The Truth About Not Wanting to Have Children, That No One Talks About

Five years ago, or even less, everyone would ask me. "Sara, when are you having kids." At this point, I was 36, and everyone thought I was "past my prime." If I did not pop out a few babies in the next few years, I would lose the "opportunity."

I hate getting asked this question.

For starters, when I was growing up and where I grew up, it was the norm to graduate high school, get married, and have kids. That was your life plan.

It was already set in stone when you were born a woman. Who decided on this plan? It sure as hell was not the plan that I had or wanted. Yet society made it damn hard to go against the grain.

If you were single at 21, you were a failure. I chose to go to college instead of marrying my high school sweetheart and popping out a few kids by 25.

My family was not happy with this decision. They could not believe that I would "leave the family business." We had a farm. It was not a multi-million dollar business before you got too excited that I was born with a silver spoon.

We were poor farmers; I was free/cheap labor from 13–18. Except I knew that even if I made very little money, it was better than none. My only goal was to get out of the "family business." I did.

I am the oldest of 3 siblings. We became orphans when I was 13. I worried about them more than I realized. Partly I helped raise them. So everyone thought I would be a good mother because of having to help raise my siblings.

I went the complete opposite way. I knew when I was 18 that I never wanted children. Don't get me wrong; I love babies. I love my nine nieces and nephews with all my heart.

I was there for all of the births also!

If something happens and I have to take them all in, I would not even think twice.

Yet, I do not want to give birth to any children.

I used to get asked about kids by patients and co-workers all the time. I would feel so guilty saying I do not want them. I would make up reasons why.

• I don't have time for kids.
• I don't have a husband yet.
• I don't have enough money.
• I am waiting until the time is right.
• I want to travel first; then I will have them.

The truth is, I was ashamed to admit it for so many years. I could keep going on the list of excuses of what I used to say. They were all lies. The truth is, I did not want them.

Why are we so ashamed to admit this simple fact?

As a woman, the one thing we can do in this world is bring in a new life, or so we are told. We are afraid of others judging us. I was worried others would think I was selfish. I was scared that other women would think I was a horrible person.

I say no, that is not my path.

On a bit of a realist note, I'm not too fond of the direction of the world. The planet is being destroyed; we are turning against each other.

We care more about money and the things that we do as humans. Actual people.

I did not see it as my place to bring a child into this world that I am ashamed of. How can I raise a child when in 10 years, there might be the destruction of the human race. Ok, a little dramatic, yet I do not want to have a child, and the children have to clean up the mess we left.

Since I have been traveling, this is the first time I have been able to admit that I do not want children. I have never had a desire to be a mother. I also think that I was not meant to have children.

My sisters are excellent mothers; I am a fantastic aunt.

While traveling, I have met so many women who feel the same way as I do. I met a girl in Argentina, and she asked me why I don't have kids. I flat out said I do not want them. She looked at me in almost tears and said I don't want them either.

I was the first person she met who said it flat out, and she has always been afraid to admit it.

She said I gave her hope that she does not have to be peer pressured into a life choice because "it's what you do."

After that, I finally started to feel supported in my decision.

Now at 41, I have no problems admitting it. Plus, I am middle age, and no one asks me about having kids anymore. It is one of the perks of aging. You are standing in your truth. Admitting to yourself who you are and what you want out of life.

I want about 100 more animals and spoil them rotten. I am lucky to have met a man who feels the same way about children. Dating a younger man, I worried he would tell me he wanted to get married and have kids.

I was nervous about telling him my age. Lucky I did not have to bring it up one day; he said, I don't want kids. I looked at him, shocked he said this. He is Colombian; it is so rare. It was a relief.

I said me either. That was that. Also, why is it more accessible for men to say it than we women?

Me not wanting children, I have always felt selfish. Now It is liberating to accept the decision that was always inside me. What do you think?

Children are little miracles; if you are a mother, you are my hero. It is a lot of work. Maybe I was not born strong enough to do it.

Having children, no matter what anyone says, is hard work, love, and dedication. I honor you, who have chosen to have them. I sometimes feel like I took the easy road on this one.

What are your thoughts on children? Am I alone?

Sara