WEIRDOS

The story of my life is “I don’t fit in.” I can remember listening to Mariah Carey’s Album, “Butterfly,” singing the words to the song, “Outside, around the age of ten.” It went something like this… “You’ll always be, somewhere on the outside.” What’s even more affirming is that I’m an Aquarius and Aquarians don’t fit in. Uranus is our ruling planet which simply means rebellion. Although I never thought of myself as such, I see why I am. I do not have the same beliefs as my family. I am an “out of the box” thinker. I love to debate and challenge other’s perspectives, and most of all I can’t be controlled or conform unless I agree with the situation at hand. Other rebellious qualities are that we are known to stand up passionately for the things we believe in, and usually becomes activists through music or our artistic gifts.

When it came to school, I was picked on for being the weird, smart, light-skinned kid who daydreamed during the entire class. Although I was an honor student, a great leader, and later in my career great worker, I seldomly received recognition for keeping things in order or keeping my unit afloat. I don’t care about the praise, but I often found myself trying to prove to others my value.

It is believed within the concept of “The Circle of Life,” (from the movie "The Lion King") things left unresolved will come back around for you to close. There are areas in my life where I left things where they were, because of conflict and issues with fitting in. As I continue to live each day, I understand perspective is key to harmony.

School, jobs, careers, families even, love to kick a persona of unison. Everyone must dress, conduct, even be the same as the idolized example. It is this persona, that gives the rebellious crew an attitude of injustice, discrimination, or violation of rights. In these functions, one must see the greener grass.

As an employee of a company where I worked, there were allegations made against my work ethic, and duties. I had every piece of evidence in emails and showed the proof to my superiors. A meeting was scheduled not to disclaim the allegations, but to inform the third party of my plans on minimizing the problem further. I was not going to attend the meeting, due to my feelings behind the company trying to tarnish my reputation. I knew there were overtones of racism, with inclusion to “the ranking system,” which forced my company’s hand in us being there. It was reported to me if I didn’t attend, our agency would look bad, and so I went. Although we took the higher position by not addressing the lies, I was offended because my superiors used discretion, turning a blind eye to all the discriminatory comments, even made during the meeting. I already didn’t want to be there, but still had to be subjected to the “B.S.” After the meeting, I asked the Director if there was anything I could have done differently. His response was to have a “poker face.” In the future, I vowed not to allow anything, or anyone to influence my reactions, despite my feelings. I realized the trigger for me again, was proving my value. I saw my superiors handle the meeting with professionalism and ease. The wording was chosen carefully, tactfully. and mercifully. I was the only one not fitting in this equation. Not only was I visually bothered, but I also asked to be excused from the meeting……Which takes me to the greener grass.

Using my ex-boss’ words of advice, I thought about things being done differently. For instance, I could have gone to the meeting sitting there quietly with a smile. If asked to speak on something, I could have just given very brief and concise answers. If I felt the need to “yarn,” I could have even done that too. There was no need to prove my value, the evidence was already seen before the meeting. The work was already completed.

So, the real issue isn’t my value. There is no doubt of the work getting done. There may have been doubt previously which became a triggering domino effect reason to my behavior. So, then what is the underlining issue? It is the sense of lack in worthiness.

Where did this feeling of lack come from?....... Past lives?..... Definitely childhood. My timid, quiet, intellectually weird, shy nature was no match for the strong, tough, fighting parents and siblings surrounding me. Everyday was a story of, “I Survived.”

Within the last couple of weeks, I’ve been allowing myself to feel worthy of all the world has to offer. It only took 34 years of my life!! I realized I was giving my power away. As I started on this journey towards purposeful living, a feeling being content encircled my life. Then I found my purpose. This is what gives my life meaning and becomes my ally in joining with those of likeness. Everyone is different. Some more than others. It’s all about associating with people just like you. Then you’ll see, it’s not about fitting in. It’s about linking up.

I'm glad I went through those trials and tribulations in life. It showed me my value and further affirmed how worthy I am. Any area in your life others bring attention is an indication of how sacred that part of you is. Uniqueness is what makes the world diverse. I have a quote that states;

"Life is full of the opposites. This is what makes the world colorful."

Everyone must be comfortable with who they are. In this lifetime, you only get one body, one mind, a soul, and a spirit. Our job is to take care of them all. Being comfortable with who are you are, not only lightens the load off everyone else, but helps others be comfortable with you. If you don’t accept yourself, how will others?

Now grant it, we can change the way we look, but the authenticity of who we are will always shine through.

I EMBRACE EVERY PART OF MY WEIRDNESS. I even wrote a book about it (“The Sun And the Moon”..amazon.com).