Unsent letter to my ex-best friend from College

Dear ex best friend,

I remember the first time we met in college, we basically became best friends after we both agreed that one of our peers was irritating. Since that happened, we would hang out at restaurants during lunch time, I would spend time with you at your home and eat the delicious meals your mom would make. We would joke around a lot and explore Downtown Chicago. Like normal friendships, we would have our ups and downs. When I think of you, many things come to my mind, such as us being able to be open with each other and communicate our feelings, us being there for each other when we would encounter awful moments, us messaging each other funny videos, and so much more.

I want to let you know that I am so proud of you because even though we are not in contact, I know you are thriving in life, of course, this is not to say that you are not facing any challenges, I am pretty sure you are. Still, it does not matter; I will always hope you reach your goals. I always believe in you and that you will never allow yourself to be a failure after not succeeding at times.

When you reached out to me last summer, without hesitation, I replied back, I was looking forward to what you were doing with your life, and when you invited me to your place, I had this feeling of excitement and nervousness. I really loved walking into your home and having your cat run up to me to greet me. While I was there, we talked about college, our boyfriends who we hope will be our husbands in the future, our careers and the jobs we hoped to get through them, and then we talked about why our friendship ended. But to be honest, I still do not quite understand why it ended. I look back at our messages on Instagram were we argued, and all I can think was that it ended because you felt I was all over your space. Was that it? Did you feel that I was not letting you breathe? Did you feel like I was not able to understand you wanted to be left alone? It was never my intention to make you feel that way. I just wanted to be there for you, to remind you that you can always count on me. I wanted you to know that I took you seriously in our friendship.

I did not reach out to you when I realised that weeks later after I sent you a cat video you had unfollowed me and removed me from instagram. I felt that it would be a waste of time because you do not owe me an explanation, even though deep down I did wanted one. I wanted to ask if you only reached out to me to determine if our broken friendship can be fixed, to know if you still wanted me to be a part of your life, but I learned that it is best to stay away. I learned a long time ago that just because something ends, that does not mean we have to have bad blood between us. A psychology professor once told me that friendships and relationships can come to an end without fights or resentments.

Despite us not speaking to each other again, I will always have you in my heart. I miss you so much but I am also accepting the silence between us. I am accepting that our broken friendship cannot be repaired. I do not have to see you to know that you are a beautiful sunflower.

Sincerely,

Diani