppa (I'm on my fourth already) and let us begin...

I was given the name Laura-Jasmin, named after my auntie Laura who tragically passed at the age of two. My mum added the name Jasmin so that I would have my own identity, which I really thank her for. My parents spilt up and divorced when I was three months old. So all my life there has been mum's side - dad's side, and like I mentioned it's very complicated.

My mum and I: Andover 2018

Growing up I never understood why my nan treated me differently from all my other siblings, I won't lie - I always thought it was because of my Cerebral Palsy, not my name. I don't know, it could be both I suppose. Now as a mother with a two-year-old myself, I could not (and I don't want to) ever imagine what that pain feels like. Even as I write this, I feel an empty sadness that is extremely painful and hollow. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

One day my sister (second eldest) confirmed it was because of my name. It made me angry; it made me really sad. I had a lot of emotions of course. I had in the past, disappointed my nan on more than one occasion and I know I'd hurt her and my grandad; my dad and my auntie Lindsay too. I was quite a rebellious teenager, and it's because I felt lost, angry, alone and isolated. I started to act up because I never understood why I was always singled out, or the scapegoat of the family. I never got it.

Auntie Lindsay, my Nan, myself and (one of my many) sister[s] Mia: Christmas 2015.

I had always thought it wasn't fair that I should live in the shadow of someone who tragically didn't get to live their life. I felt it was unfair to both my auntie and I. As such, I had to battle with my own identity versus the identity that was expected of me.

For example: When I received conditional offers for my selected universities my dad and I quote said "Are you going to university because it's expected of you or is it because you want to?"

I responded with "no," but inside I know dad knows I said yes, even though it was both. I'm the eldest, I set the bar, the standard, at least that's what I had to listen to throughout my childhood. Every time I did have to listen to this, I felt like I was being lectured, and moulded into something I'm just not. Yet going to university was my escape.

Teleborg Castle at Linnaeus University in Vaxjo Sweden, taken during my semester aboard (2017-18).

Now a quick rundown - I was born in Winchester (England, U.K.) and grew up in a garrison town called Andover. Andover, to put it plainly is well...a shit hole (sorry nan and grandad). It's a town that suffers from a small-town syndrome where everyone is in your business at all times and somehow you're related to this person and this person, and another person you don't even know knows you, all because...it's a small town.

I realised how small the town was when I was six and god did I hate it. I made a vow to myself (while my mum and I were crossing junction road and we walked past the bingo hall) that when I grew up I would move away and change my name, and as I grew that urge got stronger and stronger.

Mia and I on a holiday in Watchet Somerset 2005?

Rumours breed quickly in places like Andover and my word was I was the subject of one or two growing up. Sometimes I would walk into school and be faced with multiple accusations about who I am and what I do. When all I did when I got home was listen to music, cry and write. Or play Nintendo Wii Sports (the archery one was my favourite).

My rumoured self had a wild life, compared to my real self, but it doesn't matter in places like Andover, because if it's believable and it is said enough times - it sticks. Reputation matters - for some reason.

Anyway, I was bullied. I'm disabled so it's not exactly a shocker, but yea I felt like I was getting battered from both sides. Home and school. When I finished school and went to sixth form I started feeling a sense of freedom and then along came university. I fled the nest as quickly as I could and as far away from home as my anxiety would allow.

I spent the next three or so years in Bath, a city built by the Romans and home to the Netflix show Bridgeton. Those three years were the best and I got a taste of who I actually was rather than what everyone wanted me to be. Although this was limited.

Bath Southgate Spring 2018: Taken by the Queen of the North - Alexander Thomas.

This is where is going to get a little bit depressing...

I was in a relationship for nearly eight years. I was fourteen and I left a few months before covid changed our world when I was 22. This relationship was toxic and extremely unhealthy. I won't go into too many details but it was verbally abusive, and it brought out the worst parts of me. I felt like I always had to defend myself. When in reality I was just dealing with a narcissist that was good at fooling everyone "I'm really good a lying," he would brag as he continuously accused me of cheating, and we all know what that means...

I digress, however, he wouldn't let me enjoy my moments and instead thought he could just join the same university, despite having no interest in academia and move to Bath. I tried to break up with him multiple times, but the fucker just kept coming back.

Conrad, myself and Laura - Taken by Queen of the North - Alexandra Thomas: Summer Ball 2019.

