Turn away please, while I get naked.
Getting to Know me challenge.
I’m low on juice this week, at a low ebb. Down in the dumps. A little overwhelmed by life and a little sad. I want to thank a few of my fellow creators (shall I name them? They know) for picking up on this oh so subtle blue tint that has appeared in my writing and checking I am ok. It was nice to be asked. And nice to feel that there is community here. Imperfect, variegated, but present. Unlike me. I have not been terribly present, and I forgive myself for that. Is there some way of filing for later stories I want to read but haven’t had capacity for? They’re landing like micro plastics in the ocean this week and I have the bandwidth of a maternity nurse 9 months after the war began.
However. I am ok, be reassured. What is not ok is my writing. I have sat down to expertly craft the first chapter of the next great (English) novel, a book that will tower in the consciousness of a generation, and it is failing to arrive on the page. Or, actually in my head. So lets take a break, and take up Kayleigh’s getting to know me challenge. After all, then I can stop feeling like a party pooper every time I read a new one.
1. Thing 1 - there are two things, here labelled thing 1 and thing 2, which I think define my life. The first is that I am adventurous. I believe this is both innate and learnt, but I want to try it all. Not quite all, actually, as we shall come too, but a lot. I have travelled to over 40 countries, experimented with different jobs, boldly attempted all sorts of activities. The world is an exciting place, and if geology and the natural world aren’t enough, our artistic and scientific endeavours are incredible! If you want someone to try a new thing with you, I will probably say yes. Then, these days, I will probably say maybe not actually, but we will come to that as well.
2. Thing 2 - I have a domineering and crippling phobia which means that I am anxious almost all of the time. Danger is everywhere and despite the danger being omnipresent, I’d far rather be at home with it that out with it. Thus, I would quite like to never leave my front door. Except for all the leaving my front door thing 1 drives me to crave. It is an impossible situation, and I try to give thing 1 as much space as I can – it leads to a more fulfilling, if also more bone rattlingly anxious life. Thing 2 still curbs thing 1 a bit though, and there are things I will never do.
3. I don’t feel so good. I am a chronic migraine sufferer, my digestive system like a rare orchid which insists on a precision environment and then keels over and dies anyway, I have three slipped discs in my back leading to chronic pain and this is why sometimes these days, my “yes” might become a “maybe not actually”. Unfortunately perhaps not often enough. I can be a bit stupid that way.
4. I am the parent of two autistic children, and evidence suggests that I would probably get a diagnosis too, if I pursued one. I’m 45 years old and functioning though, it would gain me nothing, but perhaps I would forgive myself a little for certain things, including my difficulty in making friends. Of which I have very few.
5. On the making friends front, the odds were stacked against me. I have been to two nursery schools, six primary schools, eight secondary schools, and three universities. I also missed a year of school entirely. We were not a forces family, but my dad was restless, always. As a consequence, I have studied Romeo and Juliet three times, but never covered long multiplication. Neither has impacted my life, so far as I can tell. The bullying, the sense of rejection, the never finding a tribe – that has impacted my life.
6. I missed a year of school entirely living in a caravan, on the move. I have since done this with my partner also. I love living in mobile homes. It serves both my drive to stay home, and my drive to explore, and I just don’t worry too much if I don’t get a shower for a good few days!
7. I work in the NHS, and have done now for over 15 years. I worked into a respiratory service through Covid. I don’t think I need to say more about that!
8. I am really shy. I will not dance as if no one is watching. Unless literally no one is watching, for sure, no chance. If there are prescribed actions, I will give that a try. But a freestyle boogie is never going to happen. Also, I aint singing for you. I’m bad at it, yes, and that should not matter, no, but people might LOOK AT ME.
9. People do look at me. I have striking hair. I have had comments all of my life. Strangers touch it.
10. There are phrases I use all the time in speech, but never in my writing. This is because of homophones. Even near homophones. Bare, bear. Affect, effect. I should know these…but doubt creeps in.
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As I Lay Me Down To Sleep.
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Comments (27)
I loved this! In one short piece you somehow created a short movie in my mind and it was fantastic, I even pictured you driving in a van with your hair blowing in the wind. Neurotypical is overrated seriously I think all of us writers are exceptional and so are you. I look forward to your novel.
