White women judged and Black Girls ridiculed me...

I was told that having braids was considered ghetto or “too ethnic”. To be honest, I felt ashamed of being black not because of beauty standards, but because I just did not “fit into the culture”.I was judged for wearing braids by not just white women, but black women and girls as well. I liked wearing braids, but at the same time I was very insecure. The irony about my childhood and braids is that from preschool to 7th grade, I went to predominantly black schools. It was one thing to be judged by white women, but the sad thing was the comments that I felt hurt the most were from black girls.

Judgement:

It was in 8th grade. I was in a private school and during math class, an older white woman came in looking to have someone tutor her granddaughter. I remember that I had boxed braids and hoop earrings. I was also one of the three only black kids in the 8th grade. The teacher spoke to her and had the woman speak to the “advanced math students”. I happen to be one of the five advanced math students. We were sitting in a secluded area. As I introduced myself to the woman, she was very icy towards me. I was not sure at first. I was not disrespectful; in fact I even introduced myself. She was more interested in talking to my friend, who was not black. My friend did not know how to answer the woman and asked me for help. I offered to help, but the woman said “no”. When my teacher asked who was the best in the math class, she pointed at me. The woman looked me up and down, and walked out. To this day, I felt ashamed.

“Did she think I was ghetto for wearing braids?”

“Did my hair scare her?”

“Should I have changed my style?”

I had many questions about my hair. The more questions that I got from white women, the more I could feel the judgement just pouring down.

“Does “that” hurt?”

“Why do you do that to your hair?”

“Wow, how long did that take?”

While the questions were not bad, the tone behind it was condescending. I stopped wearing braids for a couple of years.

Ridicule:

Two years after my experience with braids in Junior high school, I decided to wear braids again my senior year of high school. I was tired of doing my hair and not having a new style. So, I reluctantly got my hair braided. However, this time I was at a predominately white school. Most of the white kids did not judge or bother me. In fact, some embraced me and were curious. The problem occurred with the black girls. Most of the black girls I went to high school with either wore wigs, weaves or their actual hair. The two black girls that I had in my class laughed at me for wearing braids. It was as if I had worn clown shoes. The fact that I was laughed at by black girls for wearing braids made me feel like the odd ball out. The irony is that they were not using their real hair either, yet they laughed. I kept my braids in my hair but only for two weeks because I just was...not happy. I stopped wearing braids and I just could not do it anymore. Their ridicule made me feel worse than the judgement.

The aftermath:

Years later, I decided to stop being embarrassed and not caring. I wore braids again. This time, I did not care. I wore them to the gym. I wore them to class at my university. I wore them everywhere. It was the first time that I just did not care. Wearing braids means a lot to me:

They are cute

Convenient for when I do not want to do my hair

I felt like I was embracing my culture

The questions nor judgement did not get to me anymore. As I got older, I stopped caring about my hair being too “ethnic” and with the BLM movement and how California became the first state to make sure people are not discriminated against based on hair, I felt empowered. It was an eye opening experience. I am not ashamed of being black. I am not ashamed of my hair. I am not ashamed of me. I love being black. I love my hair. I love being...me.