Triangle of Two Lovers

Here's the thing...I'm fucked!

I have this coworker that I liked (big time past tense) at the beginning of my employment. I'm not really good with attraction signs, but I can say for (almost) sure that we were flirting hard at some point. But you see, there's a thin line between success and failure when you work with the guy 40 hours a week. You CAN'T fuck up. And if you do, it will be ackward for a long time. So, being a reasonable person, I chose not to act on it. So, with time and patience, those feelings went away...At least I thought they did.

Present time now. A few weeks ago, a guy started to show up at my job frequently (I work in retail btw). Even if he runs errands for his company, it was kind of suspicious that he was there every day "to check on his orders". Afterwards, he started to let slide cute comments in my way. I still didn't get it. Until he asked me "kinda" out for dinner. He was jocking, and laughing so I laughted to. I never answered, because, for me, it couldn't be for real. So, I asked around what could it mean and everybody said the same thing : "Go for it girl, that man dig you". So I did and apparently it wasn't what everyone thought. Long story short, I was kinda heart broken and it shove me down in a light depression stage. The thing you have to know about me is that I have absolutely no self esteem. So you can see why I wanted to crawl in a hole and die there. So, that moment was the start of something old/new.

My head was far up in my ass that day and I went to see James, the guy I work with. The thing is, he's a really good guy. He listens, he understands and he hugs (my favorite part). So I went for a "James kinda pick-me-up" and something happened, I'm not quite sure what! When he hugged me, I felt all my loneliness disappear and all of his hurt!?! Weird right? At this moment I new. Those feelings...still there!

He said nothing, hugged me and rubbed my back really intensely (All the backs...upper, middle and lower). I felt like he needed this as much as I did. We hugged for nearly 30 seconds. In my opinion, 30 seconds is short for all kinda things (feel me?), but for a hug, it's damn long. Neither of us wanted this to end, but when you're on the job and anyone could walk in on this, you have to. I started to let go and he did too. I slid my hands down his shoulders from his wrists and he mimicked my action. it was kinda sad to let go of each other.

So, why am I fucked? Because he has a girlfriend!

Some says, she's just an obstacle. I say, it's complicated. You see, he's kind of an abused man. He's so kind and generous, that he attracts abusers...like that bitch is with! He got separated, gave her a lot of money, she gave him a lot of trouble. Meanwhile, she messed around with other guys, got pregnant and now that she has no options, she got back with him. Why he took her back you say (like the rest of us at the time)? We have good reasons to think that she threatened him. It's so sad to watch, 'cause he lost something since...his happiness!

So now that you know that I don't want to break up a couple, I can continue my story.

So since that hug, I've been "peacocking" a lot around him. I can't even control myself. I feel these urges to touch him, my face get brighter when he's near, my smiles are flirty, there's major eye contact between us and I even started to dress nicer for him to see. I still don't want to interfere between him and his "thing", but I want to let him know that he has a better option. 'Cause never will I mentally or physically assault him, never will I interfere in his decisions of any kind, never will I treat him less than he is and never will I abuse his extraordinary kindness like she does! I'm not a cheater, never will be. However, I'll be his friend and his go back to for as long as it takes for him to value himself like I do.

So knowing all of this, I can go further in my story.

Saturday, I invited him over. We visited a couple of my friends, smoked a little and afterwards went to the beach. We played freezebee, we laughted, we messed around (not the way you think) and we even got a fireworks representation. We didn't talked that much, but I know there's something bothering him. He's not the same, he's more pensive, more in his own head, talks less and most importantly...he didn't talk about her at all. Not even a "we are going somewhere" or "our vacation", nada! He was talking using "I" and "my". So, does his Facebook status saying "single" could reflect reality or just fantasy?

I'm really lost in all of this. I like him a lot and deep deep down, I'm realizing he could be the one. But for now, I know I just want to be a friend, a shoulder to cry upon and his lighthouse if he's ever lost.

It was your girl Luna, with, again, men problems (lol)! And just wanted to say that the Vocal platform is amazing and all the writers are fantastic. Keep up the good work y'all! Peace out!