Things I Find Unnecessarily Difficult

So pretty much this random trail of thoughts is just going to the nonsense ramblings straight from my brain onto paper and hoping that someone can agree with me.

I have compiled a list of five things that I find really difficult for no clear reason. I hope I don’t sound too stupid.

Making Phone Calls.

Why would I ever want to make a call to someone that I don’t know? I don’t even particularly enjoy phoning the people I love. I will happily answer a call that comes through my phone but when I have to be the one that’s dialling the number I get a huge sense of dread in my whole body.

This month I need to make a few phone calls regarding my car insurance and I can’t be more terrified. I hate it. I get so anxious.

I don’t have anything else to say on the matter, I hate phone calls. Always have and always will probably.

Meeting New People

The fear I get when meeting new people is an intense rush of panic that consumes my entire body. This means anyone, going on dates, seeing certain customers in the shop, bumping into my exes or if we are being really honest… any man ever.

Now the last part is entirely based on my trauma but I won’t dump that here. But I get such a fear that I’m not going to have a good time or they aren’t going to like me or anything like that. My brain seems to always go to the worst possible scenario so I could be sitting on a date and thinking “oh he’s going to kill me”. And in fact on the last date I was on I used that dark humour as a way to make myself comfortable. Not to mention that the guy was really funny and was joining in on the joke, I think he could tell I was nervous.

I know that meeting new people is a part of life but I like to put it off for as long as I possibly can.

Coming Up With Book Titles

In my time I have tried my hand at a few writing projects. I have a few chapters of one of my unfinished books on WattPad (the only one with a real title might I add) and I find that the title was one of the first things that actually came to me. But with my NaNoWriMo project when I have an entire first draft of a story written and the title of the document is just “NaNoWriMo” I find it very disheartening. I have no drive to come up with a title for it because the book is still in the editing phase and is nowhere near ready for me to pursue publishing so I haven’t got a rush on coming up with a title. Then there's the additional thought that this could be the first book I get published so the title has to be PERFECT. All of the ideas I have for it are bloody awful! None of them strike me as this amazing title that’s worthy of my baby.

Coming Up With Book Character Names

Similar to the previous point I find it so final to come up with character names because my brain just can’t settle. One of the characters in my WattPad story is called Francesca and I swear when I was writing the first chapter with her in it I spelt her nae a total of four different ways before I sat myself down as came up with the spelling that I wanted and I sat with a post-it-note next to me the whole time I was writing so that I didn’t get it messed up again.

Don’t ask me how writers can repeatedly and correctly spell their characters names correctly when they are not common names because I have no idea.

My character in my WIP has such a common name and I still struggle to remember if I decided on a ‘Y’ or an ‘I’ spelling.

Leaving The House Alone

My anxiety hits a sky high level when I need to leave the house and I can’t get anyone to come with me. I will usually either wait until someone is free to come with me or put it off until the last possible second that I can.

I will be sitting in the house fully dressed and physically ready to leave the house but mentally… I won’t be ready for another three hours or so.

I also feel that everytime I do leave the house I ALWAYS run into someone that I don’t want to see. For example…

I told my therapist about this because the last time I ran into a guy I had a terrible situation with and I just wanted to go for a walk by myself to the shops and I was walking down the street crying. I told her again and again that I will never be leaving the house alone again.

Anyway I know this was a bit of a random piece of writing but I feel like having it down in writing and having people message me saying that they relate to my situations makes me feel more normal. So thank you for reading and feel free to message me on any of my social media accounts if you agree with me!