Things I Think About

1. It is so weird being friends with someone you saw a future with. I am really grateful that we got to the point of being able to talk and see each other.. it is just.. weird.

2. How can I call them just "friends"? My friends and especially my best friend, Emily, have saved my life. My friends are the greatest people I have had the pleasure to have in my life.

3. What am I going to do when my dogs pass away? Seriously.. I hate thinking about this.

4. I wonder if my dad knows how much I appreciate him allowing me to live with him and for this long. I wish I knew how to express how grateful I truly am for him.

5. I wonder if everyone in my life knows how much I cherish those relationships. I truly love every single person in my life.

6. I wonder what legacy I will leave behind. I really do.

7. What would it be like to not have this trauma? Seriously, could someone let me know?

8. Am I actually funny? Or do people just laugh because I said something weird and they can't think of another response?

9. There's literally no reason to be a bitch. Eat some food, take your meds and get it together.

10. Not dating ever again wouldn't be the worst thing to happen for me. I don't think I need to elaborate on this one.

11. There's nothing a bath and drinking water can't solve. If there is, I don't want to experience it.

12. I hope my friends and my dad get absolutely everything they want and more. They all deserve the best life has to offer.

13. MY BEST FRIEND IS GETTING MARRIED!!!!! (this thought randomly occurs often)

14. I don't have ADHD. *trails off mid sentence, takes 10 minutes to tell a story* Oh yeah.. I have ADHD.

15. What I wouldn't give to live in a vintage/old house or cabin in the middle of nowhere..

16. *thoughts loading*

17. How can I be kinder to myself and others today?

18. I will never fight to have someone love me again. My friends and family love me so effortlessly every single day.

19. I really did find peace in the violence. I don’t ever want that again.

20. You can blame your mental illness all you want.. at the end of the day, YOU are responsible for YOUR actions and words.

21. Do I want kids? Or do I want to give into societal pressure?

22. It’s so odd breaking patterns. Especially patterns you were so used too. I was so used to pain that peace truly feels wrong.

23 . Saying “sorry” will only get us so far.

24. I think about my future a lot. Even when it’s fuzzy and I’m not sure exactly where I am headed, it is on my mind.

25. If I could change anything, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I wasn’t so wrong in the past.

26. I absolutely love seeing dogs. Dogs walking, running, sleeping. Dogs are just the best.

27. If I died tomorrow, I would really die without regrets and that tells me I’m living right.

28. Anything about Halloween.

29. Why did I buzz off all my hair again?! Didn’t I learn the first time?

20. It’s okay to have down days and restful days. They are needed.

21. I do not have to do anything to deserve food, water, shelter and love.

22. I have changed so much. I love who I am and who I am becoming.

23. I am so incredibly grateful for my life and those in it.