Embracing Child-Free Bliss

Day 16/366 Days of writing and publishing pieces in 2024.

It’s been snowing for 2 days and I’ve been revisiting old episodes of SATC. I think one of my favorite episodes is the one where Samantha throws herself an “I don’t have a baby” party. I resonate deeply with her in this episode.

One of the absolute best things about my job is that, for the first time in my life, I am surrounded by a glorious abundance of people who, like me, have zero interest in procreating. It's like stumbling upon a treasure trove of child-free souls. My favorite colleague, always quips, "There's no ROI in having children." Now, I know that might make some folks cringe, but when I first heard him say it, I felt like he had just read my mind. Finally, someone who gets it!

You see, throughout my entire existence, I have never had the slightest inkling of a desire to have children. And let me tell you, that has made me feel like a bit of an outcast at times. So much so, that I even took to writing an article on Medium titled "F**k Motherhood" to vent my frustrations. If you're curious, you can check it out here, and prepare yourself for a wild ride. The craziest part about that article is that I’ve had Moms who read it and then went and found me on IG dming me that they desperately wish they had freedom like the kind I talk about in that article. They tell me they love their children but feel trapped and that everything I’m saying is true. But why is it that if you say it out loud society makes you wrong?

Let take you back to a time when I embarked on an epic trip to New York City with my former gay work husband. It was January 2020, and I had this grand idea of starting my new decade with a bang. I craved five days of pure bliss filled with scrumptious food, uproarious laughter, spontaneous adventures, and unadulterated fun. Naturally, I chose one of the coldest months of the year to visit NYC because, well, why not? I mean, who needs warmth when you have the hustle and bustle of the city that never sleeps, right?

Initially, I had envisioned this trip as a fabulous girls' getaway. I reached out to a couple of my gal pals, but alas, one couldn't make it due to financial constraints (thanks, little Johnny's braces), and the other was stuck in the clutches of motherhood, unable to break free from her child's iron grip. And let me tell you, that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks. The realization that not having children is like having a hall pass to freedom. And having them is like wearing an ankle bracelet, a metaphorical house arrest that shackles you to a life of "no's" when all you want to do is scream "YES!" from the rooftops. It's a constant battle against resentment, a loss of identity, and the feeling of being trapped. And I say hell no to that.

So, there I was, frustrated that I couldn't find a girlfriend to join me on this adventure. Frustrated that I had been feeling this way for far too long. As each of my friends succumbed to the wiles of motherhood, it became increasingly challenging to find kindred spirits who were free to gallivant around the world. That's when I thought, "Hey, why not reach out to my former gay work husband?" We hadn't seen each other in a decade, but we still kept in touch. So, I shot him a text, something along the lines of, "Hey, want to go to NYC with me for five days of pure awesomeness?" And you know what? He replied with a simple, "Sure, sounds amazing." No drama, no excuses, no ankle bracelet. Just a straightforward "yes" that transported me back to the carefree days of my twenties. Ah, those were the days.

About the arrival; Our first stop was Dominique Ansel bakery, where we indulged in a heavenly croissant. Armed with our baked goods, we strolled through the city, talking, laughing, and savoring every delectable bite. We stumbled upon a bar that seemed promising, only to discover that it served the worst gin and tonic my friend had ever encountered. Warm glass, melted ice, and a generous pour of like 5 oz of gin - it was a disaster. But did we let that dampen our spirits? Absolutely not! We laughed our asses off, ordered a Guinness for me, and strutted out of there, declaring that we had gotten the one bad experience out of the way, and nothing else could possibly go wrong.

Our next stop was the Crosby hotel bar, where we were greeted with the most delightful concoctions. We sipped our drinks, basking in the festive ambiance and admiring the Christmas decorations that still adorned the lobby. It was then that we realized the beginning of January is the absolute best time to visit NYC. Who knew?

As the night wore on, our hunger led us to a hidden gem of a Japanese restaurant in the West Village. It was perfect because, you see, we used to work together in a Japanese restaurant back in the day. The food was exquisite, and we reveled in the nostalgia of our shared past. With our bellies full and our spirits high, we decided to wander aimlessly through the city, soaking in the vibrant energy that only NYC can offer.

I distinctly remember a conversation we had during our midnight ramblings. My friend turned to me and said, "Thank you so much for inviting me on this trip." And I replied, "No, thank YOU for saying yes! I asked two of my girlfriends first, and they had to decline. It's tough being a woman in her forties, child-free, and desperately seeking adventure buddies. Everyone seems to be chained to their children, and it's frustrating as hell. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a lonely person, and I have plenty of confidence. But damn, it's hard to find women like me who can just up and do things and I get sick of doing things alone sometimes. However, I'm hopeful that as my friends' kids grow older, my fifties will be a whole lot more exciting. Until then, I'll keep searching for kindred spirits who can join me on this crazy ride called life." That conversation was four years ago.

Fast forward to 2021, and I find myself working at a wellness studio. Now, here's the kicker - every single one of my colleagues shares my aversion to having children. It's like stumbling upon a mythical land where child-free individuals roam freely, unburdened by the shackles of parenthood. It's the first place I've ever worked where so many people think like me, it's a breath of fresh air. And as if that weren't enough, the majority of our clients also happen to be like-minded individuals who have chosen a similar path. Women in their thirties to fifties, all marching to the beat of their own drum. It's a safe space where I can openly express my thoughts and experiences without fear of judgment. I feel seen, understood, and my social life has skyrocketed because of it. Finally, after a good fifteen years of feeling like a lone wolf, I have found my pack.

But you know what? It's not just my colleagues and clients who have brought joy into my life. My gay guy friends, oh how I adore them. Many of them have also chosen a child-free existence, and they know how to live it up. They can jet off to different cities, spend money on unforgettable experiences, and dance the night away without a care in the world.

Here's to my child-free friends, the glittery unicorns of friendship, who live life on their own terms. Cheers to us rebels, adventurers, and happiness-definers!

Now I’m not bashing you if you’ve chosen the family path. I just want to see more of us who decide societal norms don’t have to be our norms. And I believe we are finally getting there.

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