So I eventually left. The day I graduated uni (26th July 2019), I created my first ever Netflix account. I know it's silly but, this was my first step into plotting yet another escape. The next five months I was planning, and life got even more difficult because he made me move into a flat with him, despite expressing that I didn't want to.

Then came Halloween 2019. I was out with a few of my friends and befriended someone (who ironically I'm not in contact with anymore) because they had a tattoo written in Elvish. Yep - Lord of the Rings. The next day the ex rang me shouting, claiming that I had cheated on him to which he proceeded to come and collect me (I was in Andover, while he was in Bath), and yep, you read that right; collect me.

I didn't have anyone, or at least I was cut off from everyone. Anyway, we were at Salisbury train station when he decided to start shouting in my face. The platform (4) was full, and everyone was watching him shout at me. It was humiliating, he screamed in my face, accusing me of all sorts, while I just stood there helpless and sobbed. It was at that point to the incredible ladies came right up to me and said "Just because he doesn't hit you, doesn't mean it's not abuse, get out." I will never forget this.

Sailsbury Catherdral - 2022.

I went back 'home' with him, and pretended as if nothing had happened. Turns out I'm better at acting than I thought, (I'm so glad those acting classes paid off). The next month, it was game on. I was leaving, and there was nothing he could do about it.

The night I left he chased me down the street near the River Avon in the city centre. It was terrifying and equally embarrassing, but I just kept on walking.

The next day I left Bath and moved to a small village in Wiltshire, with the help of some old friends and new ones. I was out and began to process eight years of shit. I consistently had nightmares, I was so depressed, but liberated. I felt robbed, and tainted. I don't go to Bath now.

Luke and I before we became parents: Christmas 2020.

Two years later...

I become a mum, and my whole life up until that point meant nothing, University, travelling abroad, winning student of the year - it meant nothing, nothing compared to my beautiful baby boy. This was my fresh start, a chance for a new life.

Bath time: 2022

I stuck with Laura-Jasmin for a little bit building up a following under my bestowed nickname Mama L. Until the night of my sister's confirmation. Then I remembered my vow. I had moved away yes, but I still carry the dead weight of Miss Nuttall. Nuttall in my family's eyes (dad's side), is pretty much a cursed name.

My whole birth name means nature, so I wanted to stick with that semantic, and Rosie as my auntie Lindsay told me, is already a family name. But what about the surname? Rosie Nuttall didn't sit right to me, and then my dad drops a delightful and unexpected bombshell. "I'm changing my name to your nan's maiden name - Sargent." My great grandfather was Sargent Ronald James Sargent - yep Sargent Sargent, he was a military man, who I know my nan is extremely proud of. I wish I knew more about him.

Myself, my dad (sorry dad), Mia - 2004/5?

And there it happened Rosie J Sargent was born. (I kept Jasmin because that's the only bit of my name I actually have my own identity). Rosie J Sargent is the name I choose. I mourned the death of Laura-Jasmin, but I am happy - I feel free.

Now telling this to friends and family I realised was a tricky one so this is another reason why I have written this so I only have to go through this once. I’ve also got to admit this has been very therapeutic, I have nothing to hide.

I feel at rest. My six-year-old self is now at peace, and I love my name. I now, have the tedious task of changing my name legally along with everything else that comes with that. Yay.

God what would we do without Tolkien ey?

Anyway - goodbye to Laura-Jasmin and hello Rosie-J!

Follow me on insta: @rosiejsargent

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Stay safe, stay hopeful and stay blessed! :)

SchoolTeenage yearsFamilyEmbarrassmentChildhood
16

About the Creator

Rosie J. Sargent

Hello, my lovelies! Welcome, I write everything from the very strange to the wonderful; daring and most certainly different. I am an avid coffee drinker and truth advocate.

Follow me on Twitter/X @rosiejsargent97

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Comments (4)

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  • Joelle E🌙11 months ago

    Im so honored to have gotten the chance to read your story. beautiful inside and out ❤️

  • Paul Stewart12 months ago

    I loved this piece and was good getting to know you a bit better. You're tough as nails really! Inspirational. I'm glad you were able to get the name change you had wanted and well done for breaking free from the toxic relationship to that asshole.

  • Heather Hubler12 months ago

    I am so happy for you!! What a long journey to get to this day, but you made it happen despite what life has thrown at you. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt piece :)

  • Daniel Hooks12 months ago

    I thought brave was your middle name. It should be! Continue to write your truth in your inspirational way. You are brilliant 🤩!

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