Karma's a Bitch
Is it a bitch though? It seems to go pretty easy on real bitches I know!!
Did you already ask yourself, am I a good person? Do I need to be good to have a good karma? Or is it just shit invented for us to behave like our society wants to? Hi everyone, it's me, Luna. Long time no see!!
I know karma is a spiritual concept that keeps us in line when you believe it. But...if it exists, is it possible it doesn't work like we think it does? And, if this world was meant to be bad and the other way around? Would it made sense that bad people are the rewarded ones? Have I lived a life so in line that this whole time I screwed this one up? I've been alone for almost half of my life. Pathetic isn't? Constantly reminded myself that I was a piece of trash, not even worth living. I wasn't worthy of love, even not my own. To be transparent, I still think that most of the time.
I know this guy, for example, the sweetest guy you'll ever meet. Too sweet if you ask me. He's funny, warm, present when needed...you know, the almost whole package. Flaws now, as we say here : "C'est un tapis". Meaning that he's a carpet. You can step on it, you can beat it and when it's ripped and broken, you can just look for a new one. So, you get the whole image here. If you have more will power than him, he caves instantly. So you can imagine that malicious women tend to abuse him and his trust. One in particular...
She was his first love and he was stupid enough to fall for her. After a few years, he finally found the guts to break up with her. After that, he spent months and months whining and bitching about her. He annoyed everyone possible around. Now, one year and something later, he got back together with her. I mean...WTF?? How could she pulled that off? She must be a freakin' magician. Anyway, my point is : How did she get him back? She's a liar, a psychopath, an emotional terrorist and yet, she got him back! She's basically the definition of a bad shit crazy person. She treated him like a bag of dirt. Here's the sad part, I had feelings for this bag of dirt. When I heard he was broken up with his previous girlfriend, I thought that was my chance to score a nice guy. But what can I say, life had other plan for me. Probably to die alone in a trailer park with a blunt in my mouth (the blunt part kind of speak to me haha).
In the other end, I'm not able to love myself, so what kind of person would love me? The kind that preys on weak minded people? Maybe, but let me tell you something, I am a lot of things but I ain't weak. I survived and got through more depressions that I care to count. I was always able to maintain my head above water. I am a tough bitch, that I can assure you.
But in order to love myself, I need to accept that I'm never gonna be perfect nor will I ever have a perfect body. But I need to lose a lot of weight and shove it in the face of my depressed side. I need to grow as a person. I need to grow as a woman. And I definitely need to grow love for myself. I'm telling myself that I'm not worthy, that I'm not enough, that I'm not lucky, that I'm not pretty, that I'm not (period). I should tell myself that I'm worth it, that I'm a good catch, that I'm a good person, that I'm lucky for what I have, that I AM (period). So FUCK YOU karma, 'cause you're really a bitch!!
About the Creator
Singster Jones
I like to write about things that I witnessed or felt. But I like fiction too, it can be liberating. Writing is a big part of my life and I like to think that it's not only words on paper but kind of a second voice. Hope you like my stuff!
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