Goodbye Girl Scout Cookies

Day 34/366 days of writing pieces in 2024.

I was a bit stressed before bed last night. I was thinking about how I had a busy day today. I’m working and then doing an overnight girls trip a couple hours away. I was thinking about how it would be hard to get a piece published and I didn’t know what to write about. But this morning when I opened Facebook a gleaming topic came through effortlessly. I started seeing the dreadful posts that I see once a year. The posts about buying Girl Scout cookies. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to give the Girl Scouts my money. But I want nothing to do with those horrid cookies. They are gross. And that’s exactly what inspired this poem today. My disdain for them. I know I can’t be the only one.

Good bye Girl Scout Cookies

In a land of sweets and treats so fine,

There's one confection that's not in line.

Girl Scout cookies, oh how they abound,

But for me, their taste just can't be found.

Thin Mints, they say, are a minty delight,

But I’ll take my mint fresh, in a mojito at night.

Their chocolate coating, it’s just fake wax,

Arousing others but I just feel anticlimax.

Tagalongs, taste of powdered peanut butter.

I’ll gladly make a donation, then throw these in the gutter.

I don’t mind giving you my money,

But please, these cookies are crummy.

Make it stop. I don’t understand the hype.

If I’m being honest, I’d rather eat tripe.

If these cookies were a fashion trend,

Then please stop your friends.

Miranda Priestly would’ve ended it ages ago ,

It’s beyond last season, so just say no.

Why are we keeping this tradition alive?

Just give them money for nothing,

And the scout can still thrive.

The cookies, it’s time to end their legacy,

So our arteries can stay clean and disease free.

Cuz you know it’s basically a chemical filled excuse,

These cookies are actually nutritional abuse.

And let's not forget the disappointment they bring,

With each bite, a reminder, they’re just not my thing.

The texture, the flavor, it's all out of sync,

Girl Scout cookies, a culinary kink.

Have you seen the video of Gordon Ramsey tasting them?

Finally someone telling the truth; Amen!

The cookies remind me of a sexual encounter that’s chemistry free,

Where it’s awkward for everyone,

And orgasm is never reached.

Have you had a worth it cookie?

It doesn’t appear so.

It makes me question whether any of you,

have had a Big O.

I’d never waste my calories on these horrible treats.

Knowing what else is out there, for me to eat.

Their reputation may be strong and many revere,

But for me, their taste is something to fear.

A reminder that not all cookies are created equal,

Girl Scout cookies, a flavorless sequel.

What happened to good old fashioned bake sales?

Where you can make grandma’s recipe and a real legacy prevails.

These cookies are what America is known for,

Which is an embarrassment that we citizens shouldn’t ignore.

For my personal palate, I'll venture afar,

Exploring flavors that truly raise the bar.

In the vast world of sweets, I'll happily roam,

Leaving Girl Scout cookies behind to find their own home.

So forgive me, dear Girl Scouts, if I decline,

Your cookies, they just don't align.

For in the world of sweets, I'll find my bliss,

But Girl Scout cookies, I'll always dis.

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