I wish that you were feeling better, but I understand what it’s like to be low on juice. I want to say that it’ll get better, but I know how hollow that always sounds in the moment, so all I can say is hang in there. ❤️ It’s great to get to know you a bit better. I suffer from chronic migraines as well, and while I REALLY wish that you didn’t get them, I’m happy to find another migraineur. I also think it’s amazing that you have overcome all these obstacles to travel to so many different countries. It’s quite inspiring.
Congrats on Leaderboard. Many have been absent these past days. Great to see you back.
CONGRATULATIONS🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉👌
Super! Not invisible now lady ;) 🤍🤍🤍
Fabulous!!! Thank you for sharing your awesome self!!! Congratulations on Top Story!!!❤️❤️💕
Very well written. It was good to get to know you a little. I think we all have our quirks and problems that make us who we are. Congrats on Top Story.
Lovely to get to know you more. It is amazing how much writers have in common. I am the same as you in some respects I love to travel and I also could get myself diagnosed as I am likely on the spectrum but hey, it wouldn't change much, I am what I am and have always coped. Congratulations on the top story. ❤
Better days to come, my friend. I really enjoyed the share and getting to know you better. So sorry to hear about the chronic pain. Migraines are debilitating. I used to get them until I figured out that it was caffein creating them, so bye bye to coffee and tea. Keep that pen flowing. I really am enjoying your work! 💖
Congratulations on your Top Story
Oh man. I'm sorry you've been down. But I want you to know that it has led you to write something that I have loved reading so much this morning from my lazy bed, if that means anything at all. Made me smile, made me frown, made me relate, made me sympathize, made me sad. Great writing. Hit me right there in my chest, for some reason.
I loved reading this! So uniquely written, very fun and interesting. You have quite the list here. I find it so interesting that your things 1 and 2 are at odds; that must be so frustrating, actually, to simultaneously want and fear going on adventures. I relate to that anxiety a little; I had it real bad when I was in high school; could not be around certain family members and no crowds for over a year, and needed therapy to get over certain other fears too. A complete nervous break. It resulted in worsened shyness too, and I suck at socialization with new people. And I have almost no friends. Haha. Well we have a few things in common then. You do have beautiful hair; I am quite envious. 😊🙃 I could not live in a mobile way like you have done! I would be terrified of all that could go wrong. What’s the longest you’ve stayed put? Do you prefer being on the move? (Seems like you might 😊) It was great getting to know you more, Hannah! I will have to read your chapter tomorrow!! I hope it turned out the way you wanted it to. I could not develop my idea, like, at ALL.
nice show of vulnerability there
Well written and I can relate to the writing funk so much. It sucks. Congratulations on the Top Story
Great! Very well written and now I know you better! I have autism too! We should subscribe to each other and stick together! You’re a great writer!
Congratulations Hannah 👌☺️ I’m so glad you took part and got top story for it ❤️✨
Just dropping back by to say congratulations!
Thank you for writing this Hannah! I really enjoyed learning more about you! I related to a lot of it! <3
Loved your story of you, Hannah! Yes life is not always rosy and a lot of good people can still suck much of the time, and it can be hard to deal with life in the public eye... but you're cool anyway and adventurous and witty. I hope you get out of your blues💙Anneliese
Loved reading this and getting to know more about you! You have such a dry wit-Appreciate that so much! As for friends...people are mostly dicks, so I'm on the whole grateful for my lacking in mates existence. But I'd be in your tribe for sure! Which, I'm not sure for you whether that would be good or bad 🙄 Anyway-great writing, loved reading 🤍
Hannah! I wanted to say thank you and well done for taking part in this challenge. It was very interesting learning more about you and your life on the road, at times. I share a few things in common - father to two children on the spectrum and in hindsight, if I bothered, I would likely be diagnosed too, but 43 and not really interested in doing that as, like you, it would not really have a massive impact on my life, but I may be able to accept why I've had trouble with friends and other things in my life in the past. I'm also incredibly shy, which many people don't realise around these Vocal/online parts... Anyway, I really enjoyed learning more about you and congrats on this getting Top Story!
Omggg, same! I won't even dance although I know there's no one watching! Lol. I'm also autistic but functioning. I have anxiety and been bullied too. I enjoyed learning more about you!
H - Promise not to 'Peek' or 'Touch' ~ PROBABLY ~ * But wouldn't trust Dana. Jay
I think I can very well understand the apparent conflict between the first two things. Chronic headache/back pain - I can feel you! Can I touch your hair? :-D
Thanks for sharing, Hanna. A lot of relatable points in this. I have to admit, I envy your opportunities for adventure. I haven't had enough of those in the past several years.