Throwing Darts Winning At Life

Throwing Darts, Winning at Life

I’m not a crazy girl. I’m not one of those girls that you think about when you hear that country song “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood. You know the one, where she’s slashing his tires?

I am however open to doing whatever it takes at this point in my life to process and release feelings in a healthy way. Sometimes that means trying radical things. I’m a life coach/personal trainer, and helping people find creative ways to connect to their feelings is one element of my job.

Ahhh, Memories

Recently a Facebook memory popped up that I had completely forgotten about. The post featured a picture of a dartboard and I simply wrote, ”I never realized how therapeutic throwing darts could be.”

I grew up with a dartboard. I didn’t know how to play cricket, nor did my parents ever mention that game, or any of the other 30 plus dart games. They probably bought the board for us kids to entertain ourselves. I would practice throwing bullseye after bullseye because I thought that was what a dartboard was for.

In my twenties, I was a cocktail waitress at a billiards hall. If we wanted to play we had to pay full price for the pool tables, even if our shift was over. They weren’t cheap, so many of my coworkers and I opted instead to play darts to unwind since the dartboards were free.

My best friend Renee and I played darts for hours and we had so much fun! These were times of which I have fond memories. As time went by, I learned how to play cricket and I was getting pretty good. After work, we would get pick-up teams and games going. We would drink, play darts, and listen to live music from local bands or play our favorite songs on the jukebox.

Because of the nostalgia, many years later I got my own set of darts to play with. I would play sporadically with whatever guy I was dating at the time or friends I had made that shared my interest in darts.

And then, for no real reason, I went for years without playing. And not because I consciously chose to give it up. Life happens, you start doing different things, etc. It is a typical tale.

Gaslighting, What's That?

Several years ago, I found myself dealing with intense feelings of anger and betrayal. I had been involved with a guy who I thought was amazing. Unfortunately, he ended up being a completely different person than I thought. He had been gaslighting and manipulating me. Before this happened, I hadn't even heard of gaslighting. A former ex-boyfriend and I are best friends, and he was the one who suggested that I Google the term. As I described this guy's behaviors my ex-boyfriend said, ”It sounds like he’s gaslighting you.” Once I researched it, a lightbulb went off. He was. It was classic gaslighting: he was emotionally using me while physically using another woman unbeknownst to me.

The beautiful thing about this situation? As soon as I realized he was a narcissist I called it off with him. Furthermore, the situation drove me to dive into the deep end of unpacking what the fuck had just happened. Today, I credit that experience with me gaining the insight that helps me to coach others.

Doing the Work

During this process, there was a lot of anger and betrayal coming up. Fortunately, shortly after, I went through a coaching course that focused on healing from the effects of narcissistic abuse. Additionally, I had a very wise 72-year-old mentor. She had a lifetime of this work under her belt. She guided me through my feelings. We utilized Kundalini yoga as well as other mind-body practices. It was an intense healing time in my life.

One day we were talking about healthy ways to release my anger toward this guy. While I didn’t really want to hurt him, in my imagination, I would have loved to hurt him! One of the tools used to work through this was to join a kickboxing gym. It felt both physically and mentally good to punch a heavy bag every day. I would go to class and picture his face on the bag. That was very therapeutic. Additionally, I wrote him a letter that I would never send but would burn after reading it. In this letter, I could say whatever the hell I wanted. And believe me, when I say this, I didn’t hold anything back. The letter was an excellent release. Later I was a guest speaker in a podcast and I discussed the positive effects of this letter, and what I learned from writing it.

Throwing Darts Feels Soooo Good

And then that brings me back around to the dartboard. Remember how I love darts? My 72-year-old mentor suggested I print this man's picture and take it somewhere that had a dartboard and throw and throw darts at it for however long I wanted.

That sounded inviting. I had never done that before and remember, I love darts.

Let's Do This

So I took her advice. One afternoon I printed a picture of him and called around to find a bar that had a dartboard. And I found one! I drove there around lunchtime. The place was pretty much empty except for one guy at the bar. It was that quiet time of day in the restaurant business after the lunch rush, and before the dinner crew came in.

I went up to the bartender and asked her for the darts. I explained that I was going through something. And although it might seem odd, a mentor told me to do this. I went on to explain the situation.

She brought me loads and loads of darts.

As soon as we pinned his picture to the board I could feel the anger bubble up in my body as I saw his smiling face. This was it. This was the fucking revenge I had been waiting for. This was anger therapy at its finest.

Hells Yeah!

The guy at the bar was probably in his sixties. He was very supportive. I threw the first dart. It hit the cheekbone and I felt a fragment of my hurt self instantly return to my being. I threw another one. And another. And another. Slowly, yet instantaneously, my power returned to my soul.

I did not hold back. I threw them hard. I aimed for the eyes. When I hit his eye something within my heart opened and I was reborn. It was like the restriction I had been feeling was lifting. It was a relief. I kept going and going. I have never felt so much release in my life.

A group of the waitstaff came up to watch. They cheered me on, ”Aniallate this douchebag! Throw those darts!" Dart after dart they cheered as if their favorite football player intercepted the ball and rushed to the end zone scoring the winning touchdown. I felt a rush of power through my veins.

Revelation

The guy at the bar said to the bartender, ”Hey! She might be onto something here. What if we had a night where people could bring a picture of someone they wanted to throw darts at. Nothing violent, but a way for people to get their anger out. Like a picture of their passive-aggressive mother? Or a bully from high school? Or the teacher that picked on them?" I could just imagine this turning into a scene from a romantic comedy.

I never heard if they followed through with creating an event about this. However, I inspired my best ex to do this same thing with a picture of one of his coworkers.

What Was Lost Is Now Found

I had completely forgotten about how much power was returned to me that day until that FB memory popped up. I remember feeling that after about an hour I was done. I was complete. I felt alive. I felt like I pushed the envelope. It was like the same feeling you get when you have sex somewhere that you shouldn’t. I did something unthinkable, in front of people who didn’t judge me, but witnessed me.

I felt liberated. As I got in my car, I smiled. It was at this moment I realized something. There is immense beauty in owning your feelings and thinking of creative ways to express them. And I learned it one dart at a time.