The Story Of The Free Chocolate Flavoured Condom

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The Story Of

The Free Chocolate Flavoured Condom

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I was (and still am) A Married Man out drinking,

I was about 35 at the time, so 10 year-ish ago.

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(Not many good stories happen to start with, “I was eating a salad!”)

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A pretty young woman 18-20-year-old says,

“Look What I Found”

Or

“Look what I have”

(It is 10 years ago and I was drunk so the specifics are a little blurred.)

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Then she shows me this Condom and says that it is a Chocolate flavoured one.

Then she offers it to me.

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I say

"thanks”,

and then put it in my pocket.

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And I think what a cool, nice, generous girl giving me a free chocolate condom!

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30 minutes later she looks annoyed and says something along the lines of,

“If you are not going to use that condom, I'll have it back, It would be a shame to waste it!”

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A bit puzzled, I reply,

“Of course I'll use it, I don’t think me and my wife have tried using one of those before,”

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Then I run into a standard joke monologue about, how the first person that can create a pill that makes sperm chocolate flavoured will make a fortune!

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Not thinking anything else about it I eventually go home a pass out on the couch.

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The next evening the wife asked how my night out was.

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I say it was fine,

Then I remember to tell her about this nice cool chick that gave me a free chocolate condom that she had found!

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My wife smiles and nods, we chat a little more, then life moves on.

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Fast forward a few weeks,

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I and my wife were both at a party, and she had a bit to drink.

As these things do, the group starts talking about relationships, sex and the general nature of infidelity.

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It is only then, that my wife kind of half brags and half make fun of me.

She tells the story of my night out and the free chocolate condom.

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She laughingly says that unlike many women she knows I will not be unfaithful.

Based on what a dumb ass I am when it comes to reading signals from other women!

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My reply,

“I only Never notice, simply because, I am not even looking out for it! That is how I know that I am truly happily Married!”

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NUFF SAID!

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THIS IS A TRUE DRINKING STORY!

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I am SUCH a total dick!

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That when someone I knew got too drunk,

(After a very bad break up!)

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I left a glass of what seemed like water with a note reminding them to rehydrate,

And that I hoped that they did not feel too bad this morning.

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BUT...

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Instead of water, the glass was filled with an unholy mixture of clear tequila and cheap vodka!

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Instantly, making the poor victim spew the entire lot back up onto his own bed!

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He then screamed shouted at me lots!

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The passed out again.

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When he eventually got to the bathroom, he saw another note from me,

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Making him scream and shout at me even more!

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But eventually, he did sort of forgive me,

and they even managed to see the funny side!

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You may think

“That’s not impressive”

“Yes, it does make you a total dick but nothing particularly special.”

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"In fact,"

"It was a silly, stupid, irresponsible thing to do!"

"You could have killed him!"

"I hope he never spoke to you again!"

"I know I wouldn’t!"

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BUT WAIT!

IT GETS WORSE!

Because of WHOM I did this too!.

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The first note read and was addressed as follows to…..

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“Dear future self!"

”I know you must be feeling rough,”

“Remember to drink lots, and rehydrate yourself,”

“Hope you feel better soon”

“From”

“Me, myself in the past”

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And in the bathroom was another note that said,

“Dear future me!”

“Got you!”

“You Silly Fucker!”

“Yours sincerely,”

“Your past very drunk you…”

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